Post # 1
Okay so I’m getting married in 2 months and I’m still not 100% settled on the name thing. I’m leaning towards hyphenating… but not sure. I’m caucasian with a pretty “white” name, and my FI is Hispanic with the last name Gomez. I don’t love how his name sounds with my first name, so I’m thinking hyphenating sounds better. He would be very upset if I didn’t take his name in some way, but I think it’s my name and my choice. My mom never changed her name, so I don’t feel like it’s something I have to do. Plus, I’m a teacher, and I’m not sure what I would go by once it’s changed if I hyphenated. Anyone else still deciding with time running out?
Post # 3
@ninjachc: Have you considered dropping your given middle name and taking your maiden name as your new, legal middle name? This would allow you to take your FI’s last name while retaining much of your current identity. This is what I did, and I could not be happier with my new hame.
Post # 4
@ninjachc: I’m changing my name officially, but at school (I also teach) I am going to remain Ms. Acid.
Post # 5
@Brielle: I like my middle name far too much. I don’t want to lose any part of me! :/
@peachacid: I’m pretty sure I want to still be Mrs. Ninjachc instead of Mrs. Gomez, since that’s not really who I am, but I have no idea. I will at least finish out this year as my original name.
Post # 6
I’ve been married 3 weeks and I still don’t know what I’m doing!
You can make your middle and last name your two NEW middle names, while taking your H’s last name. Yes, you’d have four names, but you can retain all your birth names.
Post # 7
@sienna76: So I’d go by Mrs. New Lastname? BTW, thanks! I’m so glad I’m not alone!
Post # 8
Why don’t you talk to your FI about it? You said you’re guessing that he would be hurt, but maybe he has reasons you don’t know about.
Post # 9
Whatever you do…write it out a few times, type it out a few times, etc etc. My sister didn’t know what to do and it ended up something like as “First, First American, Catholic Middle Last Hubby’s”
so… Anacet Sylvia Maria Grace Jones Ryan
Post # 10
@AlwaysSunny: We have talked. He knows its ultimately my decision, but he thinks I should take it because I love him. My mom didnt tale my dad’s and they are unhappily married. He thinks not taking it would imply I dont love him… sort of.
Post # 11
@ninjachc: Your name, your decision. I think it’s wrong for anyone to pressure you or tell you what you should do. Could it be you know what you want to do but are afraid of hurting your fiance’s feelings?
Post # 12
No, I am not certain. I dont like the way things are and how we are accustomed to taking the man’s name, but I want my kids to have the same name as me, and I also want to keep the whole name I was given at birth. Two of those names were given by my mom and one by my father. I have grown used to all of them. No one is pressuring me, but me. People have given their opinions and I have listened. Now I just need to decide.
Post # 13
SO and I had this talk before, however he doesn’t want me to take his name, as both of us hate the tradition. Personally, I think it’s ridiculous that the female is expected to change her identity, but the male never has to worry. Whoever came up with that concept is nuts!
If I were you, I’d sit down with my FI and ask him the same question. If a name change would make my FI question if I love him, then I’d be questioning our relationship. Just my two cents, but I really feel strongly that if you aren’t 100% certain you want to do it, you shouldn’t. You can always change a name in the future if you ever decide to do it.
Post # 14
@ninjachc: I guess it depends on what your goal is. If you want to keep ALL of your names but still take his name, then your options are:
- Jane Marie Ninjachc Gomez = Mrs. Gomez (two middle names)
- Jane Marie Ninjachc-Gomez = Mrs. Ninjachc-Gomez
Alternatively, you could be Mrs. Gomez socially as in all your friends and family call you this and address cards to you as Mr. and Mrs. Gomez, and Ms. Ninjachc on all your documents (aka legally). I guess youd have to stick with Ms. Ninjachc for teaching though.
Techincally you don’t do anything paperwork wise with your name. You may choose to explain it to people or just go with the flow with them calling you Mrs. Gomez.
I know I’ll take his name, but I have not decided how yet:
- Jane Smith Marie Johnson (two middle names)
- Jane Smith Johnson (drop old middle) **
- Jane Marie Johnson (drop old lastname)
There is no deadline on when you have to decide really, legally speaking.
** Current idea for me. My mom is giving me crap about how long it took for her to come up with my unique middlename (that everyone mispronounces) and she’s taking it very personally that I may drop it all together. Simmah down, mama.
When I asked my H if he’d like me to take his name and why, he said, “it’s because I felt like I would be giving something to you.” My ex-husabnd said, “That’s what girls do and I own you now.” Ha! So I didn’t change my name the first time around but I let poeple call me Mrs. Histlastname socially.
Post # 15
We just filed for our wedding license last night and I was undecided on the name issue right down to the wire. I *thought* I would hypenate but each of our last names is 10 letters long. It would be such a pain to have to sign a 20 letter last name all the time.
In the end, it really came down to a VERY personal decision. My mother passed away when I was less than a year old and when my father married his 2nd wife, she adopted us. Sounds sweet doesnt it? In reality his 2nd wife was a NIGHTMARE. I’ll save everyone the drama and just disclose that both my brother and I were removed from our home due to child abuse. While my father finally grew a pair and divorced her, the damage was done and no matter how hard I try to distance myself from the woman, I can’t. When she adopted me, the State REMOVED my birth mothers name from my birth certificate and replaced it with my Stepmother’s. Now, for all eternity (unless I am successful at getting the adoption rescinded – a VERY long-shot) this woman is “officially and legally” my mother. There is no official record of who my mother is. Every document I file that requires my “parents” information REQUIRES I list my Stepmother instead of my birth mother.
So, to get back to the reason I am responding to your post, I decided to KEEP my name. For me, I feel like I would be abandoning every part of my past if I changed my name to my fiance’s. In essence, I would be “subsumed” by his family and I would be walking away from what little ties I still had to mine. I just couldnt do it, so I choose to keep my name, as is.
MAYBE when we have children I will decide to hypenate to make it easier for the kids.
If you are thinking of retaining your name for now, make certain to look into the local law for your State. It can be a bit more challenging to change your name later on (i.e. you may need a court order which will cost you attorneys fees and filing fees – approx. $400 here in California – PLUS you may have to publish an announcement in local newspapers for a set time).
Post # 16
@sienna76: I’m going on 1.5 months and I’m still undecided. 😉
Ours is a little complicated. My maiden name is an adopted name (my GF adopted my dad when he married my GM) but due to drama he’s not really a part of our family, so the actual name isn’t really weighted much. But, like a lot of girls (and posters) I think the procedure as totally antiquated. Then, I would be the only Mrs Nilly in the family line if I did change because all the ladies married or remarried. What’s that saying about twice as many blah blah blah? For me, it’s that I don’t want to support an antiquated practice but the name i hold isnt worth much either. Ive also thought about changing my name post-marriage to my GMs maiden name. And it soubds awesome with my first name. But then DH would be uber offended because i went so far beyond his last name, LOL!! Ugh. OP, I feel you, in a totally weird way. I think I am just waiting hntil the day that DH asks why I haven’t and then I’ll change my name to Fresia Bananasnack until he gives up.