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Awww, I'm happy for you, and it sounds like your guy is definitely on the right track! Can you please get him to call my boyfriend and talk to him about this douche bag behavior, lol, because he is way too comfortable with how domesticated our relationship is. That old adage about "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?" is definitely an issue in his warped head!
Doesn't it feel nice to know exactly what your guy wants in the future regarding marriage and engagement?????? Lucky!!!!! This definitely makes your waiting game much more enjoyable than some of ours!
I'm glad that you two had a talk and are on the same page!
What awesome communication skills you have! I'm so excited for you, first for the whole engagement thing, but mostly becuase you can both talk about it so openly, and come to a decision together. Sounds like you have a fantastic relationship, and will have a very successful marriage. Congrats!
It does absolutely make the waiting a lot easier when there is an end in sight.
I told him that I was skeptical of the "why buy the cow..." scenario when I moved in with him, but never voiced it and then felt like I made a bad decision that I didn't know how to get out of. He told me that he wouldn't have asked me to move in unless it was a "step" towards something bigger.
I am not saying this is true for your BF (or anyone elses on this board) but he said, "if a guy doesn't know if he wants to marry you within 3 years, then he has no intention of doing so, he's a loser, or he's cheating." I don't believe this because I personally know a few couples that have gotten married after YEARS of being together. I do think that it should at least be talked about, which is why I brought up the convo last night. And trust me, I was a little scared to bring it up! I just didn't know his thoughts and that's a scary thing because you don't want to be open and vulnerable only to find out you're not on the same page. I reallllly hope you are able to conjure up the courage to at least ask, it makes you feel sooo much better! :)
@sand dollar: It wasn't easy, trust me! HaHa. I'd been putting it off/too scared to bring it up for a while now, but I just took a deep breath and hoped for the best.
He has much better communication skills that I do (that helps!) and he's also a lot more comfortable talking about that stuff because he's been married before and he's much older than me. He really made me feel comfortable last night though, and I now feel like I can talk about it with him.
I hear ya, girl! We have a child together, and he's told me that he already feels like we're married. His family also calls me his wife and stuff which irks me to no end. My thing is I want the traditional proposal, an actual engagement ring, and a small but real wedding. Even with him working 2 jobs we don't have a lot of extra money. He feels like we're still engaged, and for the most part I do, too, but still.....sometimes I want to wait for the actual proposal and ring so I can "announce" it to the world. I guess I'm just waiting for that aspect of it, but I know we're going to marry eventually. I feel bad always asking him if he's saved enough money for a ring yet. Thanks for your advice, and congrats again on your awesome conversation!
@AudzinLuv: Aww, hang in there! :) Remember, I'm not engaged yet so we're still in the same boat! It's just a waiting game, err. :(
I'm so glad y'all had a good talk and that weight was lifted off your shoulders. I say weight b/c that is how mine felt until we had a talk like that. I'm so glad your guy isn't comfortable either.
I had a guy I used to casually date tell me the same thing about the 3yrs. I think for older couples, it is true. But those are the couples I have seen.
I'm so glad you guys had that talk! From the sound of things, I think it's safe to say a proposal is coming. Doesn't that feel better? Ahhhhh..... :)
I agree with your guy about the 3 year thing. I think couples can end up waiting longer than that for other reasons, like school or finances, but if he's not sure about you after three years? That's a problem.
Again, I'm totally thrilled for you.
@MsMamaBear: that's axactly what it was, a weight. Not knowing causes so much stress. But now it's a new kind of "on edge" stress wondering when it's gonna happen! Haha, but I'd rather have that then the other stress.
How nice! For me too, once the talking started I let out a huge sigh of relief. I'm not able to make comments about weddings/marriage etc without worrying that I'm making him uncomfortable. :)
Congrats on the great talk!!!
And YES, I can't post from my iTouch even though it has an internet connection....so I've been quiet on the boards this weekend for technology reasons.
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Hi Bee's! I've been away for a while due to a broken computer, but I've been lurking religiously on my iPhone! P.S. For some reason I can't post on my iPhone, anyone else having this problem?
Well, a LOT has happened in 3 weeks, and SO and I have sat down and had a serious talk about where we are going in the coming years.
It all started with a comment he made while we were playing a conversation game a while back about how he saw us married in 5 years. Well, 5 years isn't exactly my time line as I would like to be married sooner than that (we've been together 2 years). So I tried to prod him for a more specific time line in which he replied, "I'm not telling, it will ruin the surprise!"
I brought up the 5 years comment last night and told him that I wanted to be married sooner than that. He said he SAW us married in 5 years, not that we were GETTING married in 5 years, that waiting 7 years to get married would be ridiculous, and that he wasn't necessarily waiting to finish school.
Basically the only thing he is on the wall about is money, which is understandable considering he needs to take out a pretty substantial loan for his masters program he's starting in a month. Other than that though, we talked about everything such as where/how big of a ceremony/who to invite/etc...
He said he is very comfortable talking about our future and absolutely sees us getting married within the next couple of years. I asked him what "a couple of years" meant and he said 2-3 years, and engaged sooner than that because, "it takes at least a year to plan a wedding."
So, I am soooo happy with our conversation last night and no longer feel in the dark about our relationship progression. I told him last night that sometimes, after moving in together, boyfriends don't feel it's necessary to get married because "everything is fine just the way it is" and they get comfortable. He replied with, "That is a douche bag move!! Unless it's mutually agreed upon, that is an extremely douche bag move to pull, to drag a girl along and not marry her! You can tell your girls on your forum that I said that too!!" hahaha it was funny. So I am relieved that he isn't "comfortable" with the way things are!. :)