- 5 years ago
I’m a long time lurker but first time poster. I guess I just needed to rant to people who might be able to relate to my situation.
My boyfriend and I have been together for 4.5 years and living together for about 8 months. He’s 30 and I’m 22. He has a great job and owns the house we live in, I also have a stable job/income. We talk about getting married all the time and there is no doubt in my mind that he wants to.
I keep seeing people I went to high school with getting engaged and married to their boyfriends of less than a year. Almost all of my partner’s friends are engaged/married and many have kids. He LOVES their kids, he really wants their lives, and yet here we are…
He keeps saying things like “if we got pregnant now I think I’d be happy” knowing full well I won’t have kids until I’m married (not a religious thing, it’s more that I want to enjoy married life for 5 or 6 years before having kids).
He mentioned once he’s worried about affording an engagement ring. I made it clear that I don’t want a diamond (I’m against them for ethical reasons) and that I’d be perfectly happy with anything he got me. He knows this. And even so, I could afford to buy myself an engagement ring and he earns three times what I do. I don’t wear jewellery so the engagement ring is a non-priority to me.
I guess I’m just getting annoyed. I see these people who have been with their boyfriends for a mere fraction of the time my partner and I have been together getting engaged/married and the jealousy monster inside me keeps screaming “it’s not your turn!” I know I shouldn’t compare myself to other people/couples but it’s so hard sometimes.
I talk about marriage to him once a week or so, not in a pushy or naggy way, I just mention an idea, or something I’d like to do for our wedding or honeymoon and he always gets excited to hear the ideas. Argh it’s just so frustrating. I don’t know how to deal with my feelings of jealousy and anxiousness. I love him so much and I just want to move on to the next stage of our life together. I want to have kids when I’m about 27/28 but I also really, really want to enjoy at least 5 years of married life before then.
Thanks for listening/reading.