Sticky situation: SIL owes us over $1500…

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 3
4760 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@the_newlymintedmrs-s17:  you can contact her yourself?

If you guys give presents to each other, evey time it’s christmas or her birhtday she can get a voucher that says you now owe us 1,4000, not 1350 etc, until it’s paid off Feel free to add interest through the years.

Post # 4
2884 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

ok if it was christmas break its been what, a few weeks? so a while, but still not in the realms of ridiculous yet. if it were me, id wait a few weeks then send her a message myself

Post # 6
1425 posts
Bumble bee

Even if you don’t get along, I would still contact her, especially if your husband won’t. It’s a substantial amount of money.

Post # 7
2649 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@the_newlymintedmrs-s17:  One of you should send her a friendly, casual e-mail saying that her share of the party came to X, her share of the gift came to X, total comes to X.  

She owes you the money but honestly, in future, if you decide you want to throw a party or give a gift to someone, do it yourselves or offer others to opt in but get the money up front.  

This may be an expensive lesson.  She may just send you a check.  But if she doesn’t – you both have to determine how far you’re willing to go to collect the debt.  Sounds like your FI isn’t willing to go too far.  My advise is to maybe draft a nice email and ask him to send it or allow you to send it.  She’ll either honor her promise or she won’t.  If she doesn’t, you can decide to escalate or let it go.  If you let it go, just take it as notice to never trust her with money issues in the future.  

Post # 8
1532 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I am very sorry.  I do want to ask, without being snarky, how this developed.  Maybe SIL didnt expect this to run more than a couple hunder dollars.  I dont know how you handled it, but if I ask someone to go in on a party with me,  I discuss budget up front.  For my mom’s retirment party, we did hot dogs and hamburgers in my back yard.

Post # 9
2355 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@the_newlymintedmrs-s17:  When giving money to family, for the sake of everyone’s sanity, only give what you can afford and never expect it back. Always look at that money as being gone for good even if they promise up and down to repay it. If someone cannot cover their share of the cost of a combined gift until a later date, assume that date will never come. Do not do combined gifts in the future.

Basically, you are right now within your rights to remind her, but ultimately, that’s $1,500 you will most likely never see and that you will need to forgive and forget.


Post # 10
9949 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

@MsW-to-MrsM:  This.  Never loan money to someone if you can’t afford to lose it.

That being said…contact her and say, “Hey Jalisah, since you owe us $1500, can you set up a payment plan?  You can send us a check for $150 for the next ten pay periods, and that will settle the amount.”  Then see what she says…see if she does it…and if she doesn’t…well, lesson learned.

Post # 11
5162 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

@Zhabeego:  +1, I think you hit it on the nose.

Post # 12
2851 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I am not sure what’s stopping you from contacting her yourself? You are family after all.

Post # 14
965 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

@the_newlymintedmrs-s17:  Personally, I would just take my FI’s cell phone and text her myself. I also know that he wouldn’t be mad, though. We use each others phones all the time.

Post # 15
6697 posts
Bee Keeper

@Zhabeego:  +1. There’s nothing wrong with a follow up email or phine call if done in a relaxed, matter of fact way, as if you are just reviewing the final totals.  

I agree with OP’s H that he’s the one who should handle it, NOT OP. 

Post # 16
1180 posts
Bumble bee

I agree that the OP shouldn’t contact SIL, this is something her FI should do. And he does need to do it. I’m also annoyed that the FI let this money be spent without letting the OP know that he never expected to be paid back. I have a feeling OP wouldn’t have allowed this to get to $1500 had she known that. 

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