Sticky Money Issue

posted 2 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
1236 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - San Francisco, CA

No, you should not be expected to pay for the bridal shower, ESPECIALLY if you will not be attending. It’s never a requirement. It’s often seen as the kind thing to do, but it’s not a requirement. You were under no compunction to pay $600 for the bachelorette party, either; that was more than generous enough. That’s certainly not petty money (nor is $50, for a lot of people.) You’re within your rights to say “[Cousin], my budget is tapped out. I’m sorry that I will not be able to contribute to the bridal shower [or attend, whatever the case may be]. Looking forward to catching up with you at the rehearsal dinner!” I would not, however, point out that they did not attend or pay for the bachelorette party, or mention that you or the bride were disappointed in their non-attendance. That’s irrelevant to this particular point.

Post # 3
576 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I’d be tempted to send them a bill for the bachelorette party, then.


Post # 4
2915 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas

It was a bitchy thing for her to say, especially in light of what happened with the bachelorette party. That said, I still think you should help with the costs of the shower if you are attending. 

Post # 5
1298 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Agree with PP. You’ve done more than enough covering for the bach trip. My question is, if the mom is covering the food for this party and it’s being held at someone’s house (no rental fee) then what “supplies” are necessary to warrant an additional $50 from everyone? 

Post # 7
12873 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I would respond back to said cousin saying that they owe you $50 bucks for the bachelorette party to cover cost *even though they couldn’t attend*.  And then hand it back to her for the bridal shower or tell her nevermind, she can just apply what she owes you for the bachelorette to the shower.

Post # 8
291 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

ha whaattt???? Just respond to the email and kindly say that you understand. Then tell her to take your $50 portion out of the $300 she owes you for the bachlorette party….and to take the $50 the other bridesmaid owes out of the $300 the other cousin owes. lol. for real though. thats absurd.

Post # 9
2047 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

rachel85:  HA, I would reply with something like this: 

oh sorry, actually I thought we werent doing things that way unless we could attend since that is how it was handled for the bachelorette party. Since other BM “x” and I were the only ones who chipped in for the bill at 600 each I didnt think that was the case…… but if we are going to be splitting everything between all BM thats great, I guess while on the subject the brides bill for vegas was 600 each, so you can just take the 50 bucks off the $300 tab you guys technically owe each of us and you can send me a chq for 250 and other cousin BM who didnt attend can send 250 to BM “x” 🙂 I just figure since we’re all trying to be “fair” here…. if you guys need the money I’ll be more then glad to help, but Im just trying to make sure we’re all on the same page with our BM duties….after all… this is for (bride) and I want her to have an amazing shower so Im in for whatever you need. Have a great day.

seriously lol!!!! DO=IT …..then if anything remotely gets back to the bride her cousins will look like the assholes (they are)….and honestly its the truth. I’d be shocked if they came back and still asked…. they may say something snarky about it but who the hell cares

Post # 11
2649 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

TuxedoCat:  Write them back and tell them you are happy they feel so strongly about all the BM’s paying their share of BM expenses.  Add what you spent for the bachellorette party to what they are asking you to pay for the shower.  Deduct what you and other BM paid for Vegas bachelorette and let them know how much they need to reimburse you.  

Your Bride friend was kind of a jerk to ask you to fund a Vegas weekend for her.  It’s not up to the bride to dictate what she wants for a bachelorette and stick her friends with the bill.

Post # 12
2047 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

TuxedoCat:  NICE!! haha, im sorry but they shot themselves in the foot the minute they said “you should have expected to pay for all events even if you cant attend…..”

Post # 13
3 posts
  • Wedding: December 1969

When there is conflict over the phone or in person discussion is best!

Post # 14
107 posts
Blushing bee

TuxedoCat:  I had the same situation. I was a BM expected to pay for an expensive dress without asking me or anyone else my budget, and paying for a bachelorette I didn’t go to and that I was not included in planning for.

The only responsibilities you have are for your dress, hair, makeup and shoes, and to show up for the rehearsal and ceremony.

I think wedding culture can be really vicious. You’re not unjustified in your feelings. I can’t tell you what to do, but just know this is a common problem with weddings..

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