Post # 1
My bridesmaids (MOH in particular) went all out with planning, paying for and hosting me a lovely bridal shower 2 weeks ago. They took a while to plan it, bought nice prizes for fun games, favors, decorations, etc. I truly appreciated it and everyone thought it was a wonderful event! It was in my hometown, so my mom helped to coordinate the hall and paid for open bar and helped with planning as well. I know it took them a while to plan and I thought it was the best time ever!
My issue here is, my FMIL decided that she would host a bridal shower for me in her town as well. I said its not necessary, but I would appreciate that so I could get to know her family more before the big day (and her as well since we aren’t particularly close). Well, come to find out she has been contacting my MOH and a couple of my fiance’s cousins (who don’t know me) to plan the whole thing because she doesn’t think its “appropriate” for the mother of the groom to plan it (she would just provide her house as the location). I was very annoyed by this because my MOH went above and beyond as the “ringleader” at my shower I already had. I feel embrrassed that my FMIL is asking her to plan the whole thing (send out invites, buy favors, etc.). My MOH is too nice to say no, shes not going to help. Myself and my fiance have both told my FMIL that we don’t think she should involve my MOH or people who don’t even know me to plan another shower. She doesn’t listen though and keeps contacting my MOH with details, saying she wants the invites out by Friday (I have no idea why my MOH doesn’t just say no! My FMIL can be quite rude and demanding).
Bees, does anyone have any advice on what I can do? I’ve tried telling my FMIL, but I don’t think she will listen. Am i being unreasonable to think that I don’t want my MOH to plan another shower? My MOH is clearly annoyed by this.
Post # 4
I don’t know – it is always tough when people can’t take no for an answer. Your MOH needs to just say no to helping you FMIL. I mean she ALREADY hosted a shower for you. I would say if your FMIL wants to host a 2nd one, she can go for it, but your MOH doesn’t need to be apart of the planning. Have you flat out told her this?
Post # 5
Tell your MOH to make it clear to your FMIL that she is not planning another shower.
Tell your FMIL that your MOH is not planning another shower.
If the MOH doesn’t send out invitations there will be no other shower unless your FMIL finally takes responsibility herself.
Post # 6
If your MOH doesn’t have the ability to stand up for herself and say no, then I guess she needs to go on over the the store and start shopping.
Post # 7
@star282: Your FMIL is your FI blessing to deal with. He needs to tell his mother that your MOH has already thrown you a lovely shower, at her own expense, and if your mother would like to throw a shower she will have to do so at HER own expense. It shouldn’t be left to you… and DEFINITELY shouldn’t be left to your poor MOH… to deal with this woman. I would tell my FI to talk to his mother and I would call my MOH and tell her we’re taking care of it and to block FMIL’s number because she doesn’t have to deal with her anymore.
Post # 8
@star282: So let me get this straight: you FMIL wants to “throw” you a shower…but actually have the MOH do the dirty work while she takes credit?
Post # 9
Maybe her intentions are a little bit more strictly etiquette related. You know, the whole traditional idea that family can’t host showers, but she wants you to have one with her side, but she feels bound by etiquette to have your MOH plan it.
Which is a bunch of crap, if I do say so myself.
Your MOH needs to stand up to the palte and say no. By her saying yes, your FMIL will take it as a go-ahead. If she says no, FMIL will have to re-evaluate what to do.
Post # 10
How awkward. I feel for your MOH- surely she doesn’t want to come off as lazy/rude/cheap by telling your FMIL that she will not put together another shower. I like the idea of getting your FI to shut this thing down. I was going to suggest another way for you to approach your FMIL, but having your FI put his foot down seems like the best way to handle it. I’m sure you’ve done this, but please re-assure your MOH that you loved your shower and that you have no intention of having her do the work for another one.
Post # 11
Thanks everyone! The thing is, my FI has told his mom about 5 times that we don’t want/need another shower and to leave my MOH out of it. My FMIL is clearly not listening though…I’m typing up a strongly worded, but polite, email letting her know that this shower is not the responsibility of my MOH. If she wants the credit for the shower, then she can throw it herself.
I appreciate the input – I’ll let you know how it turns out!