- 4 years ago
- Wedding: April 2014
So I am stressed! Yes, I admit it. But then I think about everyone else that is doing the same things that I am; planning a wedding! They are stressed and they are still managing to do just fine. Aren’t they?
Yesterday, I talked to my two sisters about the wedding favors. I have been gathering my family recipes and Mr. Sideways8’s recipes as well. Since his family didn’t cook much or save their recipes, we looked to our friends for help. I LOVED the idea of sharing something that my family had no problem passing on because they loved to share their cooking. But when I told my sisters my plan, they stated that they thought that it was an idea that was best kept for a gift at birthdays and Christmas. They didn’t want to share their recipes or help.
I had it all planned out, outlined with photos for this book to be given as a wedding favor since Mr. Sideways8 is a foodie and I love to cook. I had photos for each person that was the owner of the recipe. I thought it was cute and so did my FI. So we decided to scrap that idea. It would save us money by not printing the book.
That isn’t so bad, is it? Keep reading!
Mr. Sideways8 and I are in our 40s and we have a home. There really isn’t anything that we need. We thought about what was important to us; family. We were going to put in our invitation that gifts are not required and put a card in the invitation envelope that if they wanted to give us a gift, give one that would mean something to another. We were requesting that in lieu of gifts, give to a charity that was close to our hearts. You see, I had a cousin that was a neo-natal nurse. She was one of the most amazing people I had ever known. She was smart and always smiling. She had a heart of gold and shared her joy with so many. She was killed in a car wreck a little over 5 years ago with my other cousin who would have been 9 that year. Her mother decided to start a scholorship in her honor for seniors from her high school going into the medical field. I didn’t think that it was a horrid idea to request that instead of gifts for us to give to the scholarship fund for another to benefit. It wasn’t required for gifts as we stated on our invitation.
My two sisters told me that I should imagine how my aunt would feel about that and if my other female cousin hadn’t done that at her wedding in June, I should basically know that it wasn’t my place. I was also told that it would dampen what should be a wonderful happy occasion with this since no one knew who she was.
I was in tears and just wanted to hang up the phone on the conversation. I thought that it was a wonderful idea and I guess that I got so happy about sharing that I didn’t think about it from anyone else’s point of view. I left a message with my aunt and am awaiting a reply. FI’s conversation with me about this was to say that maybe they are right. Ok, I can see that point that we should look at it from all sides.
This whole thing about the favors and the gifts, not to mention the fact that I am planning this wedding ALL BY MYSELF!!! Mr. Sideways8 isn’t really helping. He just keeps commenting on how much this is going to cost. So far, I have been the one planning and paying for it. I found a DJ (bartered with him so he would do it for free), a baker (paying that off and have $200 left to pay), a graphic arts designer to do our invitations, a photographer (who is amazing in every way & luckily a friend that does this for his profession for the past 30 years.), officiant, printing company that is doing the invitations and caterer (my brother-in-law who is a chef. All I have to do is buy the ingredients). Not to mention the dress designer that is designing and sewing the bridesmaids dresses for free as a gift.
He is going to pay for the venue which is about 4K. So it is not like he is not doing anything financially but ideas that I run by him are just “that’s nice” or “it is cute” with a “I like that but ……..”.
I have asked him what his vision was for our wedding. This is supposed to be about who we are as a couple, right? He said that I would wear a wedding dress and he would wear a tux and get married. That was it! Seriously? I understand that men think differently than we do. The end is what matters to him. Everything in between is just icing.
I want a wedding that I will look back on and say “That was the most amazing and special day!”
But now all I want to do is scrap the whole idea and just elope. No wedding ceremony with family or friends. No dancing. No dinner. No wedding cake. No flower girls or bridesmaids or ring bearers or groomsmen! No more planning! NO MORE! NO MORE! NO MORE!!! I want off this stupid wedding planning train! I am tired of having ideas that I know I want and when talking about it with my family, they shoot it down and deem it stupid. My mother didn’t even want me to get married in March because she didn’t want to share the month that she and my dad got married! She said it was bad enough that she had to share it with my sister. WTH!!!
I am tired of the little comments by my sisters and mother about how we are older and should just go to the JP. Or make it a very simple wedding since we have both been married before. I am hurt by the comment my mother made about my engagement ring when she said that I should get my engagement ring from my previous husband and wear that one. “Just go get a wedding band, Sideways8. It would look better.”! I LOVE MY RING!! Mr. Sideways8 chose it with me in mind. It isn’t huge or flashy. It is in a infinity design which is what I wanted anyway.
I am wondering if I should even have a wedding! Am out of my mind for wanting to have a moment that I will cherish? I don’t mind the snags in planning but I would like a little support and encouragement.
Is anyone else feeling this way? Or am I just having a pity party with a cup of Bridezilla tea?