still living with parents after the wedding

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
1158 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Msmarie31:  personally I would not get married until my partner and I were fully prepared to live on our own. 

Post # 3
2117 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

Msmarie31:  Why do you have to live separately? I get that he won’t be working and so you may not be able to afford your own place, but why can’t he move into your parent’s place or vice versa?

My best friend got married and actually had to live apart from her new husband for the first three or so months of their marriage, because she was finishing up a grad school internship that was required for her degree and he got a great job offer about 1500 miles away. They did it and came out fine, but if they had any choice, they NEVER would have lived separately. This seems weird to me.

Post # 4
4483 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

I wouldn’t be very happy with that, and would postpone the wedding if possible.

Post # 5
610 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - Smithfield Center

I wouldn’t stay at separate homes after the wedding. My FI and I are getting married this month, but when we get married we’ll be renting out a room from his mom for cheap so we can save for a deposit on our house. Living together with one or the other’s parents isn’t too bad but it all depends on you both as a couple, your situation, your parents, etc. It’s our best option to be able to have the house we want instead of being stuck in an apartment; however, it’s not for everyone. But I definitely would not get married to someone if we weren’t even going to live together.


Post # 6
9526 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

That’s hard. I would find it extremely difficult to live with parents after marriage. Then again, I found it difficult to live with my mom as an adult even before I got married. But definitely harder after. Do you work? Do you have savings? Could you get a cheap apartment together and live off your salary until after his training? Could you both work to build up savings until you have enough to cover the time he’ll be in training? Push back the wedding? There are lots of options. I’m not sure which one will work best for you guys. For me, I’d probably get a cheap apartment and work until we had the savings to afford to send him to training.

Post # 7
2264 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

My FI and I will be living in separate homes the first year of marriage because we are both in grad school and we live in two different states…but I will travel to be with him every weekend!

Normally, I’d say that sometimes you just do what you have to….but if I were pregnant you better believe he would be living with me and rubbing my back every night, haha.

Can he move into your parents’ home with you?

Post # 8
3735 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Msmarie31:  So you’ll still be living apart when the child comes because your FI (then DH) will be at a training course? I guess it makes no difference since he’ll be away anyways. You would have the support of your parents as a new parent while he is away which is pretty nice.

I dunno. It’s not ideal but I am sure you can make it work. Some help wth the new baby would be welcome without a doubt.

Post # 9
273 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I think it really matters what you are all comfortable with. Are you comfortable with being under your parents roof while pregnant and being a mother? Their rules still apply to you and I’ve hear horror stories of trying to live together. Are you comfortable with him not being in a stable position with a baby on the way?

Has he considered perhaps first starting out in security (or getting a PT security job) to start making money. His number one priority should be to support everyone, even if that means delaying the training until you are in a more stable position. 

I would not be able to handle staying in separate homes – I would at least require we are able to live together as husband and wife, even if that meant sharing a home with parents or friends. I could not even imagine the added stress of having to either take care of the baby largely by myself while he gets the luxury of training for his dream job. Would he even be able to spend time with you and the baby?

This just seems like a train wreck waiting to happen because it seems like you’ll only end up resenting him for putting his career before his family.

Post # 10
3230 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 1997

I would not get married until we were prepared to be independent, either. 

Post # 11
1362 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Turf Valley

I would not be okay with that at all.  

Post # 12
2114 posts
Buzzing bee

Msmarie31:  Although living with parents would not be my ideal situation after marriage, i would certainly do it IF we lived together there. Does he live further away? Is he away at training this whole time?

Post # 13
342 posts
Helper bee

Do you work? Even when you’re out on maternity leave, you’ll get SOME disability.

Also, my daughter was born when my ex-husband was in the police adacemy. He took the longer route and went to the part-time academy so he could still work. It was 1 yr instead of the usual 6mos, but he was able to suppl our income. I was working as well.

If none of those are possible, I’d wait to get married. No way should married couples live apart due to finances.


Post # 14
1581 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I wouldn’t be okay with this, unless it was a situation similar to what a PP said, grad school or jobs in different locations or something. I get why it won’t work for you guys to get your own place, but why can’t you move in together in one family’s house?

Post # 15
34 posts

If the logic behind living in different places seems right, then I don’t see the problem with this because of a wedding.  If there’s no good reason or you could live together near his training, then sure question it further.  However, a career is a good reason.  It is a long haul, life necessity.  Think of military wives, people in grad school, etc.  We’re talking 6-7 months of some stress (would you really be bitter about that in the long run?) versus his potential to be resentful at missing this opportunity to provide for his family.  Buck up and get through it.  You can.

*My caveat to this response is that I think there’s something missing from your description.  Like there’s something making you feel uneasy about this request other than just being apart.  




Leave a comment

Sent weekly. You may unsubscribe at any time.

Find Amazing Vendors