Post # 1
We just got married recently and everything is going really well. Just one thing that’s bugging me, and it’s a bit stupid, but I’m wondering if I’m being unreasonable?
It’s about good old Facebook. We have changed our statuses to “married”, we have tons of pictures our friends tagged us in, it’s very obvious that we are together and married. He uses FB fairly frequently, post unrelated pictures and statuses, however, he never made a single post about our wedding, never posted any pictures, never mentioned me as his wife online, he never posts on my wall etc. When I bring this up to him, he gets instantly upset and we always have fights about it. I just don’t understand why he’s resisting so much. Most of his friends posted their favorite wedding photo as their profile, would post to the whole world how much they love their wife, but my husband is refusing to do that. He gets upset, when I “dictate” how to use Facebook.
I have no reason to believe that he is hiding or cheating (like I said, there are tons of pictures of us together on his profile that were posted by someone else), and he is very devoted and loving otherwise… am I just being stupid?
Post # 3
My FI never did any of that either. But he also rarely used FB and recently just deactivated his page. But it never bothered me, I knew it just was his personality. He doesn’t care about that type of stuff (facebook postings, not photos of us). He would go one and post silly joke pictures to random friends’ walls and that was it. I wouldn’t get too upset about it. Obviously you’re both tagged in photos so people can clearly see that he’s with you. I doubt he’s trying to hide anything.
Post # 4
@mashaka: I don’t think you’re being stupid, it’s just a case of you two using facebook differently. If you just focus on how he treats you in real life, and not online, I think this will be a much easier thing for you to deal with.
Post # 5
Mine barely uses FB so I don’t think I would know how to relate on that one. I do think that fighting about it seems a bit too much for the situation. If you let him know that it bothered you then that should be the end of story. It does probably bother you quite a bit if you keep bringing it up – but maybe reminding yourself that he isn’t ‘one of his friends’ might help. Also, it could be possible that he just needs to ease into the idea of never being single again. Give him some time on it , maybe he’ll come around.
Post # 6
Some people don’t like to put super intimate stuff on facebook, especially SOs because they see each other all the time. The logic goes: Why post on your wall when I can text you/talk to you/whatever?
I will sometimes post articles that I think would interest others on my fiance’s wall, but if I just want to tell him I love him, I say it to his face or text him or something. It feels weird to talk about how much I love him on facebook… less personal that way. And, dare I say it, it can come off a bit “look at me and my awesome relationship.” So, maybe that’s how he feels too?
Post # 7
“am I just being stupid?”
Yes. Yes you are.
My husband has only posted on my wall, once.
When we were married, he didn’t mention the wedding.
You *are* trying to dictate how he uses facebook. The world knows he loves you and you love him, so why does it need to be on facebook? Why is it such a big deal? I am genuinely asking, I am not trying to be snarky, but why is this such a big deal to you? Do you just want him to be like all the “other” husbands who shower their affections for their wives publicly? Why? If he loves you, and you know it and feel it, does it matter who sees it?
Post # 8
A lot of people, especially guys, don’t see facebook as a sounding board for their personal lives. My ex was like that. I think in the 5 years we were together, he changed his facebook pic maybe 4 times total and never posted a picture of us… my new SO, however, changed his profile picture to one of us the day we decided to be exclusive. Neither’s behavior is more “right” – it’s just that they’re different people with different priorities and ideas on what facebook should be used for. My SO also posts a LOT about his life online, while my ex does not.
I don’t really see why you’re choosing to make this an issue, especially since it seems you feel he doesn’t love you enough because he doesn’t post to facebook about your marriage… I mean, that seems kind of petty to me. How he treats you in real life should matter more. If he’s not claiming to be single or something, I can’t see why this should be an issue.
Post # 9
My DH goes to FB but rarely ever posts. If he was to post something on my FB page I would smack him in the back of the head and tell him to quit being weird. Why post something on my page when he can just tell me. LOL I never post on his page either. We also never email, text, etc. We only communicate via face-to-face conversation or phone.
Post # 10
I don’t understand. If he’s not comfortable using FB that way, why are you making this an issue? You asked why is he’s resisting using FB as you feel he should, but how would you feel if he began to suggest what sorts of posts you should make?
Post # 11
My husband isn’t into the whole fb thing. Never posts on my wall or writes status updates ect. It doesn’t bother me at all. He sends me plenty of texts and tells me in person how much he loves me. He doesn’t feel the need to blast it all over fb. In fact I find it kind of annoying when couples are constantly going back and forth on eachothers walls every day.
Post # 12
Honey, this is completely normal adult male facebook behavior!!
Honestly, when I see couples who post endearments back/forth on facebook and tag each other in umpteen different couples pictures and clog up their walls with sentiments, nine times out of 10 one of them has a Twilight poster hanging in their bedroom.
Post # 13
You shouldn’t be upset about it! My SO (together 6 years) has never referred to me on FB beyond the relationship status and I know he won’t once we’re married. He’s quite private about our relationship and that’s fine with me.
And yes, it’s weird to post on the page of someone you live with, especially if you are married. At that point, your communication skills should have evolved beyond wall posting (I don’t mean that they haven’t, that’s just what I think when I see couples posting on each other’s walls).
As for picture posting, I think it’s cute, he thinks it’s lame. Whatever!
Post # 14
@JaneyDcat: True story!! LOL
Post # 15
Thank you everyone for your posts! That was enough for me to go and appologize for whining about it all day…I realize it’s silly and insignificant!
Post # 16
Don’t fret over it. It’s not a big deal at all. Couples who are constantly lovey-dovey on FB are annoying anyway! Hah.