Honestly, I am really surprised that being a stepmom is as hard as it is for me – I did not expect it at all! I have 4 kids of my own from my first marriage, and my husband only has 1, plus my kids live with us full-time (except every other weekend), but his daughter is only with us about 1/3 of the time, so I didn’t even give it much thought at all – where there is 4, there is 5 – what’s the difference? But, boy, was I wrong! It is REALLY, REALLY hard for me, and I feel terrible about it, but don’t know what to do!!!
My first husband was not an involved dad, did not give the kids much love, affection, attention, time, etc. He was a very successful businessman, and considered himself to be a great father because he provided well for all of us financially. Growing up, I had a wonderful father who doted on me, and, as an adult and a mother, I was always “jealous” of other kids who had great fathers – fathers who really loved them, took care of them, played with them, did homework with them, gave them hugs and kisses, etc. I would take my kids to a park/playground, and see dads push their kids on the swings and build sand castles with their toddlers, and I would fight back tears – why can’t MY kids have that? Don’t they deserve that kind of love from their father?
And now, that I am married to my wonderful new husband, I feel like that playground moved into my house!!! He is great with my kids, and they have a very good relationship with him – all of them, even the teenagers. He cares about them, he interacts with them a lot more than their real father ever has. BUT!!! It is not even close to the love and affection he showers his biological daughter with! He absolutely adores her, and pretty much melts into a puddle every time he sees her. He cares about my kids, but he most certainly does not melt for them… And I am jealous! Don’t my kids deserve to have that kind of father? That kind of love from BOTH parents?
His daughter is almost 5 years old, and my kids are older – 9, 11, almost-18, and 19. I already raised four 5-year-olds ALONE (since my ex was not much involved). I am burnt out with raising small kids, I don’t want any more of them! His daughter is a good kid, but she is extremely high maintenance – demands constant attention, can’t entertain herself even for a few minutes, talks NON-STOP (literally!!!), constantly asks for stuff that she should be able to do by herself – in other words, it is very obvious she is “an only child” for her mother, and she expects to be the center of attention all of the time.
I am very resentful of her… But I am absolutely crazy about my husband, and I would NEVER want to hurt him or make him feel bad, so I can’t share my resentment with him. I genuinely want to be a good stepmom, but I am unable to overcome my resentment and irritation with his child. I don’t know what to do!!!