Post # 1
My boss and I get along very well in the work place but I wouldn’t say we’re super close or even friends. She is a great boss and from what I have seen over the past five years, she has been a part of her employee’s special events–baby showers, weddings, etc. She makes an effort to get to know all of us and to be a part of our lives. So, of course I have always thought about inviting her to my wedding (since we get along well and she has attended other weddings of my colleagues).
I don’t have the invitations ordered yet, but since she asked me about wedding planning recently I told her casuaully that if she is in town during my wedding then I would love to have her there and I will give her an invitaiton as well once they are ordered. Well, her response surprised me. She seemed like she was fumbling for a way out of it and couldn’t come up with any reason. Her body language looked uncomfortable to me and it was SO awkward to be standing there. She intiitally said “oh, uh yea…i’m not really sure what we’re doing at that time…” and started just mumbling. Then I told her that it’s no big deal and I just wanted to give her a heads up. She then said “oh..actually I think it’s my birthday around that time”–which I found REALLY weird. But I just said, “no worries, I just wanted to let you know since I’ve been telling some coworkers by word of mouth and i plan to give them an invite later” and I smiled and the convo ended on a really awkward note.
Now I don’t know what to do. Should I give her an invite? Or was she basically telling me that she doesn’t want to come? I really don’t mind if she doesn’t come and I really didn’t expect her too–but the way she reacted surprised me so much because she could have just simply said “ok thank you I’ll let you know if i can make it”, instead of fumbling for a way out right then and there….so weird.
What do you all think?
Post # 3
You told her you were inviting her, so now you should send her an invitation.
Post # 4
@abbie017: I plan to give her an invitation, but I just got the sense that she REALLY didn’t want to go to my wedding. So I feel like it wil be super awkward now when I do give her the invite 🙁
Post # 6
@violet25: I agree, it’ll be awkward, but it’s super rude to tell someone they’re invited and then not gie them an invitation. You could always either mail it to her house, or leave it on her desk/inbox when she isn’t there, so you don’t have to do it face-to-face. If she doesn’t want to come, she can decline at that point, but at least you did the polite thing.
Post # 7
- Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA
There are a million reasons why she could have been fumbling like that– and most of them probably have nothing to do with you.
I would still invite her, and I wouldn’t worry too much about it. More than likely she has something planned around the same time as your wedding, and she couldn’t remember if it was going to conflict or not; or perhaps she forgot when the wedding is and was struggling to not seem impolite about forgetting. or maybe she got into a fight with her husband that morning or a good friend just finished a messy divorce, and thinking about weddings at all was a little awkward for her. Or perhaps she’s got some big work drama going on in her head about something else, and was side tracked when you talked to her.
Post # 8
@juliette.eliza: Well, I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt but the strang thing here is that she came up to me and asked me “Have you picked a venue and date yet for your wedding?” and she seemed genuinly interested in talking to me about it and somewhat excited. So I thought it was the perfect time to tell her that I would love for her to come if she’s around. But her body language and reaction just seemed to be telling me “please don’t invite me!” It’s super strange because once I told her I’d like to invite her, the convo ended abruptly….
I will still get her the invite, but I just don’t understand the reaction. I have invited people before like this by telling them and even when they aren’t sure if they can make it they don’t react like this (super awkward), they just tell me they’ll let me know.
Post # 9
I just posted how a co-worker of Fiance outright declined going to our wedding when Fiance asked him for his address. So, we won’t be giving him an invitation since he’s already said no and wouldn’t give us his address.
But, since your boss didn’t come out and say, “no” to attending or wanting an invitation, then you should still give her one (it’s like sending a STD and then not sending an invitation).
Maybe mail it so you don’t have to give it to her in person? Or just leave it in her work mailbox (if you guys have one) or with her assistant to give to her? That’s if you want to avoid a personal encounter. Otherwise, just hand her the invitation and say, “We’d love for you to be there, but of course there’s no obligation whatsoever.”
Edit to add after reading your above post: Some people just ask for details and act exicited for your benefit, without actually feeling inclined to be a part of your day. Sad, but true.
Post # 10
@abbie017: This. Send her an invite and then put the ball in her court.
Post # 11
I would still give her an invite.. she can always decline if she can’t come. I would think it would be more awkward to tell her you were inviting her, but then not give her an invitation.
Post # 12
It sounds like maybe when she came up to ask you about picking your date and venue, she realized really quickly that it sounded like she was fishing for an invite? So maybe that’s why she got uncomfortable when you actually did bring up the invite. And then she tried to compensate for it by acting like she might not even be able to come. She probably didn’t want you to think that was her reason for asking (and I’m sure it wasn’t – it sounds like she’s genuinely interested in knowing about your wedding).
Post # 13
its always awkward and a bit weird when people dont seem all that happy for you :/
but give them an invite anyway (especially after you said you would) if they decide to come, they come, if they dont, its their loss and you’ve done your part 🙂
Post # 14
- Wedding: February 2013 - Colonial Country Club, Ft. Myers, FL
Lol, at least your boss doesn’t want to bring her entire f*ing family to the wedding.
“Sure boss, I had to cut Great-Aunt Ida and my best friend from the list, but go ahead and bring all the kids!!!”
But in all seriousness, if you want to invite her, great! At least she knows that you were thinking enough of her. The ball is in her court now.