(Closed) Strange Future in laws and extended family

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
581 posts
Busy bee

Are your FILs concerned about sharing their drivers license numbers through you?  Some people are fearful and not trusting, and with identity theft being discussed on many news networks, they may not be comfortable.  Maybe you can give them the contact information to let them give the cruise ship company that info themselves.

Maybe your FI can help you with what to call your in-laws.  Each family’s idea of closeness is subjective and shouldn’t really be compared to another familiy.  Many times comparing only causes misunderstanding. 

It’s not easy joining another family in the best of circumstances, so please be patient. 

Best wishes for a beautiful wedding cruise and the years to come.

Post # 4
Member
326 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

You know, I think a lot of the time families like to THINK they are closer than they really are.  My in-laws boast all the time about their awesome trips and super close family, but in reality, they are all pretty miserable when they spend a lot of time together.  Family dynamics are just funny like that I think. 

It sounds like the big issue is that you guys are so close to the wedding date and you are getting no feedback at all from your in-laws.  And I’m with you, if it was 2 weeks from my wedding and I couldn’t even get my MIL to call me back, I’d be a little put out. It’s not too much to ask for a little interest or excitement, it only happens once, after all! 

I totally understand your feelings, but how about your in-laws? Have you and your FI tried to figure out their feelings about the wedding?  It seems like they might have some underlying issues that are resulting in their apparent lack of interest, but maybe that is their way of letting you guys do your own thing?  It’s a double-edged sword tho, you either get the over involved in-laws or the uninterested ones…why can’t there just be a happy medium, right??

Post # 5
Member
860 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Awww I’m sorry.  I think it might be best to let your FI handle getting their info from them.  Are you sure your FI hasn’t told them where you are registered?  Maybe they already have a gift for you or were planning to give you a cash gift.  Talk to your FI about your concerns if you think you can do it without him getting offended.  In the meantime, just be nice and they should at least be cordial to you in return.  Families are strange things and it seems like every family has different ways of dealing with things.  I’m still trying to figure out my FI’s family 🙂

Post # 9
Member
218 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2006

Not everyone likes technology.  My Mom doesn’t used email or a cell phone (she has one in case of emergency that is mostly never on).  She is also incredibly clingy which my DH thinks is strange.  My ILs don’t call my husband unless they want him to do work at their house and are known to be cheap people, but have been very generous with us for holidays over the years. 

My own DH and I don’t “conduct business” online unless we have no other option, at the advice of our accountant and some IT people we know who all deal in paper statements.

Also, you MIL’s spine issue is incredibly painful and debilitating.  She could be self-conscious about the way she looks and she could also be in a lot of pain (I know my MIL is often in much pain as she has the same illness.) She could be on a lot of daily medication, resulting in expensive bills even with insurance, which is why they don’t spend money on other things. As far as saying “I’m OK” when asked how she is doing, what’s wrong with that?  The older generations weren’t taught to vent their feelings all over the place as it was a sign of immaturity.  Where I am from “I’m OK” means “things are fine,nothing to complain about”.

As for the paying rent thing . . . Many families feel if you’re over 18 you pay rent even if you live at home.  My DH had to pay rent when he moved back in with his parents as an adult.  Unknown to him at the time my MIL took a little of the “rent” payment to cover the difference in utilities and put the rest in an high yield account.  When he went to buy his first house she handed him a check for $5,000 to help with the down payment — most of his “rent money”plus some compound interest.

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