Post # 1
I come from a very large family of 11 kids. I am the middle child of that entire bunch, and I very much have middle-child syndrome. I have three older brothers who are married, and two older sisters who are not. I was the first daughter to get engaged. Until.
My older sister got engaged this past weekend. While I love her, and I’m happy she is with the guy she’s marrying as opposed to the jerks she’s dated before, I feel like my thunder has been stolen. She loves attention, and she always makes sure that she has the focus. Not only that, but she is planning her wedding to be 6 weeks after mine.
Needless to say, I’m upset. I can’t exactly tell my sister that my wedding is more important than hers, or that she needs to move her date to appease me. But I do need to think of a way to deal with this.
Am I being overly dramatic? Or do I make a bit of sense?
Post # 3
You’re being dramatic. Stop. You were still the “first” daughter and you’ll be the first to get married. As one of 11 (!!!) you’ve had to learn to share in many case before, so this shouldn’t be unusual.
Post # 4
I think whatever you’re feeling makes sense – we all have our own emotions, so that’s just how you feel about it. With that being said, my question is this: will the weddings being so close make guests have to choose between attending weddings? That would be my primary concern, as obviously you don’t want someone to have to choose between your weddings due to travel costs and etc.
But with that being said, try to make the best of this situation and enjoy helping each other plan! Like you said yourself, you really can’t make her move her date, so it’s best to enjoy the process as much as you can!
Post # 5
You have to get over it. Life is full of disappointments and that’s all this really is…it’s not the end of the world.
Post # 6
You need to get over it, getting engaged and getting married is not a competition. Just be happy for your sister and move on with planning your wedding.
Post # 7
Being the middle child sucks is all i can say. You are always the forgotten one and when you do have a moment to shine and its taken away from you, it can be a hard pill to swallow. Thats all i got.
Post # 8
@erclay: i understand how you feel ((HUGS)) and i felt the same way my cousin is getting married 7 months before i do and i felt like she kinda was going to steal my thunder but i realized theres nothing i can do about it and its not true. so why ruin my wedding vibes worring about her wedding effecting mine caz its not. i dont talk wedding talk with her at all i dont want any of my ideas or plans being stolen when she asks about my wedding plans (colors themes..etc) i tell her i dont really know that i have so much time to think about these things or i throw her off about my plans. my colors are blues and she askes me about my colors i told her i havent made up my mind yet and was thinking of going with wines and low and behold now shes thinking about wine colors lol my colors are blue ; ) i throw her off and i dont talk wedding talk with her at all unless she brings it up and im very vague about it.
Post # 9
Its understandable, the thing I would worry about is if guests hav to choose which wedding to attend. My advice is to make sure you and your FI make your wedding special to you, as well as enjoying working on weddings with your sister, the day is aobut your love for your FI and your commitment, and I doubt your sister would do anything to distract from that on your day, but the planning period is fair game. Im going thro something similar, and my biggest worry is comparison, were having a small low key wedding, and I dont want to be put down becuase we are not havin a ballroom fancy event, but all that matters is me and my FI not what others think about our wedding, so just try to avoid issues with that, and you could also try to find ways with your sister to make your weddings unique so that repeat guests will have fun at both parties, and you two will stand out from eachother.
Post # 10
When did you get engaged? By the time your wedding comes, plenty of other people will have gotten engaged as well. Everyone else shouldn’t have to put their plans on hold until after your wedding.
I understand that you are upset, but you should focus now on the fact that you have your sister to plan with and understand the stress of wedding planning. Enjoy it!
Post # 11
@0CT12BRIDE: Thanks for the tips. My wedding is going to be low key, and her’s is going to end up being a big ballroom, lots of lights, glitter everywhere type event. And because my parent’s side of the family isn’t very well off, it is a concern that they won’t be able to make one of the weddings. =/
Post # 12
You’re still the first daughter to get engaged, and married!
I don’t think my family will be all that interested in my impending engagement/wedding at all, so just imagine that! You may have one less slice of thunder than you thought you would, but imagine you were like me, and I’m sure, many other brides… Thunderless!
the important thing is that it’s a hurricane (ok, cheesy pun, sorry) in your FI’s eyes. Only two people really need to be hyped for this wedding. Are they? Good, then enjoy any surplus thunder received 🙂 some will always get more… But some will always get less.
Post # 13
I can’t ever seem to get my head around the whole “stolen thunder” thing. Truly, there is enough “thunder” to go around. You may need to share attention with your sister for some things– for example, if your parents are making gifts for each of you to help pay for the wedding, you may be part of a delicate balancing of the checkbook— but your sister’s engagement makes yours no less special, and her wedding makes yours no less special. Learn to appreciate that you each have your own lives which are deeply entwined, and that it works in both ways for you: sometimes you have to give up a little (even if it’s only in your mind), but sometimes you get a little (the love and companionship of your sister). It’s really not worth it to try to be first, biggest, best, showiest, most special in everything because then everything becomes hyper-competitive and a lot less fun.
Post # 14
@joya_aspera: I’m going to write “Surpluss thunder” on a post-it and carry it around with me everywhere.
Post # 15
At least you’re the first wedding… Have you already sent out your STDs? Just sayin’ if family is going to have to choose a wedding (because of costs, etc) then at least you’ve already claimed “first” wedding so they’ve likely already committed to your wedding. Aaaand then you’re still the first daughter to get married… no sweat!
Post # 16
@erclay: I think its understandable to be a little dissapointed, but just remember what it’s all about!
Do you feel that some of these feelings may be because people may compare? I had a very low key wedding, and we had numerous people tell us that it was their favorite wedding of the summer! They loved that they were able to wear whatever was comfortable, the only timed event was the ceremony…food was served immediately after and we had lawn games and conversations all night!