Sticky moral situation — what would you do?

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
4528 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

I wouldn’t tell him. Talk to your sister and encourage her to make better choices, but telling her BF on her could really hurt your relationship with her.

Post # 4
Member
2616 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

i wouldnt tell the bf she needs to put her big girl panties on and break it off befor she takes off her panties with another guy.

Post # 5
Member
4317 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I wouldn’t tell him, but I wouldn’t lie for her either, especially since she is using you as an excuse.

Post # 6
Member
9697 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@QueenOfSerendip:  No, you shouldn’t. It’s none of your business and people often shoot the messenger. She is an adult (even if she isn’t acting like one) and is accountable for her own choices. Her partner should be able to figure out that he is being two timed and if he can’t, then perhaps he lives under a rock.

I sure wouldn’t continue to be her excuse though. If he asks you, “how was [whatever event] that you and [sister’s name] went to?” then I would absolutely say, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I don’t condone cheating and I won’t help anyone cheat. Having said that, I still won’t get involved in other people’s drama.

Post # 7
Member
9149 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@QueenOfSerendip:  I wouldn’t tell the boyfriend outright but I wouldn’t cover for her either.  If she says she was with you when she was really with boyfriend 2 then I would say “No, you were out with Boyfriend 2 that night, remember?”

Post # 9
Member
9697 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@QueenOfSerendip:  Some people do turn a blind eye to cheating. It is not up to you to decide what is best for their relationship. You think what your sister is doing is wrong (and I think most people would agree with that), but maybe she has some sort of understanding with her boyfriend. Their issues are none of anyone’s business except their own and they need to deal with them.

I know it’s hard, but we have to let people live their own lives.

Post # 10
Member
8477 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

I know it’s hard, but we have to let people live their own lives.

@MrsPanda99:  +1000000!!

Post # 11
Member
1336 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@QueenOfSerendip:  The bond with your sister is absolutely one I would never ever want to break, or ruin.  Sure, she is making TERRIBLE decisions, but she is still ‘young’ too.  I think in telling her bf, you will cause a chain of events that would ultimately end up hurting that bond 🙁  Such as, her not confiding in you these things, of which ARE WRONG, but at least you know what she is up too as well!?

 

If I were you, I would tell her that she is not permitted to use you in her lies any longer.  That if her bf were to ask if she was with you, you would need to be honest with him from this point forward.

 

Then, I would continuously encourage her to end things with them both.  Beyond that, this is her life to live, and well, she will eventually learn the error of her ways.  I promise!

 

Post # 12
Member
7504 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Stay out of it. You can’t save her from herself. I know it sucks. But using you as a coverup, nip that in the bud. She can lie but she should NOT mixing you into her nonsense. 

Post # 13
Member
431 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Nah, just leave it and let their relationship run its course. May be he already knew about her cheating already, may be not. I would not involve in this mess. They are all adults, let them figure it out

Post # 14
Member
1274 posts
Bumble bee

Stay out of it.

Tell your sister you won’t lie for her or cover up for her anymore. She’s a big girl now, you don’t have to protect her from herself. So if her BF asks you what you guys did the other night, you can feel free saying, “I don’t know what you are talking about. I haven’t seen her since Saturday.” 

 

Post # 15
Member
499 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I wouldnt tell the boyfriend but I for sure would not agree to cover for her anymore.

Post # 16
Member
2899 posts
Sugar bee

I would sit with my sister and be firm with her : I don’t encourage you to do this, and I will not let you use me as a cover anymore.

But if your relationship is good with your sister, I would also encourage you to have an open heart conversation with her. What makes her unhappy ? Want does she want in life, and how can she achieve it ? I mean, maybe she doesn’t realize she needs direction because she’s really confused about what she wants, yet she would never dare to ask you or her friends (maybe they are not best advisers either). It really depends on the quality of your relationship, but if you two are close, you should express your concerns. Who knows, maybe you’ll help her more than you think by just being present and listening to her.

 

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