Post # 1
FI and I have been engaged for over 2 years and still don’t have a wedding date! We are both in our mid thirties and have been married before. He is Catholic and it’s important for him to be married in the Catholic church. Ok. So we both have to have our first marriages annuled by the church. We have known this for quite some time. Between the two of us we have 5 children (4 of whom live with us full time) so there always seems to be something “more important” to do than write the annulment. A few months ago I went shopping with a friend and bought a wedding dress! That seemed to push FI in the right direction…for awhile. I finished my paperwork and have been waiting for him to do his without pushing him. However, I feel like I’ve waited for him long enough! The priest won’t let us set a date until our annulments come through (or don’t and then need to have a plan B). I feel a little resentful and kind of like a fool because everywhere we go people ask us when’s the date.
Over a year ago I quit my job of 14 years and moved 90 miles with my 2 children to be with this man. I left all my family and friends. I’m having trouble making new friends in my new town because I work with only guys and at 30 something I’m too old to be going to the bar scene (especially with a FI who doesn’t drink). How do I get him to get his crap done without feeling like I’m nagging?
Post # 3
Maybe he is just comfortable with how things are now since you moved 90 miles to be with him and he doesnt see the need to do anything. You just need to have an honest talk with him about it
Post # 4
@bells – I’m afraid that is the case but I’m not ok with the way things are. It’s important to me that we get married and have a big wedding (my first wedding was very small and not what I wanted). We have talked about it and he says that he doesn’t like to dredge up old memories (which is necessary in writing the annulments). Sometimes I feel like the only one who has made any compromises in our relationship.
Post # 5
- Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA
You need to tell him that.
Just like you are understanding that getting married in the church is important to him, he needs to understand that getting married in a timely fashion is important to you. Just be honest with him and tell him how you’re feeling– that will be a better motivator than buying stuff for the wedding.
Post # 6
@Face: Have you spoken with him and been COMPLETELY honest like you have been here? Sometimes it takes me being brutally honest before my fiance realizes how hurtful his actions (or in your case lack there of) are. Dont sugarcoat it or he will never realize how much this is affecting you. I also like to give deadlines.