Step-father wants to bring new girlfriend

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Hostess
7630 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

They are adults. They should be able to be in the same room together without it being uncomfortable. I’m sure your mom will be so busy with you on the day that she won’t even notice the other woman. Unless it was a super small and intimate reception I would invite her. 

Post # 5
Member
1864 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I would’ve said no right when he asked. I’m having a 160ish count wedding and have had a few people ask about a +1 and I tell them in the same convo no right away. 

In this case, I would say negative. Even if there is no drama, I am sure it will make your mother very uncomfortable. I would hate that for my mom. And c’mon, he’s only been dating her a few months. WHY would he think it would be okay to bring this stranger to your SMALL AND INTIMATE wedding. He never should’ve asked you, IMO, and you should tell him no. 

Post # 6
Member
561 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I am a firm believer in the golden rule (treat people how you would want to be treated) and I put myself in their shoes. If I was going to my stepdaughters wedding, it might be a little awkward, and I think having my significant other there would make me more comfortable, and have a better time instead of being the divorced stepfather whose the odd man out. 

Post # 7
Member
5204 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

If it were me, I’d invite the girlfriend.  Your step dad is still a part of your life and if this woman is important to him (I’m sure he wouldn’t ask to bring her if she wasn’t) then you should get to know her.

I think your mother has put you in an impossible situation.  If you mom feels strongly that she shouldn’t come, then I’d insist that either she discuss it directly with your step dad or that she understand that you were going to tell him that you’d prefer he didn’t bring the girlfriend because it would make your mom uncomfortable on a special day.

I think it’s super uncool when parents put children in the middle of their drama and I would not enable it.

Post # 8
Member
958 posts
Busy bee

I would offer both your mother and your stepfather a +1. Cool

Post # 9
Member
1355 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@BriansBride:  Well, you could tell him that you don’t feel like your wedding is the right time or place to meet the new lady in his life to avoid throwing your mom under the bus. Or you can tell your mom to find a hot date and accept it. I’ve been to weddings where the parents are divorced and hate each other and have to walk into the reception hall together as they are introduced as parents and it turn out okay. Everything will work itself out.

Post # 10
Member
287 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@BriansBride:  Few reasons why i would not invite her.

You didnt give any of your parents a plus one so the fact that he asked shouldnt really be relevant.

They havent been together long (if long term then i would say yes)

You havent even even met her (i honestly dont think your wedding is the place to do this)

Your mum aside,your sister also doesnt sound too impressed and may have a point.Do you think he is asking for g/f to come to show her off? Ask your brother for his opinion,its his Dad after all

 

Post # 11
Member
141 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I wouldn’t invite her unless you have met her and had a chance to see what she is like!!  

I’m in a similar family situation here and actually pushed to have a parents ex come to the wedding (even though it could upset both my mother and father).  At the end of the day it’s my choice who I invite.  

But IMO I wouldn’t want someone I hadn’t met at my wedding full stop – especially when we both have the exact same # of guests (50-60) which I consider small-ish

Post # 12
Member
7216 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@BriansBride:  I notice you said “my brother and his date”. Do other (younger) guests get a +1? Are you inviting other partners of a few months? I feel it should be the same rules for everyone.

Post # 13
Member
1613 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@BriansBride:  Your wedding day is a special day for mothers of the couple getting married. Don’t have this bad memory for your mother. She has been dreaming of you getting married since you were a little girl. Don’t ruin this for her.

Stepfather needs to come alone. He will see you there.

Post # 14
Member
1362 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Turf Valley

How about you offer to have a smaller get together a few weeks after the wedding so that you can meet his new girlfriend.  I agree with your sister in a sense.  You don’t want him using your wedding as an opportunity to introduce her to the family.  It is not the time nor place for that!

Post # 15
Member
1627 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Call him back and tell him the wedding is not the time to debut his new GF to the family (children). Tell him you would like to meet her since she sounds special, to him but this event she needs to sit out. You won’t even get a chance to spend time with her at your wedding. Your step dad will have other children to catch up with.

I don’t see what’s inappropriate about him bringing the GF, but your mom has a strong reaction. As a grown up she should own it. As a grown up he should just leave it alone and come solo. 

Post # 16
Member
6510 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

@aussiemum1248:  +1

I think it would be unfair to invite others with a +1 but leave him out. They have been divorced for 3-4 years and they are adults so I think his GF should be invited.

What if you set up a time to meet her before the wedding? Unless you truly believe he has bad intentions I don’t understand why you would think he is using your wedding to “show off” his girlfriend. He likely wants to bring her to have her company and a dance partner (same reason tons of other people like to bring dates).

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