Still waiting for RSVPs

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
2896 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

rsvp’s were one of the most exciting and frustrating parts of planning my wedding. it was so fun to check the mail and see those little envelopes waiting for me, but it was like pulling teeth trying to get responses from people once the deadline past. i got a lot of “i don’t know’s” too. it’s so annoying.

i would just contact those people (again) and say that if you don’t get an answer by the end of the weekend (or the end of the day), you’re marking them as a “no.” blame your venue/caterer if you don’t want to seem like a nag.

Post # 4
842 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@Tigerlilybride:  at this point, I would contact those people and tell them you’re counting them as a no. 

Post # 5
142 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@Tigerlilybride:  Ugh, I feel your pain.  Granted I have a week more than you do to get final answers, my venue wanted numbers yesterday.  If people could not give me a concrete “yes” than I took that as a “no”.

I also had a family of 8 who originally replied “yes” tell us that they wont be able to make it.  Except they then told my fiance, “well, if we can make it afterall we’ll just show up.  Don’t worry about having chairs for us or food”…

Sigh, my fiance didn’t understand when I told him “it doesn’t work that way, but don’t worry.  there WONT be chairs or food for them if they JUST show up!”

Hehe, my point being… it happens to everyone it seems!  At this rate, I would stop tracking people down.  Assume their inability to commit means that they wont be able to make it and just enjoy the excitement of the last week before your wedding!

Post # 6
573 posts
Busy bee

If they don’t RSVP but show up they can have what leftovers there are: surely people know this is why you RSVP so people can feed you vs not pay for you if you can’t go.

Post # 8
10748 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2014

Ugh. Contact them all one last time and tell them if they can’t confirm a yes for you, that you have to count them as a no. How annoying!!!

Post # 10
478 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I feel for you. How stressful!! Agree that you should maybe pick a final cut off date, contact those people once more on it and get their final answer. No maybe’s allowed.

As for BIL – ugh! That is soooo annoying 🙁

Post # 12
3217 posts
Sugar bee

@Tigerlilybride:  Just because he won’t tell them not to come, doesn’t mean you are obligated to host them.  It is not impolite to turn them away at the door.

Post # 13
45 posts
  • Wedding: September 2013

Is BIL FI’s bro? If so, will he listen to FI? (Maybe not, but worth a try?) It’s totally on him that he’s invited these people, and he needs to fix it. Sorry that he’s being such a pill 🙁

As PP said, tell these people that you will mark them as no if they can’t confirm a yes. It seems doubtful at this point that you’ll hear back from any of them, but you will have tried. You’ll also have informed them that you assume they’re not coming in case they show up and are upset that there’s no spot for them.

The concept of RSVPing is so simple, yet so many people just cannot seem to get it. Sigh.

Post # 14
2818 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I’ve already drafted two emails. The one I’ll be sending on August 2 says: hey, the deadline has passed. HurryTF and RSVP (in much more flowery language, of course). The one I’ll be sending September 1 says: Don’t even try to show up now. It’s way too late for that nonsense.

Post # 15
1403 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

That is so incredibly rude! 

Don’t people know how weddings work?   I’m assuming they do, they just don’t care.

Also to add – I would never have the balls to tell a bride that I’m “waiting to see what the plans are and that’s why we haven’t RSVP’d yet.”   THE WEDDING IS THE PLAN – if you have something better or want to hold out for something better (which is 9 outta 10 times the case) then just say NO.   If it’s business related I can understand but most of the time it’s just people being insulting.

If I get any of that bullshit a few weeks before my wedding I’m counting them as a NO and it’s tough nuggets for them.

Post # 16
6980 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I would call and tell them if they cannot decide by today, you’re sorry, but you’ll have to count them as a no because you need to give a final headcount to your vendors.

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