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@chasesgirl: I am so with you on this one. I had a girl who posted her dead baby's pic on FB. It creeped me out for an entire month.
OMFG.
FI just showed me yesterday that a girl he went to HS with posted a damn VIDEO of their baby being taken off life support! We were floored!
They really had a pic of the baby when it was dead and put it on a shirt. That's kinda gross. I get putting a picture of someone that has passed on a shirt, but seriously the pic should be from when they were alive not dead. Remember their lives, not their deaths.
And I don't really "get" the shirts or whatever either. I am a bit creeped out by them, unless it's like a shirt for a fundraiser in their honor or something. Like a friend of mine's brother passed while we were in HS but the family created a memorial scholarship that they give out to like 6 HS seniors every year, and they have motorcycle rides in his honor and such, to raise the money. I don't even think those have his picture on them, now that I think of it.
any of this public stuff, tshirts, facebook, whatever -- I definitely think it's weird.
As a woman who has lost a child, I can see getting a picture put on a shirt for a "In memory of" walk.. or pregnancy or loss awareness/walk. But to wear it outside of that I couldn't see doing that.
With that being said. In no way would I be able to do it
When I was pregnant I was on a social networking site for pregnant women. One of the rules was no posting pictures of deceased babies as it's upsetting to others. There were a number of women who suffered the tragic loss of their child and posted the picture anyway. I never flagged them (maybe others did) cause I can't even imagine the pain of losing your baby and I understood that it was part of their grieving.
However, wearing a picture like that in public is another story. It's not just empathetic mothers looking, it's everyone. People find images like that disturbing, tragic as they are. I would imagine someone doing that is just trying to deal with a terrible situation and not thinking about how it might offend others.
@KittenB: It didn't offend me so much as make me confused. ESPECIALLY since the girl wearing the shirt was NOT the woman in the photo...
Yeah I get having the photo privately as a way of remembering them but it wear it around is very strange. I remember when the 19 kids and counting people lost their baby (would have been 20th) there was a photo that got released and all these people freaked out about it... it was a beautiful, tasteful, and not creepy (IMO) picture. I think its a little weird they released it to the press, but I get why they took it and kept it. So yea a picture like this i kind of get, but why on earth would anyone wear it on a shirt? 
@chasesgirl: That is strange...Personally, it upsets me to see pictures like that. Even this one of the Duggar baby's hand is making me a little teary :(
I think that's a very private thing, I'm not sure it should be made so public in my opinion. I get that they should always be remembered but a t-shirt seems a very unusual way to remember if they aren't fundraising. I would understand keeping photos and the tags etc but not wearing something that anyone can judge (except perhaps a picture in a locket but that's hidden again you see). Just my opinion
One of my FB friends posted a picture of her, her husband and their stillborn child on her wall for all of her "friends" to see. It was disturbing and something that I'll never get out of my head. I can't even imagine what it feels like to go through that but I personally think that posting pictures on the internet or wearing a tshirt with a dead body is inappropriate. Other people aren't given the choice whether or not they want to see these images so they shouldn't be posted or worn around town. I know that everyone has their own way to grieve but something like this should really be kept private.
I don't understand what it's like either, but I can't ever see myself putting something like that on a tshirt! I can understand why someone might want photos for personal, private use...but not why you would need to wear it around on a shirt...you don't even see whats on the front of your shirt unless you're looking at yourself in a mirror...so at that point it's not even for you...it's for other people to look at.
@kate169: Good point about the tshirt. They're just subjecting everyone else to the picture, it's not like they're sitting infront of a mirror all day.
I see nothing wrong with taking a private picture for your own healing, grieving and remembering the child. But putting it on a teeshirt for all to see in public isn't the most tasteful thing to do. The only exception would be if it was to be worn for a special fundraising activity like PPs have mentioned. The same thing goes for putting the picture on FB. If someone is that close to you, like family or friends, there are better ways to show the photo (in person, private email, etc). Nothing is private anymore.
I find it really difficult to have an opinion about what any grieving mother does after the loss of her baby. It's so unimaginable to me that I don't think I can even comment on how I would process it or what my mental state would be.
Thanks for being kinder about this topic. Usually there's someone being completely inappropriate and, so far, there's not. I appreciate that.
I'm pregnant right now and let me tell you, seeing a dead anything is not something I want to see, especially a baby! Women are really emotional when pregnant and seeing something like that, out in public, could be scarring!!!
As much as my heart goes out for them, I will be haunted by that images for who knows how long --- even if I tried not thinking about it, it would haunt me in my dreams!
Grieveing is one thing, but no one wants to see that and having it out there can literally cause stress on another!
@KatyElle: I agree 100%.
Without ever being there I cannot even fathom what I would or wouldn't do.
Therefore I feel it is not my place to judge what others do to cope with their grief.
It is always in your power to look away if it is troubling to you.
It is not my place to say how another person should or shouldn't grieve.
@KatNYC2011: True, but once you've seen it the damage is done. I certainly didn't keep going back to the picture on FB but after only seeing it one time for about 5 seconds, I still remember it vividly. It's just one of those things that you can't forget.
@UpstateCait: It may be something you can't forget, but with all the images we see on a daily basis the pain or mental upset of seeing one picture like that is absolutely nothing compared to what the parents of that child are going through.
Grief manifests in different ways, and I feel it is not my place to tell someone that the way they are grieving upsets me. To me that seems very insensitive to what they are going through.
I'm not saying I would want to see the picture, but if that is someone's way of grieving I will not judge or think badly of them for it.
@emilygrace07: I think that picture is a beautiful thing they will have to remember their baby.
@redheadem: I am not sure how that is so tramatizing?
I am definately in the camp of not judging since I haven't been there. Maybe as a mother myself I can have more tolerance for those things because I really don't know how you survive a loss of a child.
