Still waiting and beyond frustrated

posted 2 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
1498 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

SammieJ:  Don’t get your hopes up about him proposing tonight.  It’s not likely that he will.  If he knows how important this is to you and has still continuously let you down, then you need to decide if it’s worth sticking around for.

I was with DH for 6 years when I began to get antsy.  We had talked about marriage plenty but it seemed like he was dragging his feet.  When a big vacation came and went without a proposal, I started to get really upset.  I had a meltdown one night and he asked me to be patient.  He had his own reasons for waiting, which made sense but didn’t make me feel any better.

Have you made clear to him that you’re not going to wait forever or make any plans (buying a house, etc) without a proprosal?  Your case is tricky because you have children that you don’t want to jerk around, but its also not fair to them to have a mom that is unhappy in her relationship.

Post # 3
7531 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

SammieJ:  I think you need to ask him what he’s waiting for. Tell him, you feel like he is just stringing you along and let him know- I just want to move our lives forward. I want to buy a home. I’m worried if something happens the other won’t be able to make medical decisions or visit the hospital. I want to start planning our retirement together. Remind him that you won’t wait forever-unless you are okay with not getting married. Good luck.  Keep us posted. <br /><br /><br />

Post # 4
54 posts
Worker bee

SammieJ: first of all – HUGS. I know where you’re coming from.

Men can be just so clueless sometimes. From what you said though, despite his lack of follow-through, it sounds like he is actually on board with where this relationship is going, which is promising. I wouldn’t get your hopes up for tonight, but I wouldn’t count yourself out just yet either, or start making ultimatums.


My story has a lot of similarities to yours, and we’ve had quite a few tear-filled (me) conversations over the last 10 months about where things were going and why he was dragging his heels and how much this hurt me that I kept getting put on the back burner. He was happy and didn’t want things to change, but he had no excuses, and once he realized what I did and didn’t expect (no pressure for surprises, or a big fancy proposal or wedding), he stepped up. 

You mentioned only “time getting away from him” as a reason it hasn’t happened yet. Is there more to it that either you’re not saying or don’t know? You don’t have to answer that – it’s just to think about. Maybe it’s time for a conversation with him about the details you think are minor and he may be thinking are major, which are holding him back? 

Post # 5
47 posts

well you and i appear to be on the same timeline almost to the day. if you scroll down on main ae my post is titled ‘timeline passing…again’ or something like that. the advice on there was v helpful and may help you. my d-day is tomorrow. i wish you look but sounds like your fella (like mine) needs a ‘sh*t or get ofrf the pot’ moment.

Post # 6
1314 posts
Bumble bee

SammieJ:  What’s it going to take for you to realize he’s not gonna marry you?  I think if marriage is your end-game you are going to have to break up with him and find someone who is equally intent on marriage.

Post # 7
2114 posts
Buzzing bee

SammieJ:  Would you propose to him?

Just throwing it out there. I know I am more traditional and probably wouldn’t (then again, with timelines passing me by, i may consider it) but it is something to think about. 

I agree with other PP about finding the real reason he is dragging his feet. I dont think ADD is it. It sounds like he is a great partner and father figure and i don’t doubt his commitment to you and your kids, but is it money? is he scared things will change? It has got to be something and until that is addressed you will not moce forward. 

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