(Closed) Stepmother advice…

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
1077 posts
Bumble bee

I’m not a stepmom, but I am a stepdaughter! Be active in making sure that your SO has one-on-one time with you stepson. It’s hard not to percieve a new wife as somebody who’s going to take away the already limited time with your Dad. By being happy that they spend time together alone you show that you aren’t trying to come between them. My stepmom and dad had a lot of trouble giving us time to spend alone with our dad, which was really upsetting when we only had 4 days a month to be together.

I hope that helps! If you want any more opinions from someone on the stepchild half of the equation feel free to message me. My dad and stepmom got married when I was 16 too, we had a lot of ups and downs but I think we’ve got a pretty good relationship now.

Post # 4
11343 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

When I married my Darling Husband, I became instant stepmother to four kids (two adults and two young teens.) I had never been married before, and I have no children of my own, though I am extremely close with my best friend’s daughter. 

I am very blessed to have truly wonderful stepchildren, and I love each of them. However, it is always challenging to become a step parent under any circumstances, and you have the additional challenge of being a very young stepmom to a teenager. I am much older than you are, and my teenaged stepson and I have had some difficult moments when he has challenged my authority in some very disrespectful ways, and I was not happy about it. I did not always respond well. I am thankful that someone shared some wise words with me that really helped me to see that I did not need to “win” every battle. Your stepson needs to have a voice and to feel as if he is able to talk to you and be heard.  But he also needs to realize that you are an authority figure in his life, and he needs to show respect for you.

As you all come together to create a new family after your wedding, it’s important for you and your Darling Husband to be on the same page regarding your expectations about what life is going to be like in your new home and family. And your Darling Husband, as your stepson’s father, really needs to set the tone. As hard as it is, and as “unfair” as it may seem, you are going to have to compromise a lot more than you probably would like, because you are the adult and your stepson is still a child, even at 16. The journey you’re about to embark upon is not going to be easy. However, you are being given the awesome opportunity to invest your love, time, and energy into the life of a young man, and you may have a profound influence on his life and future. I wish you the very best as you begin your new life with your new family!

ETA: I think batgirl311 had some good advice for you.  Also, feel free to PM me as well, if you would like.

Post # 6
642 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I am in a similar situation as you are, my soon to be step-daughter is 14 and I am 29. I have done my best to make sure that she has been included in all of our wedding plans and in fact have asked her to be my maid of honour. My Fiance also asked her for her permission to marry me we want to make sure that she knows that she isn’t losing a Dad but is gaining one more person who will love her and support her no matter what. I make sure that she has plenty of time alone with her Dad too. 

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