Post # 1
I have seen a few posts on here in regards to this. But every situation is different and I just want peoples’ opinions.
I am 26 years old. My parents got divorced at 11 and my mom started seeing my stepdad when I was 12. It was a messy divorce with my stepdad and dad both doing things they shouldn’t have. They basically strongly dislike each other.
At age 15, I moved in with my mom and stepdad full time. This was after he let us all move into his house before he sold it. My stepdad drove me places, took me to concerts, picked me up from after school functions and friends houses. My friends know my stepdad as my dad. My fiance calls my stepdad my dad, since we see him so much more. My stepdad did not have to do any of those things that he did for me. And he continues to be there for me. My stepdad and mom now have 2 children together (half siblings), who love and adore me.
But I told my dad that I would like to have them both walk me down the aisle. He freaked out about it and changed the subject without talking about it. My mom wants me to involve both and quite frankly, so do I! But my brother (full brother) and dad said it was weird.
Am I wrong in asking my Dad to have both of them? Is it strange to feel closer to my stepdad of 14 years than my dad of 26?
Post # 2
writtenvoid: I think you should have both. It’s clearly what YOU want!! I don’t think it’s weird at all. Don’t let your dad manipulate you into not doing what you want!!
Post # 3
writtenvoid: There is no wrong way to do it. As you said, every situation is different. You can ask them to walk on either side of you or your bio Dad can escort you half way down the aisle, then hand you over to your stepdad.
This seems like one of those situations where people are being terribly immature. If your Mom didn’t even start dating your stepdad until the year after she and your Dad divorced, your Dad should be able to accept that stepdad is a part of her life by now.
Post # 4
It actually was 4-6 months after they separated. My dad drug out the divorce. It was ridiculous. They didn’t get divorced until 2 years after they separated and I know my mom wanted to and tried to.. It was just ridiculous how immature everyone was during… Crazy custody battles, rude things said about both parties… but thank you so far for the responses.
Post # 5
Your situation is very similiar to mine. My parents also got divorced when I was around 12, and she began dating my now [step dad, although I don’t call him my “dad” or even “step dad” because he is only 6 years older than me]. I call him his name, which is Mark. Mark has done more for me than my real father ever did. He [and my mom] were there while my daughter passed away in my arms. My bio-father was “unable to make it” because he had to work the next day.
There’s much more to why I dislike my bio-father [I don’t call him dad either, btw – I call him the “biological sperm donor that created me”], including emotional and physical abuse prior to the divorce. But the fact of the matter is that I am not close to him, and besides the fact that I’m thankful that he donated his bodily fluids to create me, I don’t care for him at all.
Because of this, I’m having my Mother and Mark walk me down the aisle, together. I have not told my father yet, but I will tell him when I send the invitation. I wanted to tell him ahead of time so he can gracefully decline if he has a problem with it.
I know my situation isn’t exactly like yours, but, you need to do what makes you happy. Perhaps you could have your real father walk you halfway down the aisle, and then have your step dad meet halfway and walk you the rest of the way?
Post # 6
I’m sorry that your dad is making this awkward/difficult! My situation is somewhat similar to yours- my parents divorced when I was 7, and my mom remarried when I was 9. My dad moved out of town after they got divorced, and my stepdad stepped in to fill his place. I didn’t have much of a relationship with my biological dad growing up, but as I have gotten older, he’s made more and more of an effort to be involved in my life, and I am happy for that. I address them both as “Dad”. I spoke to my bio dad first, and explained that I would like to have both of them walk me down the aisle, as they both played a very important role in my life.
Maybe if you try talking to your dad, and explaining that you’re not trying to diminish his role in the day, but want to make sure that your stepfather is appropriately acknowledged as a strong parental figure in your life. Perhaps you could make it so that your dad is the one that actually gives you away? Making his role slightly different?
Regardless what happens, both your dad and stepdad should realize that this day isn’t about how THEY feel about each other, it’s YOUR day and it’s about how YOU feel. They should be able to put aside their differences to make you happy.