- 5 years ago
So…my SO and I had a long, very good talk about the current state of our relationship, where we both wanted it to go, how we both felt about the way it currently stands, etc. We discussed both of our feelings about marriage (not just how we’re going to handle the act itself), where his hesitation in proposing is coming from, actual views on proposals and the like (public vs private, kneeling, big production vs improvised), the fact that I would really prefer a long-ish engagement (EG: getting engaged does not mean getting immediately married), and more. As a result, I’m feeling much better about things, he’s actually aware that I was upset (he was clueless; this doesn’t surprise me – I’m pretty closed off when it comes to my negative emotions, and not good at expressing things like anger, sadness, or anxiety/concern, even when I do experience them), and we’ve come to a resting place that I think we’re both comfortable with for now.
We also set a wedding date. It wasn’t planned, and it wasn’t an ultimatum, it just kind of…happened…in the course of the conversation. I mentioned a certain date (3/14/2015) that has some significance due to its correlation with π (3.1415 being the first digits in the π sequence), and that it would be nice to be married on a day with some numerical or mathematical significance. I then said, “Though 2015 might be too soon,” and he replied, “No, 2015 doesn’t seem too soon to me. I like that date. We can go with that.” So that’s going to be our wedding day. Even though we’re not engaged. (He then joked about “needing to propose by 2015” when I said that it was important to me that he not feel pressured to propose before he was ready to do so, and I mentioned that planning a wedding – even a small, very private one like the one we intend – takes time, and that we could always push the wedding date back if he wasn’t comfortable, but he seems pretty set on 3/14/2015.)
Now, I just have to figure out how to convince him that it’s okay for me to help pay for the rings… He was making noises about paying for his wedding band himself. I put my foot down on that one – if he’s buying my rings, I’m definitely buying his! But I’d really like to contribute to the purchase of my rings, too. Partially because it will make me feel better about the size of the purchase, and partially because it will mean that I can get white gold instead of sterling for the setting (I’m pretty sure he won’t understand why I would want the white gold, when they look basically the same, but the white gold costs twice as much). I actually usually prefer sterling, but I’m going to be wearing these a lot, and even though gold is softer, 14K white gold is more durable than sterling silver since the 14K gold alloy has a lower percentage of gold than the sterling alloy does of silver.