Post # 1
Hey, ladies ok I have a serious issue i think, fiance and I are getting married in three months, and let’s not add i’m three months pregnant. Now it has been fiance’s dream to become a police officer so he wants to take this 6 month to 7 month training coarse to become one, but he will not be able to work for the duration of the training. Now my issue is this since we are getting married in 3 months he wants us to stay at seperate homes after the wedding. is this ok or no i’m i being to dramatic with this?
Post # 2
Msmarie31: personally I would not get married until my partner and I were fully prepared to live on our own.
Post # 3
Msmarie31: Why do you have to live separately? I get that he won’t be working and so you may not be able to afford your own place, but why can’t he move into your parent’s place or vice versa?
My best friend got married and actually had to live apart from her new husband for the first three or so months of their marriage, because she was finishing up a grad school internship that was required for her degree and he got a great job offer about 1500 miles away. They did it and came out fine, but if they had any choice, they NEVER would have lived separately. This seems weird to me.
Post # 4
I wouldn’t be very happy with that, and would postpone the wedding if possible.
Post # 5
- Wedding: May 2014 - Smithfield Center
I wouldn’t stay at separate homes after the wedding. My FI and I are getting married this month, but when we get married we’ll be renting out a room from his mom for cheap so we can save for a deposit on our house. Living together with one or the other’s parents isn’t too bad but it all depends on you both as a couple, your situation, your parents, etc. It’s our best option to be able to have the house we want instead of being stuck in an apartment; however, it’s not for everyone. But I definitely would not get married to someone if we weren’t even going to live together.
Post # 6
That’s hard. I would find it extremely difficult to live with parents after marriage. Then again, I found it difficult to live with my mom as an adult even before I got married. But definitely harder after. Do you work? Do you have savings? Could you get a cheap apartment together and live off your salary until after his training? Could you both work to build up savings until you have enough to cover the time he’ll be in training? Push back the wedding? There are lots of options. I’m not sure which one will work best for you guys. For me, I’d probably get a cheap apartment and work until we had the savings to afford to send him to training.
Post # 7
My FI and I will be living in separate homes the first year of marriage because we are both in grad school and we live in two different states…but I will travel to be with him every weekend!
Normally, I’d say that sometimes you just do what you have to….but if I were pregnant you better believe he would be living with me and rubbing my back every night, haha.
Can he move into your parents’ home with you?
Post # 8
Msmarie31: So you’ll still be living apart when the child comes because your FI (then DH) will be at a training course? I guess it makes no difference since he’ll be away anyways. You would have the support of your parents as a new parent while he is away which is pretty nice.
I dunno. It’s not ideal but I am sure you can make it work. Some help wth the new baby would be welcome without a doubt.
Post # 9
I think it really matters what you are all comfortable with. Are you comfortable with being under your parents roof while pregnant and being a mother? Their rules still apply to you and I’ve hear horror stories of trying to live together. Are you comfortable with him not being in a stable position with a baby on the way?
Has he considered perhaps first starting out in security (or getting a PT security job) to start making money. His number one priority should be to support everyone, even if that means delaying the training until you are in a more stable position.
I would not be able to handle staying in separate homes – I would at least require we are able to live together as husband and wife, even if that meant sharing a home with parents or friends. I could not even imagine the added stress of having to either take care of the baby largely by myself while he gets the luxury of training for his dream job. Would he even be able to spend time with you and the baby?
This just seems like a train wreck waiting to happen because it seems like you’ll only end up resenting him for putting his career before his family.
Post # 10
I would not get married until we were prepared to be independent, either.
Post # 11
- Wedding: September 2014 - Turf Valley
I would not be okay with that at all.
Post # 12
Msmarie31: Although living with parents would not be my ideal situation after marriage, i would certainly do it IF we lived together there. Does he live further away? Is he away at training this whole time?
Post # 13
Do you work? Even when you’re out on maternity leave, you’ll get SOME disability.
Also, my daughter was born when my ex-husband was in the police adacemy. He took the longer route and went to the part-time academy so he could still work. It was 1 yr instead of the usual 6mos, but he was able to suppl our income. I was working as well.
If none of those are possible, I’d wait to get married. No way should married couples live apart due to finances.
Post # 14
I wouldn’t be okay with this, unless it was a situation similar to what a PP said, grad school or jobs in different locations or something. I get why it won’t work for you guys to get your own place, but why can’t you move in together in one family’s house?
Post # 15
If the logic behind living in different places seems right, then I don’t see the problem with this because of a wedding. If there’s no good reason or you could live together near his training, then sure question it further. However, a career is a good reason. It is a long haul, life necessity. Think of military wives, people in grad school, etc. We’re talking 6-7 months of some stress (would you really be bitter about that in the long run?) versus his potential to be resentful at missing this opportunity to provide for his family. Buck up and get through it. You can.
*My caveat to this response is that I think there’s something missing from your description. Like there’s something making you feel uneasy about this request other than just being apart.