(Closed) Step Parenting is tough…. Here is my story

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
9142 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

Having a child of your own is COMPLETELY different than parenting a stepchild.  You have a lot more say in how your own child will be raised and a lot of the issues you are having and have had with the stepchildren will not be an issue with your own child.

Decide whether you will miss having a child of your own.  This was a major point of contention between me and my first husband.  He had a daughter and I was helping raise her every other day and every other weekend.  He knew I really wanted at least one child of my own but he decided that he didn’t want any more children.  We ultimately ended up getting divorced.  As much as I still love my stepdaughter and treated her as if she were my own I know that I would treat my own child differently and I would have regretted never having my own child.

How old are you now?  I wouldn’t worry about deciding to have children until you are ready and it sounds like you clearly are not ready to have children.  Unless you are over 35 and closing in on 40 (which makes it much more difficult to get pregnant), you have plenty of time to wait.

Post # 5
1172 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

@Mariaanna:  Let me say as a step parent, what you are going through with your step children is perfectly natural. You arent doing anything wrong.

As for them coming home that first day and being cocky and rude. Remember that they have to spend a week with their mother who has resentment against you and her ex husband, so they have to fall in with her and that means pleasing her and placating her. So its going to take them a bit to decompress.

Next, as far as the son no longer being the favorite and now the daughter being her favorite. That to is something that happens. The son was older and therefore he remembers more. So it was easier for him to break away. The daughter being younger doesnt have a good recollection. Also kids tend to feel that if they love someone besides their parent its disloyal to the other parent. They dont want to be disloyal to their mom so they prove it by being a butt to you.

Its a classic child of divorce behavior. Dont fault them for it. Later they will appreciate that you were a calming influence in their life.

As for worrying about having your own child. You will love that child with your last breathe. Raising your own is definitely different than step children because you will have a bond that begins pre-birth. There is no competition or worrying about disloyalty.

Dont put off having children because of what you are going through with the step children. Years from now those kids will be grown and they will remember that you were there for them and you werent trying to turn them against their mother.

Also having a child will solidify you as a family. It could very well give them a sense of true family to add a sibling.

I dont know why but I know that has been the case with friends and family who had children and step children.

Just relax and dont throw away your chance to have a child

Post # 7
1193 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Posting to follow thread…carry on

The topic ‘Step Parenting is tough…. Here is my story’ is closed to new replies.

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