Still waiting for a proposal

posted 3 years ago in Proposals
Post # 3
Member
576 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@azgirl08:  I would ask for a timeline. State your preference; there’s no harm in simply letting him know when you would like to be engaged by. 

What he’s doing to you is not right – he’s basically stringing you along and taking his sweet old time about it. Shet or get off the pot, I say (sorry for the crudeness, but I have no patience for guys who do this).

Post # 4
Member
1343 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

I feel fairly similar to you in a lot of ways.  I have been with my SO about the same amount of time as you have been with yours.  My SO also was EXACTLY like yours at the beginning of the relationship.  He’d say that he found his dream woman and knew we’d be married and he talked about it ALL THE TIME.  Then, after about six months or so, it kind of cooled off.  He got very hot and cold about the idea of getting married.  And he will also do and say things from time to time that make me feel as though he might propose soon.  And then everything completely changes.  It is literally an emotional roller coaster and I 100% completely understand how you feel.  It’s very frustrating and heartbreaking at times.

I agree with the above poster….you need to have a discussion with him.  I don’t want to do it myself, but I need to have a discussion with my SO too.  We need to let them know that we want to get engaged and when we want to get engaged by.  In my case, I moved in with my SO and I kind of regret it.  He claimed that living together was the final ‘test’ to see if we would be compatible for marriage, but I am starting to look at it as another stall technique.  He’s just not ready and it sucks.  So, sometime after the new year, I will be having a convo with him to see if we are still on the same page about getting married and to see if I can somehow get a timeline out of him.  I’d suggest sitting your SO down and doing the same.  I think it’s important that both partners have a clue how the other is feeling.

Post # 5
Member
425 posts
Helper bee

I would feel frustrated in your situation, and possibly strung along. That is not a good feeling to have. It would hurt your relationship, so you should definitely bring it up with him and share your thoughts. I hope the two of you come to an agreement on a timeline. 

Post # 8
Member
176 posts
Blushing bee

@azgirl08:  I feel for you. I’m in a little bit of the same situation, where marriage/proposals will be brought up, then shot down, then brought up… It’s a terrible emotional rollercoaster and I completely understand. It feels like our future is in their hands and their decision, and that sucks – to the point where, in my mind, I’ve even thought, hell, why get married anyway! Perhaps I’ll withhold it from HIM and see how he feels when he really wants it :p

Because I know full well that he wants kids in the next couple of years and he understands I won’t have kids before marriage. Men are just terrible with timelines and don’t understand that engagements and weddings take time. And then sometimes you’d like to be married for at least a little while before kids come along. They don’t get any sense of urgency… 

I think a good conversation with him along the lines of ‘I really love you and this is what I want out of life. I’m going a little crazy with the ups and downs of not knowing what you want and exactly when you might want it… could you give me a timeline of when you think we might be engaged by? Just so that I know what to expect’

I think I need to have this conversation with my SO soon so you’re not alone 

Post # 9
Member
122 posts
Blushing bee

Do you live together? If so, there’s your answer. If not, I would demand a timeline. You’re fight, at 31 you’re not getting any younger and you deserve to know what his plans are.

Post # 11
Member
2400 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@azgirl08:  I’m sorry you’re going through this!  It sounds like he’s stalling.  But I think worse than waiting to be married to someone who isn’t ready is actually being married to someone who isn’t ready.  It comes down to whether you’re willing to wait for him, and that’s such a difficult decision.

I wouldn’t talk marriage to him, it sounds like that’s not the major problem.  The bigger problem is that you’re putting your life on hold for him, and that you’re unhappy doing so.  A ring won’t magically change that.  Do what you need to do in your life to be happy, and if he can’t support that then that might help you to make a decision.  Best of luck!!

Post # 12
Member
3372 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2000

@azgirl08:  I don’t understand how selling your house and moving to a new place for career advancement involves your SO.

 But I don’t really have to understand it, I will just say that if you are putting your life goals on hold (marriage, children, career) and those goals have deadlines that will not be met due to SO’s inaction, you’ve got to get out of this relationship.

 

But not yet–give the guy a chance to understand the deadlines–biological, career, etc–and step up.

Post # 14
Member
2782 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@azgirl08:  Question- what did he get you for Christmas this year?

Is it possible he’s waiting for a new year’s proposal?  Or that maybe he just doesn’t want to do it on or around an actual holiday?

 

The first year is always the most exciting- it’s a scientifically proven fact.  Then all the newness wears off and the hormones drop a bit (for most), and for some, it seems like more work than it was at first.  You have to learn to like the person you love.

This is no excuse for him, but do you think that maybe he just got comfortable and that’s why he doesn’t propose?  I’m not going to lie- getting married, is in some ways- a chore.  I know a lot of people might read that and think I’m horribly negative for saying that—- I don’t mean it exactly like it sounds.

It’s just a really big event– there’s a lot of work, a lot of emotion + and a lot of money that come into it.  Inevitabley, there’s usually some stress involved (if you plan on having a whoile wedding and not just eloping).  Is it worth is?  Yes, absolutely.  I’m just saying- if your SO has sat down and thought about all that comes with getting engaged, maybe he just wants to avoid it for awhile….which is not a good reason, not a good excuse.

It just doesn’t sound like there are any bad things in your relationship– so maybe that’s all it is?

 

If I were you, I’d just sit down and talk to him- ask him WHY not a proposal yet?  And go from there?

Post # 16
Member
3372 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2000

@azgirl08:  I think that your point of view is very reasonable. And I TOTALLY agree, good lord, don’t make a move as a career move and drag him along with him making no committment. nope.

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