Post # 1
Bees, I need help with this and quickly. I tried to google it and it wasn’t much help as most of the answers I found were from 2000.
My future in law’s pastor is marrying us in their church for absolutely no cost to us. What is the standard stipend we should give him? FI thinks $50, I think $100 and my parents think $250?
I don’t want to insult him because he is completely awesome and I can’t wait to see what he came up with for us.
Post # 3
Offer him the $250 and see what he says? He may kindly refuse it or take some of it but not all?
Post # 4
I think an officiant “fee” was included in the cost of us using the church. I want to say it was a couple hundred dollars?
Post # 5
Ours is completely free because FI’s parents are members of the church.
Post # 6
ya the cost of our pastor was included in church rental, which was insanely high to me, but I think $150 sounds good
Post # 7
This will depend on what part of the country you’re in and whether or not the pastor has to travel very far…. and your general financial health.
I recently faced the same question – a family friend of my in-laws happens to be a pastor. So when we were deciding who would perform our ceremony (neither of us live near our parents/wedding state anymore, and my childhood pastor has long ago retired) we went with this man. But since he viewed our wedding as “ministry” he NEVER broached the topic of compensation.
I emailed a few youth pastors & retired pastors to ask what the typical “love gift” is for a pastor performing a wedding.
In rural Maine couples generally give the pastor between $100 and $200. Some couples (especially really young ones who aren’t well established – fiancially) give $50. The average tends to be $150.
Our pastor was very involved and had to drive a ways to our venue. And DH & I are both employed and have been for several years, so it made sense to us to give the pastor a little more than the “average.”
If your in-law’s pastor is just showing up to perform the ceremony you can probably tend towards the lower end, if he’s been involved with any sort of pre-marital classes or conversations, or if you’ve had more than one meeting with him I’d suggest being more generous.
If you’re financially able to give what your FMIL suggests, that’s probably not out of line… After all, it’s her pastor & church, so she’s probably familiar with the customs and norms.
I’m not sure about “offering” a pastor money (which, to me, implies a conversation – “Hey how much do you think we should pay you? IS $xxx alright?”), that could be awkward for everyone. We slipped the money inside an envelope with a card thanking the pastor and his wife for their support and help in making our day so nice.