@KatNYC2011: I get that. I still don't think it's appropriate though, but that's just my opinion.
@KatyElle: Agree. I wish you would write a book filled with all your wisdom!
Everyone grieves differently. My mother lost two babies. One stillborn, and one 11 days after birth. She is extremely private about the matter, and the only reminder is that she buys four birthstones instead of only two. My friend who lost a baby, on the other hand, talks about it on a weekly basis and finds comfort in reaching out to others who have lost their baby and is very open about her grieving process.
I can't imagine the hurt I would feel or how I would deal with it, so I can't form an opinion on how these women have dealt with their circumstances.
@sexxysheddy: I know of someone who did this too! This person has an entire PUBLIC album on facebook of her dead fetus. The fetus was only a few months old (maybe 4 months) not even close to full term, and wasn't fully developed. In the photos she and her husband are holding the tiny fetus and it looks like a funeral. I understand she was grieving,but I feel that some things just cross the line. A tiny red, deceased fetus is not something that the general public needs to see. When I showed my friend the album her jaw was on the floor. I think some people would be scarred for life after viewing those photos.
I understand grief and mourning, and that everyone does this is in different ways, but I think because of human sensitivity to these issues, there are some things that need to be kept private.
@KatNYC2011: Thanks!
@MrsMeNow: As for how one survives a stillbirth, you don't. A piece of your soul dies and I can feel the whole every single day.
Parents who have lost a baby want to acknowledge that their child existed. I'm pregnant now and I feel the baby kicking and moving. I have hopes and dreams about what her life will be like, what features of ours she will inherit. I'm starting to fill the house with baby things and I'm making a quilt. My parents are discussing future trips to Disney and how much my daughter will love being a sister.
I can't imagine the heartache of going through labor and delivery to go home empty handed. I just can't. Some people are very private in their grief, some want the world to know "I had a baby, my baby was beautiful." You have to understand that THOSE parents are not looking at that picture and seeing a deceased baby that others are disturbed by, they are seeing their child, and that image will never be anything but perfect to those parents. If you can't understand it, then at least try to be compassionate. That's all.
Wow, pictures of your dead family members on a shirt is kinda out there for me. A dead body is something very private imo, whether it be your grandma, baby, parents, whatever. Putting it on a tshirt doesn't seem like honoring them to me, it seems like cheapening thier memory. So they get home, take a shower, then change into an old navy tshirt after?
So reading this post kind of brought tears to my eyes. The thought of loosing a child just kills my insides. When I was pregnant... the thought of not being pregnant without a baby would bring me to tears.. It is most likely the most difficult things that these women will have to face in their lifetime.. and unless you walk in their shoes.. you will never understand the pain of a greiving mother. Either way, the shirts, pictures and everything else they do are for them. to help them. if you are offended, look away. I am sorry to say but not everything revolves around what society deems appropriate.. sometimes people just have to do what feels right for them.
I hope that I never have to know the pain that those mothers are going through and I can absolutely understand wanting those pictures to help cherish and hold on to what fleeting time they had with their child. It is simply and unimaginable loss to me.
But putting those images on a t-shirt to just wear around in public seems a bit off to me.
@MrsMeNow: It's traumatizing because that's a dead baby and there's an exclamation point on the photo. Not saying she shouldn't grieve however she wants to, but I'd rather not see that.
A t-shirt is inappropriate.
Parents posting photos on facebook I can kind of understand, since those are the only photos they have and they're proud of their baby (though it would probably be wise to restrict the album to close friends and family, since people further removed from the situation aren't likely to understand).
Relatives randomly posting photos is inappropriate, in my opinion (some distant relative of mine posted photos of her stillborn cousin...having photos of a very obviously dead baby popping up on my news feed after being posted by someone who isn't even the baby's parent struck me as being very wrong).
I've seen lots of dead babies on the Internet, and for the most part, it doesn't disturb me. The only time I feel disturbed is when the mother clearly is not moving on and has become completely obsessed with her dead baby (to the point where it's clear that she needs help, since obsession with anything to that degree would be unhealthy). I also feel a little bothered when parents involve their young children in viewing and handling the dead baby (such as one photo I saw of a 3(?) year old girl pretending to feed an 18(?) week fetus with a baby bottle), since I'm not sure that's something a young child can adequately handle/process and they're not really capable of deciding if it's something they can handle seeing.
As for the Duggars, I think the photos were very tasteful and that it wasn't wrong for them to post a photo to their site (the leaking of the photos, however, wasn't so nice). They believe very strongly that Jubilee was a real little person and they want to acknowledge her existence.
Very delicate situation.
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I TOTALLY get that I, as someone who has never had children cannot even begin to understand the pain that comes from losing a child, especially one that was close enough to delievery to be viable or who was term/ a very young baby when they died. I understand that people grieve different ways and think that, if it helps you, photos of you with your child after their death are a wonferful way to heal.
But tonight I saw something that I just thought was... off. It was a picture of a mother and a baby, with the words "Mother's Last Kiss" and then a name and date. On a tshirt. I feel like there are some things that are healthy for healing, when done privately, but to print a tshirt with a picture of your deceased child on it? And not like, from when they are alive, but the child is very apparently no longer alive IN the picture for the entire world to see? It just was weird. Of course I have also never really liked the shirts that are quite popular around here in certain communuties to have a picture (and usually just some random snap shot) of a person printed on a shirt with something like "We miss you, RIP" with the person's name (and usually not their real name but a nickname), DOB and date of death... I again get that people grieve differently but it just seems an odd thing to wear in public; on your shirt...
Am I the only one who doesn't quite get the shirt or doesn't think that a tshirt printed with a deceased child on them are totally appropriate?