Post # 1
i found out yesterday that my bestfriend (who is also one of my bridesmaids) has put her wedding forward to be before mine. i have been engaged for about 4 years and she got engaged this christmas. im getting married next year 2011 and she had set her year for 2012 but last night she told me she was bringing it forward to be about 4 months before mine. i wasnt bothered at first but we went to look at some dresses last night and i was so excited but when we got there the shop lady said that the one who is getting married first should try them on. well that was therefore her, even though she had only decided the night before. i just sat there whilst she tried them all on, i feel so deflated, its no longer about my wedding, its about hers. i feel so awful that i feel like this but i cant help it, i feel second best and as though she didnt think how it might make me feel. she did ask me if i felt asthough she had stolen my thunder but i said no……what am i meant to say, she is my best friend.
Post # 3
You should look at this as a good thing– you and your best friend are lucky to be able to go through this time together, and can have tons of fun trading ideas, inspiration, support, etc. There is no “thunder” that can be “stolen”– you can’t expect to have all the attention on you all the time, for a five year engagement. It’s going to be a really long next year, if you constantly compare yourselves and look at this as a competition. Her getting married doesn’t take anything away from you– if anything, it should ADD to your experience, as you get to obsess over all the details together.
If you had initiated the dress shopping trip so that you could find your dress, then you should have been firm and said “Oh, she’s getting married first, but we’re here for me this time, we’ll come look for dresses for her next week” or something like that. If you want your best friend to come and help you find a dress, you should schedule another appointment and just clarify that you’d like her help.
Post # 4
You’ve been engeged for four years. People have to move forward with their lives regardless of when you decide to get married. Also, it can be fun to have another friend who is getting married around the same time as you.
Post # 5
I understand how you feel — I’m getting married in September and one of my closest friends *just* announced that she’s getting married in June. I’m soo happy for her and her Fiance, but I’ve had a few moments of jealousy over the whole thing (as much as I hate to admit it). Since her wedding is soon and she just announced it, all of our friends are constantly talking about her wedding, throwing her showers, engagement parties, etc. I have yet to have a shower thrown for me, and my wedding is coming soon too…
So I understand how you feel. I hate that I do feel jealous, especially over something that is making one of my best friends so happy and that I’m excited about for her! For me it has come down to keeping my feelings in check, and allowing myself to get excited in planning with her. This is her only engagement, too, and I dont want to take away from it. I definitely agree with jhphi’s advice – do your best not to make it into a competition. Also, stand up for yourself and be honest with her – if things are making you feel really upset, tell her in a tactful way that you feel left out. Im sure she doesn’t intend to do that to you, and will make an effort to make sure it’s not always about her. Try thinking of it more as an experience you two can share, instead of someone stealing your thunder. 🙂
Post # 6
Well, it sucks, but yeah, a 4 year engagement is a long time. If she wants to get married beofre you, it’s her perogative. There are lots of factors that go into picking a date besides “Hmm this is my best friend’s wedding month. I should plan after her”. It isn’t “he who gets engaged first gets married first”. It’s completely impractical. Your thunder isn’t stolen.
And I think it was weird with what that shop lady did. Completely rude in my opinion. What’s the harm in letting two engaged girls try on dresses together?! Your friend should’ve stuck up for you but YOU should’ve stuck up for yourself. Don’t let yourself get walked on!
I’d have been THRILLED if i’d had an engaged buddy when i was engaged. It’s SO MUCH FUN to do things with someone else, together, who’s excited about getting married, too!
Just be grateful she put her wedding 4 MONTHS before yours. Not a week or two before =]. And, getting engaged in February and planning a wedding for June 2011 (next June….almost 16 months away) is perfectly reasonable. In fact, I bet she wanted a June wedding and didn’t want to wait for 2 years to get married in the summer.
