Post # 1
Hello, Im new here and have a quick question. My dad got re-married awhile ago and has two step-sons now. I dont really want to invite them to the wedding. I have only meet them maybe 10-15 times in the 10 years dad and step-mom have been together. I think step-mom would be upset if I didnt invite them though. What would be the best way to handle it?
Post # 2
- Wedding: September 2014 - Turf Valley
Why don’t you want to invite them, just because you haven’t seen them too many times? They have been your dad’s step-children for 10 years… They have been your step-siblings for 10 years… I think it would be best to invite them, despite how often you’ve seen them.
I think your dad would be upset if you didn’t invite them too.
Post # 3
I would say if you recognize them as your step siblings I would invite them. If they are not in your life I would say you don’t have to, but the choice is completly yours.
Post # 4
Are you having a really small wedding? Have they done anything to upest you? As you mention you’re going to upset stepmom and probably your Dad if you don’t invite them so if it were me I would just invite them without some specific circumstances that warrant not inviting them such as it will only be 30 people at the wedding or some fight with them.
Post # 5
Technically they’re in your family so they should be invited regardless
Post # 6
emylou1991: I would probably invite them unless you have a very limited guest capacity
Post # 7
It sounds like you never lived with them. I actually think it may be ok not to invite them, if you were older when they became your step siblings and you never lived as siblings. How old are they? If they don’t live at home with their mom and your dad, I don’t think it’s a big deal to exclude them.
I have 5 stepsiblings, all much older than I am, some of whom I have only met once or twice. I never lived with my dad — ever — and didn’t feel that these folks are truly my step-siblings–they are more like my dad’s second wife’s kids. I don’t mean that in a mean way , it’s just how our relationship is.
Anyway, if your situation is anything like that, I think you can skip inviting them.
Post # 8
emylou1991: As much as I sympathize with not wanting to invite them – both FI and I wish we didn’t have to invite his six step-sibilings and their spouses – I don’t think you can get away with it unless you are having an extremely small wedding. But all families are different; I’d probably have a conversation with your dad about it.
Post # 9
emylou1991: Normally I’d say, yes, invite them because it’s the right thing to do. But the more I thought abou it…while my mom isn’t married, she has been with her boyfriend for 15+ years. I didn’t invite his kids to my wedding, despite at one point (during high school) living in the same home as his son. I’ve known them the whole relationship, but haven’t seen or spoken to either of them in every bit of 10-12 years. We have no relationship with each other, and outside of their dad (my mom’s bf) and my brother, they wouldn’t have known anyone at my wedding. That being said, I would certainly have invited them if it would have been a big deal.
Post # 10
I was going to say yes but then I realized I didn’t invite mom’s boyfriends kids and they’ve been together about 10 years…not married but they recently moved in together.
Post # 11
Every wedding and every step relationship is different. If your dad is paying for the wedding, you may want to discuss with him. If it is a small wedding, and he is not paying, he should understand. He may worry, at the ceremony, is Stepmom going to be seated alone? When dad walks bride up the aisle, presumably mom will be seated in front row with her relatives, other siblings, etc. SM will be seated a row or two back, but with whom? If Dad has close friends, or siblings, they might be seated with her.
Post # 12
We are having a smallish wedding. Just close friends and family. The guest list is at 75 people. When my dad and her got married the younger son was in prison and I didnt even meet him for another 3-4 years after the wedding. The older one has lived out of state since they have been married. I think he might be living in town now, but Im not sure.
Post # 13
If you were haviiing an 8 person wedding, I could see you getting away with noting inviting them. But you’re having 75 guests. I think you should invite them. To not invite them would hurt your step-mother and put your dad in a very difficult place.
Post # 14
emylou1991: I very much disagree with most posters. Since they’re adults, there is no obligation to invite them.
They are not family. Their mother married into your family, they (her adult children) did not. It’s like (e.g.) your sister’s husband’s parents. It’s the same principle: adults are not in the same social unit and there’s no obligation to invite them. Step-mom will get over it.
I have similar step-siblings (thanks to parents remarrying when I was an adult) and beyond a polite hello on rare events (e.g. at stepmother’s 70th birthday), I have no connection with them at all. I would never dream of inviting them to my own wedding or my children’s weddings, and they would be weirded out if I did.
Post # 15
If I had to follow the “They’re family” rule, I would be absolutly screwed on my guest list because I have a ton of family that I just see no point in having there for any other reason other than they are family. You don’t know her kids so why invite them? I’m sure they would just see it as a burden to come because who wants to go to a wedding of someone they barely know? I sure don’t. Double check with your dad and make sure he and his wife won’t be royaly pissed and then move with wedding planning. You really just need to tell them that you have a smaller guest list and would really like to use those seats for people you are close with instead of giving away four seats to two men and their guests who you don’t have a relationship with whatsoever.