Still so upset and don't know what to do (BM and now I guess former best friend)

posted 2 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
1987 posts
Buzzing bee

Yikes, so according to your date, this was two years ago? You can’t really force someone to repair a relationship if they don’t want to. It frankly sounds like she behaved very poorly, but was this out of character for her? Was there something else going on that she would cut contact with your family and be so aggressive towards you? Sad to say, I think she does not want to resolve things as much as you do. As hard as it is, I would just tell her the line of communication is open in case she ever wants to talk and then I would move on as if the friendship was over. 

(Okay, pardon an ignorant American here, but I have ask–what is Oz? Is that another name for Australia? I picture it being like ‘The Wizard of…’ with munchkins and a yellow brick road. Or like tht prison series from HBO, lol). 

Post # 4
Member
39 posts
Newbee

It sounds like she’s self-centered! And who really needs a friend like that??!! If she has decided to cut you and your family off hey that’s  her lost not YOURS! Weddings can really bring out another side ain’t people and I was always told some ppl are only in your life for seasons..I’m pretty sure you’ve learned from her rather good or bad..just take that and wish her a blessed life

Post # 5
Member
2052 posts
Buzzing bee

I get that losing a long time friend is difficult, but don’t let time trump the fact that it sounds like maybe you’re better off. I mean, at a difficult time in your life she put herself first and made trouble for what sounds like months. And you’re supposed to take her side over your own mother? Come on. I’d say if it were a one time thing maybe try and make it work, but it sounds like it was on going. Cut ties now, don’t feed into her need by continuing to contact her and apologize for things you don’t need to apologize for.

I have lost two best friends in my lifetime, both of which were 10+ year friendships. It wasn’t until they were really gone until I realized how much nicer my life was without them. Sometimes I am sad when I think about past good times, but overall I’m better off. It’s nice to be drama free

Post # 6
Member
3016 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

You need to let this go. She doesn’t want to be part of the friendship anymore and you’ve tried more than once to reach out. She isn’t having it, so let it go.

Post # 7
Member
715 posts
Busy bee

Bunnyang:  Oh wow, that’s tough… but from what you write it sounds like you made plenty of efforts to reconcile, where she just blows you off 🙁 as sad as it is, it doesn’t sound like it is worth trying again… i would not want to be treated the way kate treats you… maybe in some years time, when you’re back in canada for xmas for example, try reaching out again… but at the moment it sounds like you’re only going to get hurt more 🙁

Post # 8
Member
5 posts
Newbee

Hey I’m also a Canadian also living in Oz (and going through a similar situation with a childhood friend so I can relate). Some friendships stay strong despite the distance and some just don’t, for whatever reason it may be. It’s tough and really hurts but you can only do so much. If she doesn’t want to meet you half-way, that’s on her. Focus on your other friends, and maybe she’ll realise what she’s missing and come around. If she doesn’t, then that’s her loss.

Post # 9
Member
2419 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I think you’ve reached the point where you have to let things go. Sad as that is. Right now, you are going around in ever less productive circles since Kate is clearly not prepared to meet you half-way and each time you correspond, you end up feeling worse about the situation. It’s quite obvious that even if you salvage the friendship this will be entirely on Kate’s terms and involve you apologising for something that you shouldn’t be sorry about. 

It’s horrible when friendships don’t stand the test of time but it happens and when it does, you need to ask yourself how healthy it is to try and keep a friendship going when it has clearly run its course. Friendship really shouldn’t be this hard!

Post # 11
Member
1987 posts
Buzzing bee

Bunnyang:  Aww–cool! Now I know what Oz is. 

Anyway, you sound like a really sweet person and an awesome friend, and I hope that if you do reconnect she treats you like you deserve to be treated. 

Post # 12
Member
2052 posts
Buzzing bee

Bunnyang:  It definitely gets easier with time. Sometimes when I come across a picture or something that makes me sad when I think about the good times, but then I remember the reasons we aren’t friends now and how much better my life has been without the negativity in it.

The longer you go without talking with her I think you’ll see the other potential problems you had with your friendship that you maybe didn’t realize til you were away from it.

Post # 13
Member
1801 posts
Buzzing bee

Im sorry that she acted so nasty towards you. Why would she think she has a say in the wedding planning? I don’t understand where she came from. Lol

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