- 3 years ago
- Wedding: December 1969
Hi all! I’m new here. I found this site when I was googling “what if he never proposes” last night. I’ll just jump right in…it’s gonna be a long one! Sorry!
I’ve been married before and have 3 kids. Ex is very involved and we share custody. Met my SO just under 5 years ago (4 years post-divorce for me…he’s never been married). Less than a year in we were already talking about getting married. We just both knew it was right. But, he said he thought 3 years was a good amount of time to date before getting engaged. I didn’t love the idea but I knew he wasn’t being unreasonable and didn’t really want to jump into another marriage anyhow. Around the 2 year mark he asked if I’d like to go look at rings. We picked one out at a lovely little family owned store in town. Well, the 3 year anniversary came and went. Nothing happened. So, shortly after I asked him and he said he didn’t recall saying it would happen at 3 years (I guess technically, he didn’t say exactly that). But he said that he wouldn’t make me wait another year. We go back to the jewlery store and the ring I loved is no longer being made so I pick out another one. The year passes and everything is still going well. Then our 4 year anniversary comes. He did say that he wouldn’t make me wait another year. However, nothing happens. When it’s apparent that I was clearly expecting something to happen he says, “Well, do you wanna get married?” I literally laughed and said, “I love you so much, but try again!” He laughed too because of the absurdity of what he’d done. I honestly thought he was joking and actually had a ring and was planning to really propose. He wasn’t. When he realized how upset I was he got quiet. He asked if we were going to be ok. I told him it’d be best if he didn’t stay the night (we live together but he still owns his mom’s old house in another town about 20 minutes away. He rarely stays there, pretty much only if he’s dogsitting for her). He asked if he could call me later and I told him it was unlikely that I’d answer the phone. I cried for hours. He did call several times but I didn’t want to talk to him. The next day my sons had a football game to play. BTW, the boys love him so much and he’s only missed one or two of their games and only then because of work. Anyhow, he called in the morning, but again I didn’t want to talk. He texted and asked for the location of the game (it was an away game) and I told him. No sense punishing the boys by not allowing my SO to attend. We barley talked. Mostly I avoided him. Later in the day, when I was ready and less upset, we talked about it. He said that he was beyond sorry. He didn’t realized how important it was to me. He begged me to give him 6 months. He told me to go ahead and start looking at venues and making plans. So I did. 6 months came and went. Nothing. When I asked him about it he said that the time had just gotten away from him (he does have some pretty severe ADD issues…but so do I and I still manage not to hurt the people I love). So that was in April. I told him flat out that stringing me along was not ok and he’d really hurt me. BTW all of this time we’re still making plans, talking about buying a house, where would be a good place to get married, how big or small will it be, etc. In May we discussed it again. We agreed we wanted a fall wedding (we met in October) and in order to have a fall wedding in 2015 that “something” needed to happen by the end of September. Today is the 30th. A few days ago I brought up that he was closing in on his self-imposed date and he just laughed it off (the same way he did the other 2 times he made a deadline for himself). One thing he did tell me a while back was that getting my dad’s blessing was important to him (I’m not a fan of that. I’m not property. I’m a grown woman, 33yo with kids. I’d prefer he ask them). It was important to him though so I said that was fine. Again, today is the 30th and as yet he hasn’t asked my dad. My parents live 2 hours away and he doesn’t have my dad’s contact info. I’m certain there are no plans tonight because I have rehearsal (I do community theatre) and he has practice (he’s in a band). Not to make this even longer, but I’m not looking for a big wedding. I don’t care if we just elope and bring a couple of friends (even though that’s what I did with my first marriage). I just want to move our lives forward. I want to buy a home. I’m worried if something happens the other won’t be able to make medical decisions or visit the hospital. I want to start planning our retirement together. Even now I live in a town 25 minutes away from where my children go to school because it’s more convenient for him for work. Why should I continue driving a total of nearly 2 hours every day to get my kids to and from school if he won’t commit? Ugh…I could go on but I’m closing in on 1,000 words so I won’t conitune to torture anyone who has hung in this far LOL. I guess I just needed to vent and to get some advice. If he doesn’t propose tonight…then what?
- This topic was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by SammieJ.