Post # 1
A little background — my parents are divorced, my dad married a woman with two kids and then they had two kids so I have a stepbrother and stepsister and half-brother and half-sister. My stepsister used to live in the same city as I do, she’s a bit older and we never lived in the same house (I grew up with my mom). We get along well because we have some of the same issues with our parents and she’s generally a nice girl but we’re by no means close. I got engaged in January and she hasn’t said congratulations or acknowledged it and while that upsets me, here is my larger delimma: I’m asking my half-sister to be a bridesmaid (she’s in college and is really excited and I’d love to be closer to her), do you think I’m obliged to have my stepsister as well? I’m trying not to let my hurt feelings weigh in on the situation. She’s kind of an alternative girl anyway and I think it might just make her feel uncomfortable, but I would hate to have her feel left out.
Has anyone been in this kind of funky-family situation?
Post # 3
I have a 17 year old stepsister who I am not really close with, but when I’m with her, she is very sweet and we chat like friends. I was hesitant about asking her to be a BM, but my FI insisted on it and now I am glad he did. She is always interested to hear things about the wedding and seems excited to be a part of it (unlike some of my other BMs). I also have a half brother who is 7 who I am super close to (like another mom) and he is our ring bearer.
Post # 4
Is there some other job you could offer your stepsister? Like guest book attendant or candle lighter or something else? That way she would still be involved and not feel like you didn’t include her but it would not be uncomfortable for her since she is not that type. Hope it all works out!
Post # 5
How big of a deal is it to you? It sounds like you’d be Ok with having her in the wedding. Maybe she would like it. I don’t know. You said she was alternative. So maybe she doesn’t care too much. But I wouldn’t really know.
I don’t know if your relationship with her is cleanly reciprocal, that you would have to ask her. But if it were me, unless I thought she’d be a BM with a bad attitude etc., I’d probably ask her.
Post # 6
Hello…. I am new to the board but I hope I can share… I have a crazy family situation myself. I have 5 sisters, with that said only 2 are in my wedding and no feelings have been hurt. I am the only child that my mother and father have together, and then my mother had another daughter with a previous relationship who is younger than me. She is in the wedding as a BM. 1 other sister who is in my wedding as a BM is from my father and also a previous relationship. Other than that the other 3 are 100% okay with not being involved in the wedding party. I have 1 cousin, and 2 friends as BMs as well….
Post # 7
I think that if you guys are relatively close, asking her to be a bridesmaid would be a great opportunity to become closer with her. Sometimes when people don’t congratulate us, its not because they aren’t happy for us. Perhaps she wnated to call you, but time got away from her and then she felt a little stupid about the whole situation.
If you’d like her to be part of the wedding, don’t take her actions as being uninterested in you & your wedding.
If you REALLY don’t want her to be part of the wedding, then perhaps you could ask her to do a reading or something like that.
Post # 8
Thanks for the advice! I’m leaning towards not asking her… Maybe I’ll ask her mom (my step-mother)?
Post # 9
Sure, ask her mom her opinion on it. If you aren’t opposed to her being in the wedding party, though, it would be a nice gesture to include all siblings and it could be a good opportunity to get closer. Let us know what her mom says, though, maybe she’ll know for a fact that your step-sister wouldn’t even be interested.