Post # 1
the wedding is very very soon (my date on here is wrong)
and i still can’t stand by SIL. She legit doesn’t care about anyone but herself and dominates conversations talking about who said she lost weight, and who said she looked great. She never once asks FI or me or her parents for the matter about their lives.
FI has told me this is who she is, this is who she has always been, and he’s accepted they won’t be very close. Still, as i’m prepping to get married to him-i’m getting freaked out. I can’t stand the girl (I don’t have time to fill up the many reasons why-and yes she has done something to me).
FI parents are awesome. but they hold a lot of family dinners and she’s htere. I don’t want to not come, but i don’t know if i can do it. I get a lot of feelings stirred up in me. FI sister wanted to drop out as my bridesmaid because i let the other BM vote for their dress, and didn’t choose the one she liked. That was really painful for me. For some it might seem silly, but i consider myself a really nice person and i was so shocked and hurt by that earlier on.
This is just a rant. i don’t know what to do. i don’t want to see that girl. i dont want her to say a speech at the wedding, i don’t want her in my life!
Post # 3
@doubtingdebbieah: You probably won’t ever like her. I still don’t like mine. I doubt I will ever feel anything but utter embarrassment and distaste for her tacky and rude behaviors. But, you will likely always have to tolerate her. There’s no good advice. Don’t bother trying to see the good in her. This is what works for me:
If she’s having a “good” day, enjoy it. Be friendly, but don’t expect this consistently.
If she’s having a particularly “bad” day, stay the hell away from her. Don’t speak directly to her, just enjoy your DH and other family.
Post # 4
@QueenOfSerendip: i dont know if i can do it! i dont know if i can put myself every two weeks in situations where i know she’ll be there. i’m hurt, i’m mad, i’m angry i don’t want to see her! ughhhhh hah sorry for sounding like a baby. I guess i had other expectations of a sister relationship, and i know i have to get used to it, but it’s hard for me.
Post # 5
There really is no advice other than, “It will get better with time.” If they’re holding dinners every week, you can probably skip up to half of them – make an excuse about obligations with your family, illness, work, etc. I usually do that with mine. The other half of the time, when I see my in-laws, I’m just kind and polite.
You’ll never be able to get away from your sister-in-law, never be able to change her. I never had a sister, so it was exciting when my brother got married…and exciting when my husband’s sister married. In reality, I ended up with two sister-in-laws with whom I have nothing in common. One is a frail, lazy girly-girl who is abrasive, and the other is an abrasive, dim-witted know-it-all (You’d think that’s an oxymoron…you’d be surprised how intelligent dumb people think they can be). It’s the luck of the draw. I’m sure to varying degrees they don’t like me either.
I do think it will get better for you as time goes on. How long have you both been dating?
Post # 6
- Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas
Why did you even make her a bridesmaid? And who cares if she drops out? In the scheme of things, she won’t need to have a big impact on your life. When you see her at dinners and family events just avoid her.
Post # 7
You don’t have to be best friends. I’d just be polite to her face and brush off any rude comments she makes. You can’t change the way she is and it’s not worth alienating the rest of his family.
Post # 8
My brother is getting married soon, and he is my only sibling. I was excited to finally have a sister-like figure in my life. However, as I got to know her, she turned out to be a nightmare. I wish things were different, but unfortunately, that is life. It’s put some distance into my relationship with my brother, and we were very close.
Post # 9
I tolerate my SIL. Granted, I only see her twice a year at best whereas you have to sit through meals with yours, and I would probably feel the exact same way as you if I had to see her every day, but you need to remember that she IS family. She is your FI’s sister, and even if he isn’t close to her, she is still family and has a right to be there. You will only be hurting yourself by distancing yourself from his family. I know it is hard, but it can get better over time.
Post # 10
@doubtingdebbieah: I pretty much despise my FIL. As long as it’s just one family member, (and not the ENTIRE family who treats you like crap), I think you’ll be fine to marry into it!
Post # 11
Speaking from my own experience, your best bet is to lower your expectations and just accept that this is the way she is and you will never have that fairy-tale relationship. It’s not your problem–it’s hers. If you love the rest of the family, take comfort that she’s just one person. She may mellow out eventually. She sounds a lot like my SIL… who doesn’t live nearby, so I see her maybe 2x a year. I used to let her behavior tear me up inside and I’d take it personally, but I just let it go now and look at it from an angle where “welp, it’s NAME just being NAME again” and i can almost laugh at it. In my head of course. It’s not ideal, but I love the rest of the family.
Post # 12
Meh, I do not and will not ever like my FSIL, either (FI’s brother’s wife). Thankfully, they live in another state so I rarely have to deal with her crazy.
Post # 13
It’s also probably really immature, but I text my best friend the crazy crap my SIL does and we laugh at the ridiculousness together. it helps me gain perspective and realize I’m not the one being crazy. Her parents and family also know that this is just her way… I sit through the dinners and the functions because I know I’ll get time with my in-laws without her and that time is special. Not sure if that would relate to you, but maybe carve out some time without her?
If she is being hateful to you, that’s something I’d recommend taking up with your FI. He needs to stand up to her for you. My other (married in)SIL stands up for herself to the problem one, but they grew up together and she can take care of herself. My husband stood up for me and so did his parents, enough times, and she leaves me alone for the most part now. But it’s been years of this going on.
Re: your wedding… sucks that she’s a bridesmaid. Just be nice… your friends will be around you and she’ll just make herself look like a biotch if she’s self centered. Being gracious and rising above drama will go a long way in making you look the better person. And she might surprise you by behaving.
Post # 14
@doubtingdebbieah: If it helps you have a fellow bee with the same issue. My FSIL actually had the audacity to schedule her own family portrait session on THE wedding day! Of all the Saturday’s??? REALLLY?? This is awful but at this point I’m like “You know what? Do it. Maybe it will make you miss the entire ceremony so I don’t have to put up with your crap.” Even despite the fact that she’s a BM and will mess up the order and everything. I don’t care. I just don’t even want her around. I don’t think she wants to be a BM, I don’t think she ever has-but FH wants her in the wedding because “she’s his sister, no matter how ridiculous she acts.” It’s cool though, it’s not like we only get to do this once and it costs a lot of money and she could very well ruin the entire day with her rude and childish antics. NBD. URGGGHHH!!!
Post # 15
I can’t stand my SIL (BIL’s wife) at all. They live locally and my DH wants to see BIL’s kids from his first marriage as much as he can. Unfortunately SIL is the horrid step mom to these kids and I cannot stand to watch it. Everyone else smiles and nods at her bc BILs first wife withheld the kids from the whole family, and they think that if they are nicer, this wife won’t do that. (PS she totally will until she needs something from them) I don’t get why they don’t see it’s BIL CHOOSING AND TOLERATING WOMEN WHO HATE HIS FAMILY, but whatever.
It kills me to watch her treat people I love like this, one day she is going to push too far and I’m going to lose it. who knows, maybe this weekend!
Post # 16
@doubtingdebbieah: she sounds exactly like my FSIL, and I really dont like her. We kicked her out of the bridal party (long story) but my FI has always disliked her and warned me from the get go of what and who she was.
she rarely turns up for family dinners, andd when she does shes so antisocial… with me. Shell have a good old chat wiht my bestie (who is FI’s Brother’s fiance), but thats cos shes young and will put up with her BS. I just put my polite and kind face on around family, but i have no intention of being friends with her anytime soon and I’m more than ok with that.