- 8 years ago
- Wedding: December 2010
I am new on this board btw…and so glad I found it! I was feeling kind of overwhelmed/stress by needing to plan my wedding and such (it’s only 6 months away and I’ve just begun planning…although we had the church reserved a long time ago)…and so glad I do not feel alone now! 🙂
so anyways, this post is about my fiance’s parents. They (especially my future MIL) are the meddlesome type…the extreme ones. They were not too happy when we got engaged, in February…they wanted him to wait until he was in his late 30s or something(he will be 26) (In the past, the mother had tried to cause us to break-up, etc…trying to scare him about kids a lot, send meddlesome emails, tried to get him to move away with them, even bought him a “gameover” shirt etc….even got the brother to constantly tell him to break-up with me..etc.) they are kinda against marriage in your 20s because they got married extremely young and had 4 kids, never finished their education and are in major financial debts…. But it’s not like that would happen to us, we are older(I am almost 30)…I have a career, we’re both educated, we’re only going to have 2 kids at the most…etc…
So anyways, they were so meddlesome that we weren’t going to mutually announce to our parents that we were engaged yet, but one week later he accidentally told his mother when he wokeup from a surgery. This caused her to get meddlesome again…..emails, scaring, etc. They never offered a congratulations nor acknowledged it, and pretended not to see the ring for the longest time(months)…..when we finally announced it to the whole family and his grandparents at once…….they still didn’t/haven’t offered congratulations. They both have taken a look at the ring though.I do think they have come to accept it…somewhat…(she still subtlely meddles) When we announced it at the dinner table, the grandparents were thrilled and supportive, but they basically said they could tell FI parents werent happy about it….I guess they could tell I was a little nervous about it, as well.
Well, we told the grandparents our “date” when the family wasn’t around. The grandmother gave us a tip to be a subtle and gentle about breaking it to them….even wait til things are more “cemented” (they even suggested not telling his parents until a few months before)
At the table, during our engagement announcement (which was 2.5 months after we got engaged)….his mother came down to my end of the table (next to grandma) and said, looking directly at me in the eyes, “It’s not like we have a date a set yet or even a church picked out yet, RIGHT?” This took me by so much surprise, I just said, “no”..when we really did have a church/date set. The grandmother chimed in and helped me lie, “Oh know not yet, you know it takes time to plan out these things…etc.” The next day, the future FIL also asked if we had a date set yet (also never gotten a congratulations or any sort of acknowledgment from him) and i just said, “no” again and his grandma chimed in again and helped me lie.
Even after we tell them the date, fiance and I are not planning on telling them the name of the church we are getting married at until they get the invitation…it’s going to be a secret. (we don’t want his mother trying to sabotage the wedding, etc.) They have still to meet my parents.
We still haven’t told them the date yet (it’s about 2 months post engagement dinner announcement..but we’ve been engaged since February)… We are both nervous about it. We just think it’s best to keep them out of the plans as much as possible, plus we have been waiting to “cement” things more. Truthfully, I hadn’t done any wedding planning yet…its summer(I am a teacher), so we basically put off trying to find a reception site and take care of the marriage prep classes etc until my summer vacation. I am going to try to get as much done as I can during my time off.
We do need to tell his parents soon (our date) because I want his little sister to be a bridesmaid…and we will need to get the dresses soon (December wedding) and the brothers will be the groomsmen. We also will need the addresses for their guest list, eventually. I kind of feel uncomfortable that they are always asking ME about the date and not my fiance, probably because they know he will just say “I don’t know.” We both were in mutual agreement not to tell his immediate family about the date yet, because we were trying to prevent meddling, etc…. I think. We aren’t asking them for “help”…only my parents are paying for part of my reception/wedding.
Anyways, how and when do you suggest we tell them about our date? I am so nervous about it.