Post # 1
M stepdaughter is getting married this fall and I need some advice regarding my “place” at the wedding.
My husband and I have been married for 8 years, he is several years older than I am and I am only 15 years older than my stepdaughter. My husband and I have a 5-year-old daughter who will be the flower girl in the wedding.
I feel that because my young daughter is in the wedding that I should be welcome at the rehearsal dinner as well as be available to help her get ready before the wedding. Am I wrong to think that?
Also, I’ve asked my stepdaughter what her mother and the grooms mother will be wearing so that I will be sure that my attire is understated but I have not received a response.
I’m trying to be as unobtrusive as possible but because my daughter is in the wedding I need some details so that I can plan accordingly.
Post # 3
I would assume that as her father’s wife, you would be invited to the rehearsal dinner regardless. If she invites you for the “getting ready” part, great, but if not don’t push it. It’s up to her to decide how much she wants you to be involved, sink think it would be best for you to be reactive to her plans.
Post # 4
You should be at the rehearsal dinner before but the prep beforehand is up to the bride. My mother died when I was in high school and my stepmom wasn’t at the prep the morning of the wedding. I didn’t refuse her coming, I just didn’t ask her to come and she didn’t ask.
Were you involved in raising her? If you weren’t, she might feel uncomfortable inviting you to be involved in everything without hurting her mother’s feelings.
Post # 5
I agree with PP. It would be rude not to invite you to the rehersal dinner, but I wouldn’t expect to be there when she is getting ready unless you are very close, (which it sounds like you’re not). Don’t take any offense to it. It doesn’t mean she doesn’t like you as a person, or that she doesn’t love you as her father’s wife or as her sister’s mother, but the “getting ready” experience is personal for some people. I love my father and his wife, but I would not want her there. It’s not because I do’n tlike her. I like her very much and she is VERY good for my dad. Perfect for my dad, actually. It’s just because I’m not close to her and I would feel awkward with her there, like I had to entertain her or something.
I think you’ve behaved perfectly so far. You’ve put the ball in her court. See what she does with it.
Edit: Advice! If you’re worried because you need to plan logistically for your daughter, I would ask your husband to contact your step-daughter now.
Post # 6
@Buttercup123: First of all, I think it’s great that you are thinking ahead about your role in the wedding, and concerned about stepping on any toes.
I think you were right in asking about attire, and hopefully they’ll get back with you soon! I know my Mom didn’t get her dress until a few months before the wedding, so hopefully they will keep you posted once they figure it out.
As far as getting ready, I wouldn’t expect anything. It’s really up to the bride who she wants there. I think simply asking the bride what time you should be there will give you the heads up on if she wants you there while she’s getting ready.
I can’t imagine you not being at the rehearsal dinner, especially since your daughter is in the wedding. That being said, I’m obviously not familiar with your relationship with your step-daughter.
Post # 7
My fiance’s stepmom married his dad less than 10 years ago but she is definitely invited to the rehearsal dinner. I don’t plan on having any moms in on the getting ready part until the end but that’s just me. I would never invite his dad to an event without inviting her as well–that’s just rude.
You’re being pretty awesome by trying hard to make sure that you are not stepping on any toes. I’d say to just keep asking what you can/should be doing but also try to enjoy yourself. 😀