Post # 1
okay, well when we first got engaged I had picked my Future Sister-In-Law, and two cousins who are sisters to be my bridesmaids.
Well, Future Sister-In-Law is planning my bridal shower and was wanting/needing help(both fiancial and not) from my cousins, they had declined to help. Nor do they offer to help with any other wedding stuff.
Also, one is in highschool and the other is a freshman in college. Well they can’t pay for the dress that I had decided on. My aunt(their mother) will most likely end up paying for their dresses. I will also say that my aunt has been laid off for the past year and can probably not afford to pay for both dresses. The dress that I had picked will be $240.
My question is, would it be wrong to ask one to step down and possibly help with programs or give them a seperate job. I can then help pay for my Future Sister-In-Law and my cousins dress so that they will only have to pay $150.
How do I go about this in the kindest most etiquette way? I don’t want to hurt their feelings.
Post # 3
I don’t think I would have expected a high school student and a freshman in college to pay $240 for a dress. I don’t think they knew what they were getting into when they said yes to being in the wedding.
I don’t think there is a way for you to ask them or even one to step down without hurt feelings. Can you find a cheaper dress?
I nearly had a heart attack paying $220 for a dress and that didn’t even include tax and alterations and i’m 26. I can’t imagine how they felt being asked to pay $240 for a dress that probably isn’t including tax/alterations.
There are lots of dresses out there. Maybe try to find a similar style that is a more reasonable price? That way maybe they can afford the dress and no one has to be asked to step down?
Post # 4
I think you were the author of your own misfortune.
Having two young daughters be bridesmaids at the same wedding would be an enormous financial challenge for anyone, much less a mom who is unemployed.
As you do only have the three bridesmaids, I suggest you consider allowing them to wear a dress and shoes of their choosing in your color palette, or you could pick up the tab for the bridesmaid dresses.
Post # 5
I definitely wouldn’t ask them to step down though. You wouldn’t be able to do that without having feelings hurt (and not just theirs… but other members of your family too).
I say find another dress. I find that price a little steap. My Maid/Matron of Honor and bridesmaids are in a good financial situation and the dresses I chose will be $170 w/out tax or alterations. And I wouldn’t consider choosing one that was more than that.
Maybe would could try different shops (not bridal shops) for dresses. You might be able to find some that are still beautiful but half that price… and it might end up being something the younger ones wouldn’t mind wearing again (they might even be more inclined to buy it if they can wear it again).
Also, I agree with @julies1949: with allowing them to buy their own dress in the same shade. I have seen lots of brides do this lately and it looks wonderful.
Post # 6
I know you probably love the dress you chose for the girls, but I agree with the other posters. That is a lot of money to ask 2 young girls to spend on a dress they’ll likely never wear again. My bridesmaids are all in their 30s and very well established in their careers, but I set a $150 limit on their dresses. Weddings are expensive, and as a 7 time Maid of Honor, I know too well how difficult it can be to fulfill all of the financial obligations. I still cringe when I think about the $250 dress I had to wear and spend $112 to get altered because it was a triple bodice with boning. That was a tough pill to swallow at 25 years old.
Post # 7
What’s more important? The dress or the girls? Personally I know who my maid of honor and bridesmaids would be… dressing them up comes second.
I would never ask for financial help towards my wedding or bridal shower from my young cousins.
Post # 8
It would be completely wrong and hurtful to ask them to step down. Pay for the dresses yourself, or let them wear something they already have. Why would you EVER choose such an expensive dress when two of your bridesmaids are teenagers and their mother is unemployed?
Post # 9
I agree with PP choose a new dress and keep your old BMs. As difficult as it is to find dresses for the girls, its even more difficult to have to ask one of the to step down. (Remember they are sisters and both of them are your cousins. How do you choose and how will that affect their relationship with you and with each other should you chose one over the other??)
Post # 10
I agree- new dress. Look for sales, check outlets, see if they have any dresses already that might fit your budget! I think you can’t expect a high school student and a college freshman to know the etiquette of being a bridesmaid or even that they’re supposed to be doing things like showers.