Sticky situation * FMIL help *

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 3
3089 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@SillyFruit:  Do you and/or FI happen to know all of your parent’s lifelong friends and FI’s family members you’re wanting to invite?  If so, I would have FI talk to her and let her know you’re wanting to keep it more intimate and only invite people that the two of you know.  That’s what we did to avoid any issues. We actually had a rule that if BOTH of us didn’t know the people, they weren’t invited.

Post # 4
7286 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Work out the total number of guests that you can invite and then divide the guests list into 3 (you&FI, Brides parents, grooms parents). Then divide the grooms parents guest number by 2 and let FFIL & FMIL know that is the amount of guests they can bring. You could give your parents 10% off the top to begin with since they are conributing the most if you want to keep the peace (so 100 guest- 10% to brides parents = 10 guests. Then 90 guests divided by 3 = 30 guests per party. So your parents would get 40 guests.)

Just let everyone know that it was the fairest way to work it out. You could also use your guest allocation to include family that didn’t make the list on your parents guests list.

Post # 5
964 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014


Your friends – 20

Your family – 62 guests

Fi’s Dad’s family (not paying) – 41 guests

FI’s Mom’s family (paying) – 17 guests.


“My parents are paying for 90% of the wedding and they feel that they should be able to invite their life long friends and cousins, over FMIL co-worker and extended family”

Aren’t cousins extended family? FMIL may not be paying for much, but she is paying, and she’s paying more than her ex-husband who has double the guests she does. If you don’t invite her co-workers, at least invite her extended family. I don’t think it’s fair to judge how close her relationships are. She may have reasons for wanting them there beyond “beefing up” the guest list. I mean, are your parents super close with all 62 people they’re inviting?

Post # 7
115 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

Would it be easier to just say only family to both of your sets of parents? That way you don’t have to pick and choose which friends or extended family gets in and which don’t- its more of a blanket decision. That way, you don’t look like the bad guy saying “We like you more” or “That side is paying more” when guest list questions come up. Its hard that once someone has a penny (or thousands of dollars) in the pot, they have a lot of say. Hopefully you can strike a balance!

Post # 9
964 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@SillyFruit:  Maybe you should invite the co-workers (since FMIL seems closer to them than family) and her family up to first cousins.

Post # 12
1168 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@SillyFruit:  17 guests is small vs 41 or 66. If you splt guest counts by actual parent. 

Your mom: 33

Your dad: 33

His mom: 17

His dad: 41


His dad has the most guest! 

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