Weddingbee boards

Hey Hive,

This is more to vent because I feel sad about this situation. I realize there is no easy solution and that the issue itself is a complex one.

Since I've been adult (well, really, since I've passed puberty), my dad and I haven't been exactly close. My parents divorced about the time I graduated from high school; all my breaks from college were spent at my mom's (to whom I've always been much closer). Since I moved out of state, which was almost 11 years ago, my dad has never once come to visit me, while my mom comes at least once or twice a year. He since moved somewhere farther away from where my mom lives and I've gone to stay at his house numerous times. Both of my parents are remarried. Oh, I should also mention that I am an only child.

I used to have a lot of resentment about feeling as though I always had to be the one who maintained our relationship. I did most of the e-mailing and calling and all of the visiting. I like to believe I've gotten past that somewhat and just accepted it as "he is my dad, I know he loves me, this is just how it is." I've never really tried talking to him about it, though ... my dad and I both have a hard time sharing feelings.

Now I'm getting married. The wedding is taking place in the city where my fiance and I live now (where my FI grew up). I asked both my parents for financial help. Mom came through; Dad did not. While I was somewhat disappointed that my dad chose not to help out (there are a bunch of reasons behind that; I'm not going to go into it), I also accepted it as just being "the way it is."

Fast-forward a few months. My dad has never definitely said either way whether or not he is coming to the wedding, even when I asked him directly. I know he's having a tough time right now because both my grandmother (his mom) and his wife are having health problems and he's taking care of them both. I recently send him an e-mail saying that we were close to blocking off hotel rooms and that I would let him know when that happened; also that I realized it's a tough time for a lot of people financially and that I did not expect him to give us a gift -- I really just wanted him there at the wedding.

Well, he has never responded to the e-mail ... which is odd, because typically he would at least send some kind of response. We did block off rooms and my next step is to send him another e-mail to give him the update.

Honestly, I have no idea whether or not he'll come. I'm bracing myself for the possibility that he won't be there because I'd like to think it will lessen the disappointment, but the reality is that it will still hurt very much to not have him there. I'm trying to plan for the worst but hope for the best. My guess is that he didn't respond because he doesn't want to say he'll come and then not show up for whatever reason.

I've played it over and over in my head the reasons why he won't come -- he'll say it costs too much; he won't want to be around my mom and her family/friends (though they didn't really have an ugly divorce, but they don't talk); he'll feel strange because he'll only have my stepmom and grandmother there from "his side" (he is also an only child; he doesn't really have many friends that I know of); he doesn't like to travel, whatever. 

I'm just really hurting about this whole situation right now. Thanks for taking the time to read this; I always know that other Bees are there to give support!