Stifled/Burned out. Help! Introvert without social skills

posted 2 years ago in Married Life
Post # 2
Member
1957 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015 - Ruby Princess

Just my opinion, isolating is a sign of depression. Is that something you’ve considered? I tend to isolate when I’m in a depressed state. Thanks to meds, that doesn’t happen very often.

Post # 3
Member
481 posts
Helper bee

always-trying:  I’m really introverted, too. I don’t know how helpful this will be, but I’m sad no one has responded to you!

I definitely don’t hang out with friends as much as before my partner and I met (also, we moved across the country, which is the biggest reason). It’s mainly because I don’t have a huge desire for companionship, and my partner fulfills that need completely. It’s weird: I can’t be around people for too long without needing to be alone and “recharge my batteries”, but when it’s just me and my partner, I don’t need that alone time at all – I guess I’m just that relaxed around him? No clue. Anyway, sometimes I do get restless if it’s just the two of us hanging out in the house all day. It’s not necessarily that I need to see people, but more that I need a change of scenery. If it’s just us going for a walk or to a fast food place, that usually makes me feel better. I wonder if that’s part of what’s going on for you?

Post # 4
Member
671 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2015 - Family Farm

always-trying:  Ok. Listen, I know it sucks. Been there. Just moved 5 hours from everyone I have ever known, but you have to make the effort.

” I began seeing less and less of friends, not because I was creating distance from them, but because I started reaching out less, and they just gave me the space.”

You stopped reaching out by your own admission. Have you started reaching out again? Do you call to check up with them and their lives or do you just try to set up social situations? You have to make the concious decision to be proactive. Believe me I know it is hard.

What are YOU doing to help YOURSELF?

Post # 5
Member
6 posts
Newbee

I’m an introvert, too! The book “Quiet” by Susan Cain REALLY helped me understand what it means to be an introvert and a better understanding for how I can use my introvert skills to adapt to different environments/situations. You seem like a reader, so check it out =]

Here’s her TED talk if you’d like a little teaser: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c0KYU2j0TM4

Post # 11
Member
671 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2015 - Family Farm

 

always-trying:  You need to contact your friends and just ask them if they want to meet for a cocktail. Maybe brunch. I find that people are much more likely to commit to something that takes around an hour or so rather than a whole night out. Find something fun. Personally I am a sucker for a great happy hour.

You won’t be happy till you make an effort. Ask them! What going to happen if they say no? Nothing. You’ll be exactly where you are now.

Post # 13
Member
671 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2015 - Family Farm

 

always-trying:  Ok. I have some more tips. I moved to a town where I know 2 people and on top of that the FI and I live 45 mins form ANYWHERE!

First your friend that is going through a difficult time. Offer to come to her. Tell her you’ll grab a bottle of wine and a pizza and meet at her place. You paying for wine and pizza or chinese takeout will be less than going out any way. Or even better, make a home cooked meal and bring with you. i do this for a couple friends with kids who can’t get out often.

Also, check your local library. Weird, but they have so many events! Mine has an adult video game night, Adult Geek Club where they play board games and discuss books, knitting clubs, all sorts of fun stuff. They are usually free and most people who attend are also looking to meet others in their neighborhood.

I know you say you are introverted, but I don’t want you to know that I’m not telling you to stop eing who you are. When I was 17 I was diagnosed with schizoid personality disorder, which is WAY worse than being a happy introvert. I put myself out there. Just did it. Tried not to think. Next thing I knew I was talking to everyone. It was hard and it hurt and I hated it. But my life is so much better for it.

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