Stepmother Disrespectful at Wedding, Won't Apologize.

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 3
331 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - Excalibur

 That’s awful but it’s done and over with so there’s not much you can do.  She seems like she’s a rude woman and not going to change her ways.

Post # 4
2562 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

“DELETE?” Who does that? What is she, a Dalek??

I think your stepmom and your father are very much in the wrong here, and they owe your mother and yourself an apology for their disrespectful behaviour.

But pointing fingers or even asking politely won’t make them do that.

Your mother should block them from her phone, and you should block them from your lives – they don’t really sound like they’re worth it.

Post # 5
2657 posts
Sugar bee

Yikes.  Sorry you had to go through that.  There really isn’t much you can do for now.  You and your husband have said what you need to say.  The ball is in your stepmom’s court now.  If she wants to be immature and disrespectful, then that’s her problem.  I’d move on and try not to communicate with her unless she wants to apologize.

Post # 6
2299 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

@CakeyP:  Agreed. OP, just tell your mom that you are sorry about the seating incident, and move on. No more communication with your stepmother… it doesn’t sound like she’s worth the headache.

Post # 7
866 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@Bridezuki:  You can’t make anyone apologize just like you can’t change who they are.  You have said your piece and she has responded.  I say don’t give her any respect she hasn’t given you.  I wouldn’t be trying to include or please her in the future.  Especially if it inconveniences me in any way.  I would not involve my wedding planner as it is not her job to police family drama, especially after the wedding.  Your mom will have to stand up for herself at some point too.

I am really sorry that happened and I know you probably don’t want the relationship with your stepmother to be more strained but at some point, you just have to take it all for what it is.

Post # 8
5883 posts
Bee Keeper

You obviously can’t force someone to apologize, and it sounds like she feels she did nothing wrong anyway. Unfortunately, you can’t have a do-over and no apologies will rectify that.

I’d let it go and distance myself from both of them. I don’t think either of them will ever ‘get it’.

Post # 9
3009 posts
Sugar bee

@Bridezuki:  is getting a demanded apology really valuable. You know what this woman is like- you know what to expect. It’s crappy that she did this at your wedding but there’s really no way to fix it- even with an empty apology. Sorry 🙁

Post # 10
1243 posts
Bumble bee

@Bridezuki:  Our situation was a little different, however someone at our ceremony placed themselves where my mother was supposed to be, and as a result, all of my ceremony pictures from a certain angle have this woman in them, and I have no unobstructed pictures of my mother during the ceremony.

I was a little pissed about this, but like you, there was nothing I could do about it at the time, and there is nothing I can do about it now. (Likewise, my mother was rather upset about it, compunded by the fact someone wrote an article about our wedding and misidentified this woman as my mother because of where she was standing).

All I can say is this–until there is a time machine, there is absolutely nothing you can do to change what happened.  Even an apology from this woman won’t change the fact your mom wasn’t where she was supposed to be. All the discussion in the world won’t change it either.  I think you just have to find a way to make your mother feel better about the day (show her pictures of the two of you together, reminisce about getting ready, etc).

There is far more to this than just the wedding, a clear pattern of behaviour on the part of this woman, and perhaps lingering hard feelings harboured by your mother. There is nothing you can do about either of those.  But don’t let yourself get caught up in their issues and let it mar your memories of your day.  My mother can hold a grudge like nobody’s business, and even she acknowledged when she saw our pro shots that there was nothing to be done about it now and it’s not worth the effort of being upset about it (I just about feel off my chair–that is very unlike her!).  You can’t change anyone’s outlook, but your mother is a big girl and is responsible for herself, and you can choose not to get involved or try to play peacemaker between everyone.  Your SM was out of line, yes.  But like I said, what’s done is done, and everyone just needs to accept it and focus on the happiness of the day, not the one negative.

Post # 12
1362 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Turf Valley

You are a better person than I am.  I would probably turn into a psycho if my STEPMOTHER started berating my MOTHER because my STEPMOTHER was a dirty, lying, manipulative, disrespectful bish.  Oh my gosh I am raging for you right now.  I’m sorry you have to deal with this woman’s crap.  I would stop all contact with my father and step mother until they either:

A) Apologized

or B) Actually I wouldn’t talk to them until they apologized.  It’s the only thing they can do.  They can’t GIVE BACK the experience your mother missed out on. 

Post # 13
1988 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

What a mean bitch! Who prevents the mother of the bride from seating in her assigned seat, AND refuses to apologize, AND attacks the person she’s hurt?!? Who is she, a particularly evil cross between Cruella de Ville and Snow White’s stepmother? I can’t believe it. 

You know what, next time she asks you to do something, reply with “DELETE”! And delete this toxic person from your life, she’s not worth your time. I’m so sorry she’s doing this to you and your mother. 

Post # 14
724 posts
Busy bee

I’d be disappointed with my wedding planner, to be honest. It was her job to correct the situation, and I think it’s a problem that she didn’t follow-through when the first attempt wasn’t effective. BUT. Nothing can really be done about it now.

A badly behaved adult behaved badly, and didn’t enjoy having a “child” discipline her. None of this should be surprising.

Don’t waste your time on this woman. If this were me, I’d ask my photographer to pay special attention to the ceremony shots so that I could get a selection of the best ones professionally printed to give to my mother. Considering her contribution to the wedding, I would spare no expense in trying to make something special for her. It can’t make up for a missed moment, but it’s a gesture that will mean a lot to a parent.

Post # 15
1613 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Bridezuki:  Your SM did this on purpose and is THRIVING in your anger and the hurt she caused. She knows she’s forever ruined her “rivals” special day.

I would recommend cooling your relationship with them.

Post # 16
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

How awful!

There’s no fixing it now. Just leave it alone and bring your Mom out to lunch/watch the wedding video together.

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