Step Father and Real Father…What do I do.

posted 3 years ago in Ceremony
  • poll: Would you pick your real father or step father given the circumstances?
    Real Dad : (2 votes)
    9 %
    Step Dad : (21 votes)
    91 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    3777 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: February 2013

    As a bride who had her step father do all the fatherly duties, it sounds like you already know the answer. Your step dad has been more of a father to you than bio dad.

    Post # 5
    Member
    435 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2013

    I sidestepped this issue entirely and had my mom walk me down (since she had been there for me since day 1).  But in the end do what YOU really want.

    Post # 7
    Member
    3806 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    Relationship is defined by love, trust, loyalty, and mutual vulnerability. Your step father has proven true in all of these matters. Your biological father is just that… your biological father. Give the honor to the person who earned it – your step father.

    As for inviting your real father, it’s ultimately your decision. Invite him if you want, but don’t expect him to accept the invitation. He sounds like he will flake out and not attend. I invited my biological father. We don’t communicate, but I did respect him enough to invite him. He nor my paternal grandmother will not be in attendance. Both declined.

    Post # 8
    Member
    279 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    To me, the person who walks you down the aisel should be the person who you feel has been a parent for you. In order for someone to “give you away” they have to have been there for you, protected you, and had your best interest at heart.

    My step dad has been in my life since I was 8 years old. We had a rocky start in my teen years and I hated him. But now that I am an adult I see all of the wonderful things he has done for me.

    That is me to the letter (just replace 8 years old with 7). My bio-dad stepped out of my life completely when I was 12, so maybe I had an easier choice than you do. In the end though I didn’t care about hurting the feelings of someone who had been a sperm donor and never a parent in favor of honoring the man who took care of me even though I wasn’t biologically his.

    Post # 9
    Member
    320 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    @Waitingbee57:  I had my mom walk me down the aisle and at the reception I danced with my step-dad for the first half of our song and then my real dad the second half (the only reason I was doing a father-daughter dance was for my wife who is really close to her father). It worked out great and I didn’t feel like I was “faking” anything so to speak. 

    Post # 11
    Member
    179 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    @Waitingbee57:  I vote for your stepdad. He’s the one who raised you and was your father figure. 

    I’m in a similar situation, stepdad has been raising me since I was 3 and didn’t get to know my bio dad until I was 12. I’ll be having my stepdad walk me down the aisle but have a dance with each of them. 

    Sorry you have to deal with this, it’s definitely a tough situation.

    Post # 13
    Member
    24 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    “I just want to be able to have my dad there at the wedding without him being upset that I chose the person I chose to be in the wedding.”

    Even if you go over and above in trying to make your biological dad feel comfortable at the wedding, he’s responsible for his own feelings. I agree with the others that you should choose the dad who has been a real dad for you, but try to keep in mind you are not responsible for any feelings your biological dad has that day. 

    Sorry that was so advicey.

    My step-dad is our officiant. Originally I wanted to walk hand in hand with my FI, but my step-mother pulled me aside and said it was really important to my dad that he walk me down the aisle. My parent’s were divorced when I was 9 months old. We have a good relationship though, so I want to honor him.

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