Post # 7
My best friend/MOH got engaged a few months after me. She asked how much time I was comfortable with in between our weddings and I said that as long as it was more than two weeks before or two weeks after mine, I’d be there. She ended up going with a date a month after mine and I see no problems there. Neither of us are demanding brides and we understand that the other person is busy planning too. We have very different styles and have mostly different guest lists. Also, it’s really fun to go through this experience with someone else!
So…I don’t think you should worry about her stealing your thunder. If you go dress shopping with her again, make it clear that it’s for you–or bring someone else.
Post # 8
I think the terrible woman working at the shop stomped on your parade, and that your friend getting married before you has nothing to do with it. What the hell was that woman thinking?
Post # 9
I don’t really see the big deal here. I mean, you’ve been engaged for four years, presumably planning SOMETHING, and she’s excited to be recently engaged and getting married soon. You should be supportive of one another, and I think four months is plenty of time between the two weddings. You don’t have first rights to get married, that’s life! I think you shouldn’t go back to that store though–that was just rude of them to exclude you, you both could have tried dresses on.
Post # 10
I totally get it, and I second Bon Fire on this one. I don’t think it’s that your Bridesmaid or Best Man is engaged, or that her wedding is before yours. I think it’s that the dress lady is a BIAHTCH! I would just NOT go back to that store, and tell the store manager exactly WHY you won’t be going back. That was completely rude!! You made the appointment for YOU! Really, I think that you’re hurt that your Bridesmaid or Best Man sided with the sales lady even though it SHOULD have been a trip for YOU. Yeah, I’d call that stolen thunder. You psyched yourself up to try on dresses, then had to hold your breath and watch someone else do it. It’s like telling your kid you’re going to Cold Stone, then eating an ice cream cone in front of them. SO NOT COOL. Talk with your Bridesmaid or Best Man and explain that you were hurt by what happened and that in the future, you want to clearly define WHO the appointment is for, and not let any pushy sales people change it. It actually is fun to be engaged with your best friend, because you can both gush about wedding stuff for hours, whereas most other people aren’t that interested in hearing about all your deets.
Post # 11
I didn’t get the impression the dress appointment was for the OP. She just said “we went to go look at dresses”….did I miss something? Cuz if so, that changes my opinion to what MIghtySapphire said! I’d be pissed at my friend for THAT!
Post # 12
I agree with everyone that’s said the dress lady was out-of-line and probably exacerbated the slight tinge of jealousy you were already feeling. It sounds like your friend is having a little over a yr engagement which is actually about the average. Have fun planning together!!
Post # 13
- Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch
If you are engaged for four years, it’s impossible to expect that no one who gets engaged after you will get married before you… even a good friend. And getting married in 2011 still means she’s not having a short engagement! At least she is getting married four months before you, and not four weeks, so I don’t think any of your thunder will be stolen at all. That shop was garbage for not letting you both try on dresses when you’re both planning weddings, but maybe this means you should decide ahead of time whose wedding you’re planning for before each outing.
Post # 14
I agree with Spaniel. 4 year engagement is a long time and you can’t expect anyone to not get engaged during that time. One of my BM’s also got engaged after me and her wedding date is a month after mine. I don’t see it as an issue so far. In fact having another person going through the wedding planning process with me has been helpful. So far we ended up booking the same photographer, same hair/makeup person, sharing centerpieces..etc. Its always nice to have a friend to talk to nothing about weddings all the time without feeling its going to drive her crazy.
Post # 15
4 years is a while, and 2011 and 2012 are both still far away. At this point, you just need a new dress shop. But really – it’s still early to plan BOTH of your weddings. Try and suck it up and be happy for her and experience it together – she clearly didn’t move it ahead for a malicious reason – I consider her engagement to be long, too.
Post # 16
I had dinner with one of my great friends last night. She is engaged and will probably be getting married a year after me. I was so incredibly happy to have someone to gush about wedding stuff with, because I dont have anyone else. Your married friends have already gone through it and your single friends or not engaged friends dont understand. I would consider it a blessing that you both get to go through it together.