Sticky situation with FI's cousin… How would you respond? (Long)

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 3
918 posts
Busy bee

@futuremrste:  Sorry, just to check – are C and L the same person?  I got a little confused reading your post.

Post # 4
101 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@futuremrste:  I would just reply that you really appreciate the thought but that there isn’t anything you need. Short and simple. Either way, you’re going to decline and it’s going to feel slightly awkward. 

Post # 5
5763 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

If you decline, you’ll only increase the drama. No one likes to be told that their gift isn’t welcome. She might become much more drama than you imagine. You can say that the gesture is appreciated, and that you certainly don’t mean for her to go out of her way, but if she’s still considering a gift, (insert 2 r 3 smaller items from your registry here) would be most welcome.


Post # 7
127 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

She sounds a lot like my sister! I have nothing to do with her anymore, and I know where the family is coming from in their choices.

I would respectfully decline her offer to buy a gift for you. I know that if she wanted to buy you a gift with no strings attached, she would not ask you about it first. Stay along the lines of “I appreciate your offer for a wedding gift, but it is unnecessary. In lieu of a gift, SO and I would really appreciate your best wishes instead.” If you accept a gift from this woman, expect her to bring up in every conversation in the future or if she ever needs anything, it will be used to summon guilt trips! 

Post # 8
1361 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

“That’s so sweet of you! Thank you so much for the thought, but there isn’t really anything I can think of that we need. Hope you’re well, thanks again for thinking of us!”

Post # 9
3833 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Lovemelovemyhorses:  +1

Respond graciously but briefly, and leave it at that. If she honestly wants to get you a gift, she’ll think of something, and this keeps you from asking for anything specific, which could be twisted around to make you look rude.

Post # 10
2649 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@futuremrste:  Avoid the drama.


Write back that it was nice of her to write. Tell her that you are having a small wedding and simply couldn’t invite everyone you would have liked. Tell her their support and well wishes are all the gift you could ask for And wish her well.

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