Post # 1
I am getting ready to start working on our RSVP cards so I can get our invites mailed by mid-February. My question is this.
FI and I do not want a ton of kids there. If we allowed everyone to bring their kids we would have well over 70 kids there and our budget just isnt there for that. So we have agreed upon inviting the children of parents in the wedding and first cousins kids. My own daughters will be in the wedding and we have given my nephew the job as program boy(that’s what he calls himself).
I attached our RSVP card.
I plan on writing in only the parents names and not including ‘& family’ on the invite as well as the RSVP. The childrens’ names nor will ‘& family’ be anywhere on the invite for those we are not including their children.
My worry is, what if people cross out the number I put in as the number of seats we have reserved and put their kids in?
Is there a polite way to say, sorry your kids aren’t invited. I know it’s rude to invite some and not others but I want kids their I don’t know and I really don’t want a ton of them either. I don’t like kids being on the dance floor, or getting into things and running around. It’s a wedding, not Chucky Cheese.
Post # 3
you are saying “kids aren’t invited” by filling in the blank and only putting the adults’ names on the envelopes. if people cross out the number and write in their kids, you’ll have to call them and explain their kids aren’t invited.
Post # 4
i have struggled with this too and i’ve kind of made it a point for my mom and FI’s mom to put the word out there about kids not being allowed. I dont mind if they come to the ceremony but i do not plan on feeding them. I dont even mind if they are at the reception but only after dinner..when the dancing begins. We plan on deginating a hotel room (given our reception is at the same hotel) for pizza and movies for the kids to keep them occupied while we enjoy our nice dinner. maybe you could designate someone to get the word out?
Post # 5
On another thread a bride posted her invitation that included a phrase at the bottom ‘Since we are blessed with so many people who love and support us, we ask that you limit your number of guests who have been invited.’ However, she posted on here because people still included extra #s (kids, nonetheless) but she couldn’t have been more clear on the invites.
Post # 6
We have started to kind of drop hints that we are looking forward to having a nice adult evening. I am not even letting my daughters stay there the whole night. They are in the wedding but they will be going home at a certain time because I am not going to be chasing around after them or listening to a hundred requests or having them argue with each other because they are tired. They can eat and stay for an hour or so and then it’s off to great grandma’s because she will want to go home early.
Post # 7
I am just not sure how to tell the people who end up adding their kids on the RSVP when their kids are clearly not included when I put __2___seats are reserved for Mr. and Mrs. So and So
Post # 8
Tell them you are giving your guests some child free time to enjoy. If they don’t get it be blunt. Let them know you are having an adult ceremony for adult enjoyment and for budgetary reasons. Nuff said.
Post # 9
We had this concern as well. We were really lucky and only had one family sort of complain and another who was confused. We explained that there truly was not any room for any sort of set up (pack n’ play, etc) and that the only baby we were expecting was one who was 5 weeks old. When they got to the venue, they completely understood. Honestly, they would have been uncomfortable had they brought their child. I think that the key is for parents to not be upset if their kids are not invited and for brides and grooms to not be upset about those parents who choose to stay at home with their kids.
EDIT: I just wanted to add that we used the below wording on our website under the FAQ section to explain the reason why we were having no children…I got it from the ‘Bee but I can’t remember which post it was under. You could just say this to people (obviously saying that bridal party kids and first cousins’ kids are coming)
“We look forward to dancing the night away with all of you but, due to the venue size, we are limited to an adult-only reception. Thanks for your understanding”
It’s awkward, but the thing to remember is that they are the ones who are being rude by adding extra people to your RSVP cards. People should know enough to know that the people who are invited are the people whose names are on envelope….end of story. So, if it happens, just be brave (I know this is difficult) and clearly explain the situation: due to space (venue style, etc) and budgetary constraints, you’ve had to limit the guest list to children of the bridal party and the kids of first cousins. You can apologize….even though you really shouldn’t have too. The other thing is that you can always say that you understand completely if they feel that because you’re not inviting their kids you’ll understand if they are unable to come. Most will find a babysitter.
Post # 10
from a few recent threads people are going to cross out and add people no matter what you do. one person invited 2 and they rsvp’d 12 – yes twelve
maybe adding “adult reception only” will help but you are going to get questions/complaints so make sure both you and your FI are on the same battle plan to beat the complainers back