Stop the wedding train……. I want to elope!!!

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
3016 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

Wow. Your family sucks!!!

I’m really sorry to hear about all this. You need a BM or something to step up to the plate and support you!!! Personally I think that recipe idea is AWESOME, and with a little tweaking, you should still do it (meaning maybe take out a few of the super-secret recipes that your sisters don’t want to share).

I wouldn’t count on your FI for planning; some guys are just “like that.”

But your sisters and mom are being downright lame. I don’t know your relationships with them, obviously, so I don’t know if this is par for the course or what, but I would really stop sharing ideas with them.

You need to find someone who will really listen to you and lay out the pros and cons of eloping. I just worry that you will elope to avoid dealing with all the meanness of your family’s attitude… but then regret having your day.

Again, I’m really sorry they’re letting you down like that. I don’t care how old you are– you deserve the wedding you want.

Maybe tell them to suck on it and do every last damn thing you want.

Post # 4
Member
292 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I feel for you, I’ve had my fair share of drama!  I’ve almost ran to the courthouse a couple times now!!!

BUT I want a wedding, I deserve a wedding!  I want to wear a white dress and walk down the aisle to my favorite song!  I will have my day!

So that what keeps me going! LOL I know it crazy, but I’m an easy going person but I can be quite stuborn! LOL

Best of Luck!

Jac

Post # 6
Member
431 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I eloped and it was THE BEST decision we made – it was just us and the brewery staff around on our private tour – they even got in on the fun and it was so awesome to not worry about anything but us – no one else’s feelings, opinions, nothing!  BUT, that worked for US and you sound like you want your day which is absolutely A-OK 🙂  I’d suggest eloping and then throwing a party to celebrate where you can still dress up, have cake, etc – maybe elope in the morning and then join everyone that night for a party?  Just really step back and figure out what YOU want and what doesn’t really matter and then see how to make it happen 🙂  It sounds like some of your plans are out of what you feel like you have to do and to appease others – you are allowed to be selfish and have YOUR day within the confines of what you both want together. 

Post # 7
Member
1666 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

@sideways8:  Is it bad that I’ve wanted off the wedding train since before we were engaged?

Maybe you should stop sharing information with your mom and sisters. You aren’t close to them and they’ve already indicated that they don’t really care (which is pretty horrible of them to do by the way; doesn’t matter how old you are or how many times you’ve been married). Why continue putting yourself through that?

As for your FI, tell him that he needs to help more. Its good that he is paying for the venue, but it isn’t fair that you have to do all the planning yourself. I flat out told my FI that if he wanted a wedding then he couldn’t just sit around and write a check; I fully expect him to help plan everything and I expect him to give input into things. He fully agreed. He knows I’m serious when I say we’ll just elope if he doesn’t help.

 

Post # 8
Member
6882 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2014 - A castle!

@sideways8:  Don’t feel bad. I’m having a pity party today and unfortunately took it out on my mom 🙁 I didn’t mean to.. but it happened and now I feel horrible about it.

My family doesn’t even act excited about the wedding. In fact, they never even bring it up.

I’ve asked my mom over 10 times to look at wedding dresses with me and she blows it off everytime.

My MOH hasn’t so much as called me in the past 6 months that I’ve been engaged.

I’ve asked my BMs to plan my bachelorette party and sent them the list of people I would like to invite, but nothing has been done at all.

In 6 months of being engaged, I’ve found a venue that I liked but my mom and grandma hated it. It was the only thing in my budget, but they both didn’t like that you have to do your own set up/tear down so they veto’d it. We haven’t looked at any other venues since.

I’m 100% ready to throw in the towel and elope. 

Post # 10
Member
1626 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Your dress is gorgeous! 😀 I wanted off the wedding train so many times before it was over. And there were a lot of snags and there was a lot of drama. My mom going “Well, I was hoping that you’d XYZ” or “It’s supposed to be THIS way” or whatever. I danced to an instrumental as my first dance and a friend made these beautiful sheets with the lyrics and my mom said, “Oh, well I was hoping you’d pick the vocal so they could hear the words. I would have preferred that.” 

GOOD THING IT’S NOT YOUR WEDDING, THEN, HUH!? (Yes, I finally said that to her like two weeks before because I was about to pop out her eyeballs with a spoon. And MIL’s too).

All in all, even with the hang ups on the day of, it was *exactly* as I imagined it, and it was *exactly* what I wanted, and I wouldn’t change a damn thing. Not a single thing. It was the best day ever! It was worth the hassle and the lack of support (seriously, you should read some of my super fab old threads about my ‘best friend’ and how not awesome my Maid of Honor was — she untagged herself from all the photos and hasn’t spoken to me since, btw, lol, oh and my MIL was a NIGHTMAAAAAAAAARE!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHH!). 

Still, I wouldn’t change a thing. I walked up to the gazebo, and there he was, and everything was better than I could have imagined. We walked into the reception hall and I had a moment of “Oh my god, I planned this! OMG! IT LOOKS AMAZING!” The whole thing was literally better than I could have ever imagined, even with my DH telling the photographer the wrong photos location, his parents being late to pictures, lights not ending up where they were supposed to go (they ended up in a better place that was improvised!). Worth. Every. Single. Moment. Of. Stress.

I wish you luck!! After all it IS YOUR DAY. And nobody else’s. Who cares what they think? It’s not theirs. It’s yours. 

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