(Closed) Strained Friendship – Need Advice. Only kinda sorta wedding-related.

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

my advise is to publically be friendly and positive and let her actions speak volumes to others.  i wouldnt invest too much emotional effort into her but it costs very little to smile and say hello – how she chooses to react to this is her choice. if she is basically a negative person then you cant be the only person thinking this

 

Post # 4
Member
5498 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

I agree with Eloping. From what you said it’s in her nature to be negative. You really don’t want someone blaming you for her being unhappy. It’s not healthy for you and it wastes your time. Be friendly at the social gatherings, and if she wants to act like she’s in middle school she can. Everyone else will notice. It’s not your fault you were hired for a temporary job. She knew it would be, so she should deal with her own issues and not blame you (or anyone else) for them.

Post # 6
Member
2641 posts
Sugar bee

Well I will agree that she’s being immature and selfish.  She seems to be a pretty negative person.

However, unless there’s something missing from your story, to be honest, I think you could have handled a couple of things a bit differently.  (Especially, since you admitted you were both close at some point.  And you knew that she was tangled in with a circle you share.)  Sure she was being pretty selfish, accusing you of the same when you were sick.  No arguments here.  She might have called to see how you were feeling instead.   (Rarely did I ever miss work.  And when I did, I checked in to see how things were going… and yes apologize for whatever hardship I was putting on others who had to fill in.)  No, it’s not your fault for being sick.  But even when people are legitimately missing work, it’s still an inconvenience to those who have to pick up the slack.  Again, I’m not saying she was right for her approach.  But perhaps since you knew you couldn’t simply avoid her socially, you could have eeked out an, “I’m sorry you have to cover more work, because I’m sick.” 

More importantly, did you give your two weeks, without her knowing?  Did she come back to her job to find that you simply weren’t there one day?  Seing the relationship you had, and connection you continue to have, I think you might have wanted to at least give her a heads up, that you’d be leaving.  She might have seen that as a personal snub.  

Do you think you could say to her, at the next party, that if leaving hurt her feelings, it didnt have anything to do with her.  The job just wasn’t a good fit.  You didn’t mean to upset her etc.  Maybe that will smooth things over so that social situations are more comfortable.  Since she’s so negative, I wouldn’t encourage you to try to stay friends, though. 

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