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Sorry about the drama. That sucks. Honestly, if you already discussed and she had no objections then and you're trying to keep the number down, then I would leave it as it is. If she had a problem, she should have expressed that earlier rather than through someone else. It doesn't seem like she's made an effort to meld the family, so i wouldn't worry about it
I am surpised she asked you. It almost seems petty. Like she is looking out for her friends need rather than looking at this from a subjective point of view. For example, this friend of the FMIL, must know there is some family tension regarding her friend and her son. So why is she putting YOU in the awkward position by telling you how you are snubbing the 'inlaw'??? Also- I would think it is rather unfair of her to put you in the middle. I would think if she really felt the need to say anything at all she contact her friend's son rather than you to discuss this.
I can understand why you would be upset/irritated. But I honestly think you should let it roll off your sleeve. Don't let her contact you on this networking social site. Because there is absolutely no reason why you should be put in the middle of this at all. You are an innocent bystander. You are supporting your FH decision with who he wants at the wedding. And that is as simple as that.
Try to be gracious and kind, and if you feel uncomfortable with any touchy subjects- differ them to your man. Have him deal with it. It seems passive-aggressive that the future MIL's friend not go directly to the source of conflict,but try to put you in the middle of it all. It is seriously a set up for failure, and for them to take your words out of context.
You don't need that. You are being dragged into some debate that isn't up for debate.
My mom and dad are estranged from their father's and their half-siblings. And we aren't inviting them to the wedding. It's not a big deal. You get to invite who ever you want to invite for whatever reason speaks to what kind of ambiance you and your fiance want. Baloney to anyone else who thinks they can try making you feel guilty for your decision(s).
Talk about lack of courtesy and couth!
If your MIL is upset and didn't say anything to you but vented to a friend, good for her! I do that all the time. If I know I'm wrong to be pissed about something, I vent to my fiance or my best friend. If I wanted to tell the person I was upset with that I was upset, I would have. I think your MIL's friend probably meant to protect her friend, but the truth is it isn't any of her business. I wouldn't worry about it. If you MIL was unhappy she either would have or should have said something to her son directly.
On a separate note I do think its nice of your MIL to be understanding. Maybe since you're having a destination wedding, you could buy something local to send as gifts home for each of her stepkids. I'm not saying that you should, but it does seem to be something extra you could do to show her you care. I can tell you do care, since you even posted this to begin with :)
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My fiance and I are doing a destination wedding and then a small recpeption when we get home. His mom remarried 2 yrs ago and has 4 stepchildren. We don't know them at all. She never properly introduced them to us. I just recently learned all their names! We see them about twice a year for about 4hrs. There are so many kids running around that we never get a chance to talk to anyone. We decided back in Nov. since we are paying for everything that we would not invite them to our wedding. We would rather leave the select number people allowed to close family and friends. We are on a very tight budget. We discussed this with his mom and she didn't seem upset with the decision.
Well, I found one of my future MIL friends on a social networking site and she asked if any of the stepfamily were going to our destination wedding or reception. I told her no and that we don't know them well and decided not to invite them. She responded by basically telling me how horrible that was and how it's going to cause major issues. She went on to tell me that I was embarrising myself by snubbing my future MIL. (Keep in mind my fiance's mother decided to visit this woman at Christmas time instead of being with her blood family, but managed to celebrate before she left with her stepfamily.)
This was soley my fiance's decision and I am only supporting him. If his mother had offered to help fianically or make an effort to get us all to know each other things may have been different. She hasn't mentioned this issue to us and I don't feel other people have a right to belittle us for our decison. I am very angry and upset by this (can you tell?)