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I think it might be stressful for him to talk about it now. He probably already feels bad that he lost his job and doesn't have as much $$ for the ring as you both might have assumed in the past.
Is there any specific reason you need a year-long engagement? I would say if you are both on the same page about getting married next summer, it doesn't hurt to wait a few months to get a ring.
Are you willing to get a non precious stone in your ring... or even a CZ? If so, you could maybe mention to him when the time is right that you'd prefer to get a CZ ring for now... and that you guys can always upgrade for a 5 or 10 year anniversary!
That would let you guys get engaged now without worrying too much about money... and would give you your one year engagement.
I guess the key question is: which do you feel more strongly about... getting a diamond, or having a full year engagement? If it's the latter, then mentioning flexibility around the ring might be your best bet.
Good luck!!!
Good points. Thank you both for your input!! A temporary stone is a great idea, but, I was thinking about maybe suggesting a proposal with a less-expensive "placeholder" ring, that I could eventually use as a RHR? My birthday is in a couple weeks and I would love it if he would get me my birthstone in a ring! Gaaah... so I suppose if he asks me what I want for my birthday, I could say, "An aquamarine ring! *wink wink!*" Hehe... I really don't know if he would go for that though. He is very traditional and I think it might break his heart a bit to not give me *the* ring at the time.
I want a year-long engagment because I know I will feel very stressed trying to plan the wedding in any less time. It is basically going to be a destination wedding, for us at least. We want to have an outdoor ceremony near where our families live in Portland, OR, which means the wedding needs to be in the less-rainy summer months. That's why we were hoping/planning on being engaged by this summer. :-/
I wouldn't have been comfortable buying a CZ ring either, unless my SO made it very clear to me that she was OK with it.
I personally think it's incredibly romantic for a guy to hear an SO say that she doesn't care if the ring is a plain band with a CZ rock. It makes you feel like she really wants to just marry you, and doesn't care about the material things in life.
In any case, if you do talk about the ring... I would be very explicit about being happy with a birthstone ring for your engagement (or even, preferring it - if that's how you feel, that is). Getting engaged is an area where most guys don't want to take a chance without very clear guidance!
I think regardless of how the ring situation turns out, you can definitely start planning before the official proposal so that you have enough time. If you both decided to get married, I think that's enough to consider yourself engaged.
I dont see a problem with you bringing up the engagement if you two have already previously discussed it and have a set a time frame it might ease the stress of thinking about it.
I was going to add exactly what GirlWithARing said! LOL. There are plenty of bees on here that have started planning with their SO before there is actually a ring. I believe a proposal isnt about the ring but the actual decision on getting married that to me alone means you are engaged.
I think it is perfectly OK to bring up this conversation with your SO...you are not pressuring him you are just having an informative conversation. and if you are OK with an aquamarine ring and OK with planning even before a ring just make sure that you tell your SO that...im sure it has been somewhere in the back of his mind too and he is just prob not sure now to talk about it...so it actually may be a relief if you bring it up!
I love what you said, Mr. Bee. It is romantic to show your partner you care more about them than the symbol of their love. And, thank you so much for giving the male perspective! Always appreciated!
You ladies make a great point, as well. I'm starting to think that maybe the conversation I should have should be more of a, "Hey, are you still okay with sticking to our summer of 2011 wedding plan? If so, are you okay with me starting to get things in order for it even though we aren't officially engaged?" kind of thing. I think that way, maybe it would ease the pressure on him to come up with the ring relatively soon.
But even still, I may give that convo a couple weeks just so that the stress of the job and getting situated again isn't quite as fresh. I'm a little nervous to even say anything at this point.
Oh, side note: A couple days ago I was browsing through looking at some of my favorite rings online (I like to daydream...what can I say?), and left the browser tabs up unintentionally in a separate window. After he borrowed my computer, I saw that the whole window was closed! I know he saw them. I felt more than a little embarrassed. Do you think he closed them out to signal to me that he saw it? :(
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Well, there has been lots happening in the Mango household as of late. J lost his job exactly one month ago. It was a bittersweet sort of a thing, because he hated the job, but it was a very well-paying position, so it left him pretty shaken up about his financial situation.
Selfishly, my first thought when this happened was, "Oh noooo! Now we can't get engaged when I thought we would!"
Yeeesh. We are doing okay now, considering, because he is getting unemployment benefits along with sidework that is looking like it will lead to a permanent business partnership. But I know the way that he works, and I can't see him digging into his savings any time soon to spend what I know he will want to spend for the ring.
But... we are planning on getting married next summer! So I am mildly freaking out a little. I really want a year-long engagement, and he is aware of this. Originally, that meant getting engaged in the next probably three months, which meant putting deposits on a ring, like, now! :(
I haven't brought up anything about us getting engaged or married since this happened, and I really am not sure if I should. But I really would like to know what he is thinking and how he is feeling about everything.
Now, I am a huge proponent of Mr. Bee's Engagement Plan, however, even Mr. Bee explained that it is really meant for "commitment-phobes," and not those who have definite plans for the future. J is FAR from the former, and has made it crystal clear that he plans on marrying me next summer. Would I be pushy/unfair/foolish/insert silly-girl adjective here, to try to bring the engagement subject up right now? If not, any suggestions on how to approach it?