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Might he have been joking? I heard comments like that during planning, but it was primarily just in jest/good fun.
I'm totally with you. What did I, the bride, want? I wanted a simple courthouse wedding with a fun honeymoon. What did Mr. SD ask me for? A huge hometown bash. So, I'm giving it to him. He helps, a little bit. But I work from home and make my own hours, so I really have all the free time (and organizational skills) to get it done. I try to ask him on things he wants, his opinions on my ideas, and all he wants to give me are the general ideas and have me handle all the details. So here we are, bride in charge of executing groom's big vision. But of course, it's ALL about the bride!
I don't think he meant it meanly. I've had several people make the same joke to me and thought nothing of it. Its just a funny and EASY joke to make. However I will say that I do get aggravated when people make comments about how its MY day, or I'm the Bride, because I don't think its just about me, nor do I think its just about US, I feel like my wedding is about family and combining our two into one. Just MHO.
Yeah our officiant says this to us all the time "It's whatever you/she wants" but it doesn't bother me at all. I know we are doing this together and that's all that really matters.
@sand dollar: I feel you. I wanted a small 40-50 person wedding if that. He didn't want to leave anyone out. So now I am stressed out planning for 140 people.
I think maybe you should cut the caterer some slack, people in the wedding industry seem to make that joke all the time. As long as you know you are not some limelight hogging bridezilla, and he hasn't said anything to indicate that you are, I don't think it is really that big of a deal at all.
I can understand your frustrations. I feel that sometimes here in the WB that gets thrown around too. I am sure he didn't mean it in a negative way. Most men think they are doing women a favor when they agree to our every whim. I too am doing a lot of the leg work, but when push comes to shove, FI and I discuss everything before making a decision or signing a contract. Truth is, the wedding day is about a couple and their love. Don't let this guy ruin your day.
Vendors said that to me and it didn't bother me. Even though he actually cared a LOT about all the little details and really weighed in on all decisions, DH looked totally bored if not half asleep in all our vendor meetings. He just can't pay attention for that long and the vendors mistook it for him not caring. I knew I had to take good notes in order to reiterate everything to him after the meeting because he actually did want it to be about 'him' too.
I think it's just good business sense to treat the bride as though she is pulling the strings, I wasn't offended.
oh yeah that stuff bothered me too but it's based on a stereotype and isn't necessarily negative. But honestly, the truth is the wedding kind of IS all about the bride... whether we want it that way or not. You're guy is awesome for tagging along with you and being supportive but my guess is he's good with whatever choices you make. Girls just care about this stuff more than guys and vendors know that. It would def bother me tho when people would say things like that because I tried to include my husband in as many decisions as possible, and his opinion meant alot to me even if it didn't mean alot to him lol! There was a situation that really bothered me at our Stock the Bar Party (a couples shower where our friends give us bottles of alcohol to literally stock our home bar lol) My BM's boyfriend had wanted to get us bourbon (he and my hubby are both from kentucky, an obvious choice) but she over-rode him and they gave us some weird pre-mixed mojito crap cuz she knows i like mojiots (yes, but REAL ones) and she told him they had to b/c it's all about me! He told me about this (i could tell just from the fact that he was telling me this and from his tone they must have gotten into a tiff about it... she can be overbearing if that's not obvious) and when he said that i was like "...well, it's about us..." I was offended that she disregarded my husband so easily like he was a side bar to the whole thing, and to boot made her BF feel bad about wanting to get us something we actually would have liked much better than what we got!
While I understand EXACTLY what you mean, I think you're over reacting just a tad. I really don't think he meant to be rude or offending. Some people simply have this idea in their head that weddings are all about brides & what they want. But I also think a lot of vendors know that as a bride you probably will be making most decisions; just for the fact that some grooms are so bored by meetings & usually don't have an input either way (that's my FI anyway, "Yeah babe, that's cool. Whatever you think").
Along the same lines, I get SO sick of hearing women say, "This is MY day. This is all about ME & what I want"...uuuuh, no!
Well, if you were talking about it with your FI "sat silently in the back", I would have guessed that it was more your desire than his anyways, otherwise he would have been up there with you discussing the plans.
The blanket statement is probably true more often than not - theres a post and poll somewhere here about how much help or input bee's FIs had. I'm pretty sure the majority said that FI didn't help plan much at all = guy doesnt really care, it IS the brides day. FI has said that to me a ton, its "anything I want", "my day", he just wants to be married. I wouldnt have taken offense to that at all. And I while I think i say "we" most the time cause its "our" day, in reality I should be saying "I want".
I understand that he was probably joking and that it probably did seem like I was in charge but its not my fault my fiance doesn't want to help. And just because brides care more about the details while guys only care about the big picture doesnt make the wedding all about us - That would be saying that all our decisions were made without our men in mind! I just find that assumption to be rude
I don't know how many times I heard the phrase: "Happy wife, happy life!" while planning. Many many times. From almost every vendor. The assumption being that if I wasn't happy with something, my DH would be the one "paying for it" later. We both found that ironic, because if I wasn't happy about something, the VENDOR was the one who would hear about it, not DH. So we just gave sideways glances and giggled everytime we heard that.
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I just got back from a meet-up with our potential caterer and I am pissed! D:< The venue was gorgeous, the menu was superb, and all-in-all everything matched up until this situation took place:
As I was talking to the owner about serving mimosas (while FI sat silently in the back) I made the mistake of using the word "I" a few times too many. I caught myself and said "I'm sorry, WE were interested in a mimosa bar."while signalling to FI, to which the owner replied "Oh thats okay. Everyone knows the wedding is all about the bride!"
I was LIVID. For him to make such a blatant statement as that while he has only known me for 30 minutes, I thought was incredibly rude! And he's not the first to say it! Everyone seems to believe that, as the bride, I am this overbearing queen of the wedding but in reality I'm doing all the planning because I have the most free time and am the most interested in planning. No decision is made without FI's concensus and I always include him any wedding-related escapade.
I still plan on using the caterer - I may be upset but I'm not so prideful as to pass up a good deal over spite - but I just find this whole "wedding only about the bride" thing to be rediculous and insulting! DX GRRrr!