Post # 1
Okay, here’s our situation: I remarried when my daughter was 14 and she was adopted by my husband. Her biological father gave up all rights to her. Now she is writing her engagement announcement for the newspapers and of course, wants to include her grandparents, which would be my parents who are living, her biological paternal grandparents with whom she has continued to have somewhat of a relationship with through the years, and her “adopted” grandmother who lives nearby and is part of her life. Now the problem comes in with my husband’s father who passed away before we married. Should she list him as “the late John Doe” or just not include him at all since we never really knew him???? On the wedding programs she is having a section that simply says In Loving Memory and is listing the names of the groom’s deceased grandparents and is including John Doe there….not including the relationship only the names. Technically this man was not her grandfather because he passed away before we came into the picture. Either way, my daughter will be doomed. If we don’t say paternal grandparents are Mrs. Jane Doe and the late Mr. John Doe, some family member will say why didn’t she include him out of respect for her father that adopted and raised her. On the other hand if DOES include him, some family member will say why did she do that, he never knew her at all??????? Hope all of this makes sense. I appreciate all your advice and words of wisdom.
Post # 3
I dont see this as a problem.
I would include them all and if there are people who would wonder why the grandpa was included then they probably dont know her well and probably wont say anything.
If they do say something you say “By way of her adoption he is her grandpa unfortunately she did not have a chance to love him as she does her grandma by way of adoption:
Post # 4
Ok just as we expected the drama began immediately after the newspaper was printed. This one particular bridesmaid who is my husband’s neice (and her Mom) have gone wild. They are furious that we listed my husband’s deceased father as a grandparent. They say that we are stealing the limelight and that this “real” granddaughter should have been the first to do this. They have made our lives miserable for the past 3 days with their hateful comments like, “you aren’t really my cousin” and “you aren’t really part of our family.” It goes on and on. All we did was try to respectful and tasteful because we felt like if he were living he would have definitely been included in the family seating on the grandparents pew. We never plan to honor him in any way like lighting a candle or paying any tribute to him at all. Just a simple newspaper announcement has caused so much heartache. This particular girl is also a bridesmaid. Now we aren’t sure if it’s going to happen or if we even want her to participate as she and her mom may try to sabatoge the wedding. My husband says don’t worry about them and none of the other family seems to care one way or the other. Our town is small and everyone knows about this. They think the BM and her mom are weird. What do you think?
Post # 5
@drsalter: my dear listen to me and listen to me WELL…..this is your daugthers day! What she did was beautiful to even try and figure out how to include a man that has passed away that she never met is honorable and touching. You let those two mean and evil CHILDREN say what they want they are not important. Opinions are just like bu**holes everyone has one ;)If they want to be mean and nasty and say “she’s not really apart of their family” then that just shows how immature and mean spirited they truly are. Do not let ANYONE take away from this joyous time that you will never get back. Ypu hug your daugther tell her to brush it off and continue to plan the wedding of her dreams.
It may also do you good to point out…that most grandfathers dont have ONLY one granddaugther and that at some point alive or passed his name would be honored by a granddaugther of his! This is just so sad how can they be so mean ugh makes me sad Family is not always family through simply bloodline. Families are married together…. families are bonded….. families are made I have a saying blood makes us relatives…but loyalty respect and love makes of us family 😉