Post # 1
….I know this is going to sound really silly but I am still a bit sad and upset about my unplanned and unromantic proposal. We had a wonderful wedding a few months ago and it was everything we wanted, I also love my husband very much – so those are the positives. We chose a beautiful ring together before Christmas 2011, and that Christmas we spent with my parents and family (not very common as they live overseas so I don’t see them much). I was excited thinking maybe it would be Christmas day…but nothing. I think my parents were expecting something too as we had been together 6.5 years. New Years Eve also came and went.
It wasn’t until ten days after we got home (i.e. away from my family – wouldn’t see them for another seven months) that he proposed and I kind of new it was coming as he told me (it was also his birthday). AFter his birthday meal we went home, got into pjs etc and he just picked the ring box off the dresser and said will you marry me etc.
So nothing romantic or specially planned. At first I was on a high because of the excitement but a bit embarrassing as everyone kept on saying ‘oh I’m dying to hear your engagement story’ and there wasn’t one!
Has anyone else felt like this? I know I should put it behind me and get on with happy married life but I still feel a bit hurt by it, especially that he didn’t take the chance to do it when I was with my family so we could all share the excitement 🙁
Post # 3
It would have been a LOT of pressure to do it in front of your family. He probably planned to do that originally and lost his nerve.
You ended up marrying the man you wanted, and hopefully having the wedding you wanted. On one hand I can understand your being upset about the proposal. But really, if this is the only bad thing going on in your life/relationship, you should count yourself lucky. Many, many women end up with proposals just like this and are now happily married. And on the other side of it, the romantic, grand proposal is no guarantee whatsoever of a wedding even happening, let alone of the marriage lasting.
Post # 4
And you are just going to drive yourself mad thinking about it all this time. You are already married – there is nothing that is ever going to change the way that he proposed, so there’s no use in fretting about it. I’m with Effie, I understand why you would be disappointed, and I probably would be too, but it’s water under the bridge by now. Just enjoy your marriage!
And as far as telling people “the story” – you don’t have to be embarassed about it or anything, you can just say it was a sweet, romantic, private proposal at home – special with just the two of you.
Post # 5
@hannabells: Is he a shy/introverted type? Personally I can’t think of many things worse than either proposing or being proposed to in front of my family. I’d be SOO embarrassed. It just seems like it’s such an intimate moment that should be between two people only. My idea of a perfect proposal is exactly what yours was. Seriously!
To me, it’s about the sentiment. Also, did you make it clear to him that you wanted a bells and whistles proposal? He can’t read your mind.
I am not really sure how to make you feel better other than to really consider his personality type. If he’s not the type to do things in public, then I think it’s unreasonable to expect that a proposal would be any different. The proposal doesn’t sound thoughtless… it just sounds low key.
I’d probably just try to put it out of your mind. I am having a bit of a tough time understanding why this is bugging you so much if everything else is fine… and especially since your wedding went so well. I’d just let it go. You’re bound to face much worse things in your time together.
Post # 6
@E_Lynne615: “just say it was a sweet, romantic, private proposal at home”
Post # 7
Oh for pete’s sake get over it. That was over a year ago. You are now married to the man you love, that is all that matters.
Post # 8
Sounds like you are focusing on the one negative in a sea of positives. You need to get over it.
Post # 10
For the record… the BIG Proposals that we all hear of / dream of… are statitically a minority… and for the most part they are what Hollywood movies and Tv Shows are made of NOT REAL LIFE
More often that not, women get low key Proposals that start as a quiet chat… sometimes in bed (imagine trying to tell that story without editing to friends & family)
Or, sometimes the Proposal is encased within a private inside joke… as mine was. Not ideal… but clearly so Mr TTR (and us)
After hearing your story, I think your proposal was sweet… and it sounds to me to be very much in line with the way you have used words here to describe your Hubby… as I get the feeling that he too is kind and sweet.
You should be happy with the Proposal, and focus on the Marriage / Life you have with him now.
There are Bees over on the WAITING BOARD who wish they were in your shoes… honestly you shouldn’t fret about something that is done and over with, and in the end achieved the ultimate goal any how… You two are together, in love, and married.
Post # 11
My husband also proposed in our spare bedroom. He thought it out a little and had purchased 4 dozen roses and came up with a ruse that sent me over there to find them and a sign that said “Will you marry me?” But that was it. And it was the second best moment of my life – right after the moment we said our vows.
I’m sorry your proposal didn’t meet your expectations, but the problem is your expectations. Especially if your husband wasn’t aware of them. At this point you’ve got to let it go. He asked, you said yes, you married the guy of your dreams. Happy ending!
Post # 12
- Wedding: May 2013 - Walt Disney World
Agree with PPs…you’re married to your love! I really think it’s time to move on…
Post # 13
@hannabells: Hey, at least you got a proposal. I didn’t get one. FI never asked me out properly when we started dating, we just had a conversation on our first date in which we concluded that we were dating. I always told him that he’d have to make up for it with an awesome proposal. We had a conversation about getting married and decided to go look at rings. We bought one together becuase we happened to be there on a sale day. Our stone got delayed in the Irene mess and the ring took 5 weeks to assemble. Our goal was to get engaged before we went home for the holidays so we could tell our families in person. By the time we were able to pick up the ring we only had a few days before we were going to go home and FI was working almost every night that week. The plan was he would pick up the ring with out me and propose, but a dual car (both his) breakdown threw that out the window. We ended up picking it up together and he just stuck it on my finger at the store.
It wasn’t a surprise, and after the frantic 2 mile slog through the snow and dealing with the tow truck for his car it definitely wasn’t a romantic day. But, in the end I’m engaged and I’m marrying my best friend in the whole world who makes me incredibly happy, and that’s what counts. We decided that the way it happened is very ‘us’ and we just try to avoid going into detail when asked about it.
Post # 14
@hannabells: Your proposal sounds similar to mine. I found my proposal to be sweet, intimate, and genuine. I wouldn’t change it for the world.
Now that I am married to the most wonderful man I know, who loves me more than I thought possible, I cannot imagine dwelling on how he asked me to marry him. I am too busy with life to give such non-issues a second thought.
You should get over it and focus on your husband and your marriage.
Post # 15
You really have to let this one go. I would be absolutely THRILLED if my man pulled out a ring and proposed to me in his pajamas as we are getting ready for bed (not sure we ‘d be getting much sleep after that though!). Then we can celebrate the moment alone together and be completely real with each other without having to take into account the reaction of others who would be present. Sounds perfect to me!
Your problem is that you had an expectation and, in your mind, it wasn’t met. That’s exactly why I try to never set expectations.
Post # 16
I think it’s time to move on… How sad for your hubby that you hold on to this resentment. The proposal is the one thing that he gets to be in charge of. If that is not how you wanted it to happen, you should have spoke up before hand. You can’t get mad at someone for doing something they had no idea would hurt you.