Sticking to timelines!

posted 2 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
6592 posts
Bee Keeper

It sounds like he’s being pretty reasonable. I actually had a more liberal timeline in my head than FI, so I was pleasantly surprised the way things turned out. Just focus your time on other stuff like work or hobbies.

Every now and then you can look at wedding stuff, but not too much! I didn’t start reading weddinbee boards regularly until after I was engaged. It would’ve driven me crazy to read this stuff if I wasn’t engaged yet! Enjoy your pre-engaged time!

Post # 3
Member
2566 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Relax!  You have plenty of time before June 2015.  He could surprise you early, or he could wait until the end.  I say, try to keep it out of your mind until end of June.  Until then!  Email him the rings you like for the next month or so, then leave it alone 😉

Post # 4
Member
68 posts
Worker bee

I understand what you are going through. That is hard. I do think that reading the boards sometimes puts thoughts in my head that aren’t necessarily the best. I also think that for every thread you read about someone not sticking to a timeline . . . there are just as many that DO adhere to the timeline, we probably just tend to gloss over those. I know for me, it’s always the negative stuff that sticks in my head and somehow all the positives sometimes seem to be overlooked.

Post # 5
Member
2394 posts
Buzzing bee

ScarlettOHara:  There are engagement timelines and then there are wedding timelines. Engagements don’t always lead to marriage. I was less concerned with when we would get formally engaged, and more concerned with when we actually agreed to get married. I figured that if he would actually agree on a wedding date and a wedding plan, that was a stronger sign of commitment and seriousness than just getting engaged. 

The way I coped was by setting my own private timeline for us getting married. It was like a goal that I set for myself/us. 

Like you and your SO, we were serious about each other early on. DH was dropping marriage hints, but no specifics. After a year or so of dating, I decided that I wanted us to be married, or almost married, by the time we hit the two year mark. 

I didn’t move in with him because I knew if I did that, I would get more stressed out about the waiting process. I found it easier to deal with the unknowns by having my own place and my own space. I wanted him to know that if he wanted me to be in his life 100%, he would have to put a ring on it. I also didn’t want to feel like he had me in the bag and he didn’t have to work for me anymore, lol. 

The holidays and Valentine’s Day came and went with no proposal, so not long after that I picked a night when we were both in a good mood and relaxed with a couple of glasses of wine. I worked up my courage and told him how much I loved him and wanted to be with him forever, but that (deep breath) I didn’t know how long I could stay in a relationship without knowing exactly where it was headed.

To my relief he said he wanted us to get married, but he had a wedding date in mind the following year. So I just told him I would really rather get married sooner than that, because my apartment lease was going to expire the following Christmas (our two-year mark) and I would either have to renew it, or move somewhere else.

He offered for me to move in with him so that we could live together until we got married, but I told him I wasn’t comfortable with that. So long story short, we talked it over and he agreed to get married at the two-year mark, when my apartment lease expired, so that we could make it official when I moved in with him.

So I guess all of this is a long way of saying that my advice to you would be to try to pin him down to a wedding date — not an engagement date — that you’re comfortable with. If you have to compromise to come to an agreement, then compromise. But try to get a wedding timeline on the table, if you can.

My DH ended up formally proposing only a month or so before we got married. I wasn’t that stressed about it because I knew it was coming — we were renovating the house we would be moving into as newlyweds, etc., so I knew it was a done deal.

My other advice would be not to accept any vague answers or vague timelines. You’ve been together for two years and you’re living together. You deserve to know what’s going on with your life and your future. You would not be out of line at all to ask those specific questions. 

Good luck to you!

 

Post # 6
Member
921 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

I can’t say there won’t be bumps in the road. Try not to drive yourself crazy. You might end up having some tough conversations. Or it may be effortless. It’s unique to each relationship.

I will admit I’ve had a relationship that I thought was forever that didn’t make it through the waiting period.  And now I have a relationship I think is forever, I’ve waited even longer, and we’re gonna make it 🙂

My litmus test is this: if the timeline has fallen short, is he still taking care of YOU emotionally and romantically? Do you feel loved and secure, and that it’s OK to have your feelings even if it’s  hard sometimes? 

The guy who’s just stringing you along won’t take care of your feelings and will retreat under pressure. Just my opinion. 

If it’s right, you’ll work it out. 

 

Leave a comment


Sent weekly. You may unsubscribe at any time.

Find Amazing Vendors