Post # 1
So I checked Facebook a few minutes ago, and got this email from one of my cousins:
Hello my favorite cousin….can you pls send me the details for the wedding. I am planning to attend (if Im invited). The reaction on Franks face would be worth it….lol
WTF?? Who invites themself to a wedding??
My mom and I are incredibly close. She’s my BFF. She has a brother and a sister. They are nuts and we basically stopped talking to them or their children when I was a kid (that’s an even longer, crazier story). The only real communication was Christmas cards. I have 8 cousins, 3 of whom I am Facebook friends with, the others I have no contact with at all. I live a 7+ hour drive or more from all of them. I have seen all these cousins once in the past 10 years. We send Christmas cards, but that is the only communication we have. For the most part, they are ok people, we just have NOTHING in common and NOTHING to talk about.
I haven’t seen Jerry (the one who sent the email) in 10+ years. Neither my mom or I was invited to either of his weddings (he’s in the process of getting divorced again). He’s an asshole – crude, every comment is sexual, drinking issues, etc, etc. I don’t plan to invite him to the wedding as he is not someone I like and certainly isn’t the person I would want there to represent my family.
Here’s where it gets a tad sticky – I did send a save the date to his mom and his sister. They are the only family I talk to more than Christmas cards and I have actually seen them recently. BUT – I knew they wouldn’t come. The wedding is in Scotland and they are people who have never even left the state; plus, that is an expense they just can’t afford. They got the courtest invite that we talk about so much on here – I would love if they did come, but I knew they wouldn’t be able to make it.
So how do I tell this cousin he’s not invited? I can’t really say it’s immediate family only becasue I invited his mom and sister. I am tempted to just tell him he’s not invited as I’m not really worried about pissing him off as I will likely never see or talk to him after this (because I haven’t in the past 10+ years).
Thoughts? Should I invite him? If not, how do I tell him he’s not invited?
Post # 3
this had paragraphs when I wrote it! Hopefully, it’s just that stupid glitch and you all can see them 🙂
Post # 4
I would say no don’t invite him, it is just not worth the possible drama and if you don’t like him you don’t want to invite him back into your life by having him there on one of your most special days. Also you have a good out since he didn’t invite you to his wedding.
Post # 5
Oh I totally feel you! In the past week, I’ve had not one, but TWO people invite themselves to my wedding by saying “well i better be invited to your wedding!!” or “I better get an invitation!”
I’m not even engaged yet!!
People are so rude! Anyways, I wouldn’t invite them. If you weren’t planning on inviting them in the first place, their rudeness shouldn’t change their invite status, IMO. If you aren’t worried about pissing him off, just tell him he’s not invited! If you want to be a little more passive about it, just say your guest list is small and you’ve already invited as many people as your venue can hold, but you’re very sorry. Or, you can just ignore his email and he will figure it out when he doesn’t get an invitation!
Would he even go to the wedding if he was invited? I don’t think I would travel transatlantic to go to a cousin’s wedding I haven’t seen in 10 years (ETA: I guess I’m assuming you live in the states…)
Post # 6
@LilliePad: This is the third person to invite themselves! I guess everyone wants an excuse to come to Scotland 🙂
Post # 7
I wouldn’t invite him. There were some step-cousins that we didn’t invite (only seen them once or twice), and we invited one of the cousins in the family and the mom, but those are the ones that we’ve seen most and are close to the rest of the cousins (they all live in Cincinnati & St. Louis). We honestly didn’t care what they thought since we don’t see them, not close to them, and honestly could care less.
Post # 8
@Glasgowbound: Unfortunately I guess it’s just part of the process lol. My opinion has always been that once someone has been incredibly rude and broken OBVIOUS ettiquete rules, then you shouldn’t feel obligated to find the “proper” way to not invite them. This is a very immature way of dealing with things but oh well. Ain’t nobody got time for that!
Post # 9
When people ask, “hey am I invited?!”, if I don’t plan on inviting them, I say “no!”.
I’ve said no to ex-coworkers, family I haven’t seen in 10+ years, and friends from high school that I can only facebook friends with.
For me, it’s easy to say no. Everytime someone asks me, I think to myself : “The person would cost me another $288 to attend my wedding”, then I think :
1. Do I know this person well enough to want them at my wedding?
2. Are they worth the $288?
3. Do I plan to visit/talk to them before the wedding? or after?
If the answer is no to any or all 3, you bet your ass I’m not sending them an invite.
Post # 10
I would personally ignore the message. Act like it didn’t happen. He doesn’t deserve an answer!
Post # 11
I’m not going to invite him, but if I did, I don’t even know HOW I would invite him as I have no idea where he is living. He was in Alabama but is getting divorced so I’m not sure if he is still there, or if he is moving back home to Indiana. Ugh
Post # 12
@yippee62913: This. Delete the message and move on.
I’ve had a few people try to invite themselves to the wedding. Former coworkers, mostly, including a girl who didn’t invite me to her wedding (and told me that I’d better not get married before she did?), but invited a number of other coworkers. Yeah, I’m totally going to invite you to my wedding so you can sit there and judge all of my choices. My old boss kept trying to weasel details from me whenever I’d stop by, too. Annoying.
Post # 13
I will admit a fault.
When my Fiance and I were together for under a year my then-SO announced that his sister was have a Destination Wedding in Louisiana. I dead-ass invited myself, which he later pointed out to me. I am sure I did not ingraciate myself to his sister that way, but I paid her back for my airfare the minute we landed (she paid for her brother and I so we could be on the same flight).
But I dead-ass (you can tell I am from NYC, right?) thought I was invited….idiot me.
I will admit, looking back, that this was not the best way to meet his sister, But I do not regret it because I was able to videotape the ceremony (beautiful backyard ceremony on an Air Force Base) and capture my then-SO walk his sister down the isle.
When his Bro(friend) was getting married I was so embarrased of my previous behavior I explicitly waited for my man to invite me. He later said he would not have gone (or been able to even attend) without me.
Hopefully the moral of this story is that ppl who invite themselves to weddings, have the possibility of redemption. And, like I did, hopefully will learn from their mistakes.
Post # 14
@Glasgowbound: since he was rude enough to invite himself I would not stress over finding a polite way to tell him he’s not invited. I would simply reply “as you assumed you’re not invited” and leave it at that.
ETA I am curious though. If he’s that bad (rude/crass) why are you Fb friends with hiM?
Post # 15
@luvmesumhim: He just joined FB about a month ago and since I have no contact with him I thought it would be a nice way to see what he’s up to. It’s through his FB posts that the rudeness/craseness has become evident – IE: there was a cute picture of his neices that he was tagged in, thanking him for a stuffed elephant he gave them. He then commented about how he keeps his elephant in his pants but lets it out to play sometimes. Who makes a commetn like that on a picture of your nieces?????
Post # 16
People are rude and stupid. Ignore his message.