(Closed) still need to tell future in-laws our date….nervous about it.

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
674 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I don’t really have any advice on how to broach this with them, but I just wanted to say I feel for you and hope everything works out.

Post # 4
Member
186 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Sheesh.  No offense to your situation, but the more I learn and read up on weddings and bride’s stories about their in laws, the more I’m convinced that this country needs better mental health care.  That woman is certified KRAAZZYY with a capital “K”! O.o;;    You have my sympathies.  I’m having some difficulty with my FMIL but nothing to this extent.

My only advice is to continue as your doing.  Plan what you need to and keep her out of the loop.  Also, I think it would help you emotionally if you could find someone (outside of wedding bee, though this site is wonderful) who you can talk to about the wedding.  You need someone you can be excited with.  It’ll help take your mind of the worry.  That’s what my MOH is for.  She helps me keep my head on straight when the stress and drama gets to be too much.

Post # 5
Member
1763 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I think you leaving them out will probably end up back firing on you. I would tell them you have set a date once you have your venues booked and not really talk about it much after that. I wouldn’t intentionally continue to lie to them though. It will just add more reason for them to dislike you and feel worse about you marrying their son.

Post # 6
Member
1641 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I think you need to handle this in a very adult manner (unlike the way the inlaws are).

You need to call and say “we would like to sit and talk with you”. And then you need to BOTH sit with them and tell them that you DO have a date, and that you did not want to tell them because of the way they are acting. Have a list of all of the “offenses”, and explain how it has hurt you both. DO NOT YELL, do not start a “fight”. Be adult and just tell them like it is. And tell them that you really hope that now that they know that they have been hurtful, that it will stop so that they can be at the wedding. If they “act up” during the conversation, I would simply explain again that their behavior is both hurtful and unacceptable, and it is a shame that they can;t be at the wedding, becuase you can’t trust them to behave like loving parents.

You need to address this- or you will spend your life with them constantly doing these things to you, and do you really want to bring children into a situation like this? My grandmother (Dad’s Mom) hated my mother, and made her life a miserable hell. Do not do that to yourself. They need to be either with you, or without you, literally.

Post # 7
Member
1641 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Also, dodging/ignoring a problem typically only makes it fester.

Post # 9
Member
1765 posts
Buzzing bee

@starry:

It can be hard, expecially if you think FMIL has a personality disorder.  I am glad they moved further away!  Yay!  I think it maybe best to be cautious, and tell them the details s-l-o-w-l-y over time.  The grandmother and your FH probably know what is best in this situation.  Once you get the major details down-reception site, caterer, then I think you (both) might let them know only as much as you need to.  🙂  Good Luck!  If they are not paying, they don’t get any say in things.  🙂 

The topic ‘still need to tell future in-laws our date….nervous about it.’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors