Post # 1
So you can look at my other post and get background information. Sorry in advance for my rant.
It didn’t happen near Thanksgiving and it doesn’t look like he’s in any hurry now…the only problem is that we’ve talked about it and he’s now kinda thinking “oh crap…I didn’t think about that.”
Months ago (even a year ago) I told him about the timeline for an engagement and the planning of any kind of wedding (especially when we have to pay for it ourselves) so the fact that he didn’t listen to what I said really hurts.
I told him now that he’s waited too long (I was planning on having the whole month of Dec to plan and celebrate since I’m out of school) I will say no if he asks me in Jan-May because I’ll be taking 19 credits, commuting to school 2 hours one way, and will be graduating in June and will not be in any happy mood to be proposed to while undergoing stress of school, when he knew darn well that Decemeber was the month to be excited and get the basic planning down.
THE KICKER: He says “we’ll figure it out” (Correction: I’ll be the one figuring it out becuase all the pressure will fall on me…not him.) I told him that because he waited we will have to wait until July 10,2014 to get married and he says thats way too long. A year ago I told him I refuse to get married any other time than summer since I’ll be teaching my first year. And he thinks that we can still get married this summer…HELL NO, were not even ENGAGED. HE HASN’T EVEN BEGUN THE RING PROCESS!!!!! My family is already throwing my aunts glamourous $40,000 wedding for July 28, 2013 and they wont pitch in money for mine so we needed to begin planning months ago or at the very least this last month.
Sorry for the vent but I dont have anyone else to talk to and I’ve hit a wall. Please lend me your advice. I feel like I can’t win. I’m sad every single day and I feel like I’m starting to resent him. I sat through his sisters ~ 1.5 year engagement and her $30,000 wedding and I wanted to have a small form of her engagement and experience but thats not gonna happen. I dont have the best family and my dad has never been in my life so I have to walk myself down the aisle. I feel like I’ve already had every other bridal experience taken from me..why cant I just have this?!
Post # 3
@Taylorhea: ugh! That sucks! I don’t really have any advice but you are very smart not to try getting married your first year of teaching. One way to get married this summer would be to go the destination route unless that’s off the table for you. Just wanted to throw thathough there.
Post # 4
You’re still in school, your boyfriend lives at home, and both of you are young so it’s not like you need to rush because of babies. Why the rush to get engaged? Why not wait until you’ve both saved up a nice chunk of change and you have had a chance to get your teaching career off the ground?
Post # 5
I think he’s made his bed, he can lie in it. Weddings take time to plan, and if he wanted a wedding in 2013, he needs to realize he needs to accept the consequences and wait another year, rather than putting you in the position to have to scramble to get everything done. It isn’t your fault he waited too long, so you shouldn’t have to accept the punishment of extra stress trying to plan this in half the time everyone else gets. He can’t have his cake and eat it too.
Post # 6
@EffieTrinket: THANK YOU!!!!!!! OH MY GOSH!!! someone who actually can read my mind. I’ve said this so many times and he has the money to at least propose and get us to that next step but I told him that this summer I’m getting a roomate for a year and he will not be living with me…He’s very upset about that because that will mean dating for over 5 years without living together. I just want to scream. I’ve given him every piece of information and there is no excuse as to why we’re not to that next step of the relationship.
I just found out tonight that after 3.5 years…I wasn’t even mentioned in the family christmas card becuase we’re not even engaged yet…that hurt me very badly. I cant even talk to him without wanting to gouge his eyes out. I’m so frustrated.
Post # 7
@Taylorhea: Not to rain on the parade, but maybe take a step back and breathe. As far as waiting way too long, I think it’s all relative. 3.5 years is a decent amount of time, but it appears that you two are still quite young given your in school and he lives at home.
We waited 9 years to get engaged because 1) we were young and needed to grow together 2) we wanted to be financially stable and have careers, and 3) we needed to save money to pay for the rings and wedding ourselves. It sounds like you may be in a similar situation regarding the finances, stability and affording the wedding.
Also, bare in mind that men take A LOT longer to feel ready for marriage. Do not pressure or rush him, he WILL get frustrated or resentful. Many studies have found that men are typically ready for marriage around 28-30. I am not saying that some men do not commit sooner (my FI did at 27), but he honestly wasn’t thinking about it until about a year ago at 26.
Give him a little space and time to do it on his own schedule. I know waiting can be hard, but it really is best to make sure you are both on the same page.
Post # 8
@Taylorhea: Im sorry to hear that your so upset. But honestly try to relax. I’m not sure how old you two are but I know how you feel. I was with my bf for over 5 years before he proposed and living together for almost 3. The best advice I can give is try not to think about it, and when it happens you’ll be so happy. I am currently in an intense internship program to become a dietitian and the night before my bf proposed (just last week) I had spent the whole night working on school projects and presentations and was in no way expecting it, I was also exhausted but once it happens none of that matters you’ll still be excited! I hope that helped 🙂
Post # 9
@bmo88: he’s the one who wants to badly too. He wants to have kids by 25-26. He wants to get married in August 2013. but he waited too long and now he’s not happy about having to wait another year and a half
Post # 10
@Taylorhea: sometims it seems men are so dense. I am sorry e didnt listen but at least he loves you and wants to commit. youre ahead of a lot of women here
Post # 11
@Taylorhea: Well, I just got engaged about 2 months ago and we are getting married in August 2013. So you could still pull of a 2013 wedding if you started moving soon. Our bestman just set his date for July 2013 and just started planning. They are both in school and trying to figure out a way to pay/plan.
Honestly, depending on what you two want, you do not need a long, long time to plan. I have literally paid for and planned 95% of our wedding in the past 2 1/2 months. We are spending around $7k (so not huge, but decent) and inviting 80 guests. I work at a charter school as a marketing director and my busiest time (as in 65-70 hours per week) is between February and August. So I did front load some stuff, but it can be done.
Just my thoughts, good luck!
Post # 12
- Wedding: July 2012 - Catholic Church
@Taylorhea: I don’t understand why you can’t say yes now? You can decide to have the wedding whenever the two of you agree upon, but if you say yes now you can start booking venues/vendors and get recognition in the family (re. the Christmas card). I said yes in September of a school year then we got married in the July 22 months later. We did the majority of planning and all of the booking in the last 9 months though, so ,as others have said, an August wedding. The biggest/most stressful part of the planning was in the last few months and if you have an August wedding that means the stressful part of planning won’t interfere with school. Spring break would be a great time to hit up bridal shops with the girls and pick dresses too.
Post # 13
@ScottishMrs: he doesnt want me to have to share the spotlight with my aunt who is getting married july 28 2013
Post # 14
Do you want a wedding or a marriage? If you want a wedding say no if he asks you at a time you think won’t work. If you want a marriage with this man, say yes when he asks you and go with the flow. Maybe have a more intimate wedding or let others help you with the planning. Don’t get so caught up in the wedding that you forget about the marriage.
Post # 15
@Taylorhea: So have the wedding in June, August, September, October, November or December! There are lots of months during the year and your aunt only gets one day, not an entire week, month or year.
The whole sharing the spotlight or stealing thunder (as I have said before) is very middle-schoolish. There is enough excitement, love and joy to go around for everyone.
Post # 16
If he proposed tomorrow – why not say yes? You can still set a date for next summer, or summer 2014.
I agree with many people here – your aunt only gets a week. Second, does it hurt to be engaged. Is it so “stressful” to say Yes if he proposes in February while you are in school? You already seem to know that you want to marry him, so it doesn’t seem like you would be unsure about the relationship.
Plus – if you are paying for the wedding yourself, you need time to save. I’ve been engaged for 2 years, and yes, ideally would have like ot be engaged & married a year or two earlier – but being engaged for two years has allowed me and my FH to save money for a wedding, honeymoon and our first house.
That’s what’s important.