Stepdaughter confused by conflicting religious views

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
1184 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

My oldest is five.  I explain it to her that everyone has different beliefs.  Some people believe there is a God and go to church, some people believe any many gods and worship them through rituals, some people believe in no god and explain our existence with other theories.  I don’t think it really matters.  Children are going to have their own beliefs.  It’s not our job to indocrinate them into our religion.  I think that if she’s with you guys and you attend service, she should go.  If her mother wants her to attend whatever she does for her worship, she should go.  I think just make it clear that everyone believes differently.  I think this is actually a great way to learn acceptance of various attitudes, beliefs, and differences amongst people.

Post # 4
Member
42472 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Gabthebee:  As with most areas that divorced parents have to deal with regarding their children, I think it is easier to say that Mom is entitled to her views, these are our views and you will be able to choose your own views when you are grown.

Post # 5
Member
9137 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

The learning lesson here is to make sure she understands there are lots of religions out there and different people believe different things.  She will have to decide for herself what she is going to believe so instead of putting down mom’s religion, I recommend presenting your own religion as an alternative and present it in the light you want your religion to be seen.  If you are tellingher God exists and he loves you, you ahve to extend it to God also loves mom even though mom doesn’t believe in him.

If you are always positive and guiding, then she will see you as being loving and understanding and extend that to your religion.  If her mom reacts with hostility and anger and ridicule, then eventually she will equate that with mom’s religion.  Just realize that as a parent you can only present information and guide her in religion, but ultimately she will have to decide for herself what she believes.

Post # 8
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

What a rough situation!

I would explain to her that lots of people believe different things!

It might make it easier to say that you and Daddy believe in God and Jesus and celebrate Christmas, but that Mommy doesn’t. And that’s okay! She probably has kids in her class that are Jewish and celebrate a different holiday. Mommy just believes in different things! And tell her when she’s a grown up, she can decide what she believes in, too!

Post # 9
Member
6026 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

@Gabthebee:  I think that approaching the ex is going to make it worse. Maybe explain to the little one that sometimes people get so caught up in what they believe that they forget that there’s more than one name for god and more than one way to worship, and that they forget to act the way god would want them to act. You’re not attacking the child’s mother or her religion this way, and you’re giving a fairly accurate explanation of why some people act like twats when it comes to religion.

Post # 10
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

@beachbride1216:  Your answer is so great I want to reach through the internet and hug you!

Post # 11
Member
42472 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Gabthebee:  Do you seriously think that having  a chat with the ex would help? I’ll bet she gets so defensive that it only makes the matter worse.

As a single mom, I dealth with different opinions on many things when my children were younger. If I tried to tell my ex what he should say or do around our children, he would have told me to go fly a kite.

Post # 12
Member
3424 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Hey y’all,  Pagan here, I think this is a teaching moment for the three of you. Everyone’s going to have to put on their grown up underpants and prepared to get through the awkwardness. All adults should agree that the child should be brought up to be accepting of all FAITHS. I think all parties should agree that the child be raised in a manner that emphasizes good deeds, personal responcibility and charity. 

Its all just different language for the same premise.  The adults in the child’s life need to pow wow and find a happy medium

Post # 14
Member
3210 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

Sort of weird perspective here: when I was three, my dad married a crazy religious zealot. I definitely had someone, for a lot of my childhood, telling me what my mom believed was WRONG and BAD and SHE WAS GOING TO HELL and SO WAS I if I didn’t believe what my (then) stepmom believed.

Honestly, it was a little confusing, but it wasn’t the end of the world. I think that if you don’t feel comfortable addressing your stepdaughter’s mom about it, and just keep telling her exactly what you told her, she’ll be totally fine.

I’m now a very nice atheist, haha, so take that as you will. 🙂

Post # 16
Hostess
9907 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

I think as long as she understands that different people believe different things and that it’s okay to believe something different she’ll be fine.  I wouldn’t force the issue.  Tell her this is what you daddy and I believe, mommy believes something different and that’s okay.  Let her know that it’s okay for her to explore what she wants to believe.  The fact she came to you confused is a good thing – it means she has questions and wants to know more.  

 

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